issue103 [0710G ＋U Aug小组]第2次作业 warlock

warlockUID: 2364623

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 468          T
As the speaker contends, history research will be useless without relating to our daily life. At first glance, though, we live in a world surrounded by practical attitudes toward material and mental phenomenon, we will find, on a much more profound level after eliminating the superficial notion, the value of history lies far from what we apperceive in the daily life.

First, what does HUMAN mean if we abandon the effort for the study of human history? As the Bible indicates, we are the creature by the GOD, the offspring of Adam and Eve. If archeology and Darwin did not come out, maybe we would still satisfy this illustration and indulge ourselves in the imagination of the paradise. Now we accept that human and gorilla share the same ancestor, and we human just one member of the big family in the biosphere. We human have no privilege which originates from the LORD: We human represent just mere particles in the unlimited cosmos; We human are produced by a great chance and maybe die out by another chance. All the facts make us realize what on earth we should do: to give up the human glory, to be harmonious with other creatures, to protect the home of our sons and grandsons, and to search the space for the extension of the group.

In a specific aspect, consider the World War 2. In 60 years, the influence on daily life has already diminished to a low point. But can we ignore the research on the World War 2? If we forget the great agony people suffers during the war, disregard the greedy in the human nature, and even become zealots who pursue the prime authority and follow the trace of Hitler, the world today or in the future will become another hell filled with innumerable despairing soul, and
the civilization will certainly fall into a abyss. We study the history of war in order to avoid the same false, and ultimately to make progress on the road signed in the name of "Evolution".

Bacon said: "History makes us wise." In the daily life, history still remains indispensable. Napoleon, a great emperor and a notorious conqueror, who was defeated because of his arrogance and lack of justice, shows us a wrong attitude to the rivals, to the innocent friends and to ourselves. In our daily life, we must take the rivals seriously, treat ourselves strictly, and leaving the friends comforted. Though we may not achieve a great success, the life in a way contrary to Napoleon's   prevents us from great distress.

In sum, a retrospect in history will both make us wise and make us gradually understand the abstruse nature of the outside world and the human event. No use is a great use, in the human understanding and for the human existence.

ddbearUID: 2275294

As the speaker contends, history research will be useless without relating to our daily life. At first glance, though, we live in a world surrounded by practical attitudes toward material and mental phenomenon, we will find, on a much more profound level after eliminating the superficial notion, the value of history lies far from what we apperceive in the daily life.

First, what does HUMAN mean if we abandon the effort for the study of human history? As the Bible indicates, we are the creature by the GOD, the offspring of Adam and Eve. If archeology and Darwin did not come out, maybe we would still satisfy this illustration and indulge ourselves in the imagination of the paradise. Now we accept that human and gorilla share the same ancestor, and we human just one member of the big family in the biosphere. We human have no privilege which originates from the LORD: We human represent just mere particles in the unlimited cosmos; we human are produced by a great chance and maybe die out by another chance. All the facts make us realize what on earth we should do: to give up the human glory, to be harmonious with other creatures, to protect the home of our sons and grandsons, and to search the space for the extension of the group. [感觉前2个to do就够了，后面2个反而有“扩张”之嫌]

In a specific aspect, consider the World War 2[一般写作World War II，没有the，或者the second World War]. In 60 years [用after，in 是表将来的] , the influence on daily life has already diminished to a low point. But can we ignore the research on the World War 2? If we forget the great agony people suffers during the war, disregard the greedy in the human nature, and even become zealots who pursue the prime authority and follow the trace of Hitler, the world today or in the future[感觉有点chiglish，换个表达吧] will become another hell filled with innumerable despairing soul, and the civilization will certainly fall into a abyss. We study the history of war in order to avoid the same false [用adj？] and ultimately to make progress on the road signed in the name of "Evolution".

Bacon said: "History makes us wise." In the daily life, history still remains indispensable. Napoleon, a great emperor and a notorious conqueror, who was defeated because of his arrogance and lack of justice, shows us a wrong attitude to the rivals, to the innocent friends and to ourselves. [加个连接词更好 Therefore之类的] In our daily life, we must take the rivals seriously, treat ourselves strictly, and leaving the friends comforted. Though we may not achieve a great success, the life in a way contrary to Napoleon's   prevents us from great distress.

In sum, a retrospect in history will both make us wise and make us gradually understand the abstruse nature of the outside world and the human event[复数]. No use is a great use, in the human understanding and for the human existence ——用这个做结语？说服力不强啊，和文章的论述都没什么联系

[ 本帖最后由 ddbear 于 2007-7-26 23:52 编辑 ]

ddbearUID: 2275294

1. 好像所有的都用的是life，不过题目里是lives
2. 第一论点单看不错，很恢弘，好多例子，但是和开头段感觉连不起来。应该在段首简单说明一下~
3. 第三论点，最好再补充一句，daily lives还有很多方面，我们可以从history里学习到，作为该段的总结~
4. 限时写的么？想到这么多例子&名人！好厉害啊！呵呵，再注意下结构的连贯性就好了
:handshake

warlockUID: 2364623

答：1，忙中出错
      2，没有将自己的思维明显的表达出来，这是我写文章的一个通病。需要一些承上启下的句子。你看的很清楚。
      3，在写第三个论点的时候我本来是想多些一点的，但是由于写得晚又急着要交，少写了很多。其实我觉得life方面是更重要的一面，因为题干讲的就是life和history的关系。这个点的论证需要更多的例子和更多的推理。你的看法是有道理的。
      4，还是速度问题，结尾没有考虑清楚，匆忙打了几个字就上交了。aw的最终问题还是时间问题啊。
      5，感谢你指出其中的一些细节问题，特别是专有名词的表达问题。
      6，再次感谢。

cofeebeanUID: 2289548

issue103 [0710G　＋U Aug小组]第2次作业 warlock
TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
WORDS: 468          T
As the speaker contends, history research will be useless without relating to our daily life. At first glance, though, we live in a world surrounded by practical attitudes toward material and mental phenomenon, we will find, on a much more profound level after eliminating the superficial notion, the value of history lies far from what we apperceive in the daily life.[这个句子有点乱，要斟酌一下，去掉though,用while连接凸现对比是不是好些，while on a much more profound level after eliminating the superficial notion we find bababa. 个人认为最好不用超长的句子，很难把握住。]
First, what does HUMAN mean if we abandon the effort for the study of human history? As the Bible indicates, we are the creature by the GOD, the offspring of Adam and Eve. If archeology and Darwin did not come out, maybe we would [建议加上have been，是较长一段时间的认为，整个虚拟语气的时态改一下，前面用had not come out]still satisfy[这是使某人满意的意思，应该改为be satisfactory with吧] this illustration and indulge ourselves in the imagination of the paradise. Now we accept that human and gorilla share the same ancestor, and we human just one member of the big family in the biosphere. We human have no privilege which originates from the LORD: We human represent just mere particles in the unlimited cosmos; We human are produced by a great chance and maybe die out by another chance. All the facts make us realize what on earth we should do: to give up the human glory, to be harmonious with other creatures, to protect the home of our sons and grandsons, and to search the space for the extension of the group.
In a specific aspect, consider the World War 2. In 60 years, the influence on daily life has already diminished to a low point. But can we ignore the research on the World War 2? If we forget the great agony people suffers during the war, disregard the greedy in the human nature, and even become zealots who pursue the prime authority and follow the trace of Hitler, the world today or in the future will become another hell filled with innumerable despairing soul, and
the civilization will certainly fall into a abyss.[用虚拟语气是不是更好] We study the history of war in order to avoid the same false, and ultimately to make progress on the road signed in the name of "Evolution".
Bacon said: "History makes us wise." In the daily life, history still remains indispensable. Napoleon, a great emperor and a notorious conqueror, who was defeated because of his arrogance and lack of justice, shows us a wrong attitude to the rivals, to the innocent friends and to ourselves. In our daily life, we must take the rivals seriously, treat ourselves strictly, and leaving the friends comforted. Though we may not achieve a great success, the life in a way contrary to Napoleon's   prevents us from great distress.
In sum, a retrospect in history will both make us wise and make us gradually understand the abstruse nature of the outside world and the human event. No use is a great use, in the human understanding and for the human existence.
[综述：
一、 body1、2都是以破论的形式展开，‘人类是不是可以放弃对历史的研究’‘是不是可以忽视历史’，虽然后面对这两个问题的回答引出了历史的价值，虽然以疑问句引出自己观点的方式比较新颖，但是考虑到考试的性质，个人认为最好以立论为主展开论述，在每段的首句用明确的主题句说明你的观点：历史研究与日常生活的关系，历史研究的其他价值体现在那些方面。虽说主题句模式写作较为死板，但做应试作文时不可完全抛弃，否则的话，如我这样的看管就会到最后才明白，正文1、2原来是在分别阐释make us gradually understand the abstruse nature of the outside world and the human event.
二、 举例的问题：
1、 举例的篇幅占用太多，论述的整体基本上都是在举例，说理太少。建议在每段的TS后加上1-2句的说理论证，使你的观点和例子不致脱节。
2、 对例子的叙述也应紧扣住题目或是ts的关键词。比如正文1，用达尔文的例子说明历史研究对人类认识世界的意义很好，但对达尔文的研究只是在从句中提了一下，这个reasoning 就显得有点少了，最好在阐释例子的同时把reasoning 包括进去。]