argument174 [0710G +U小组] 第七次作业

wm23UID: 2245087

ARGUMENT174


The author draws a conclusion that the Grove College should keep its old policy which remains all-female education. To support his point, the author cites two surveys answered by students, which they think are better to preserve the policy. In addition, the author asserts that the decision will benefit the development, of the college. And keeping the policy can improve students' morale. However, the argument suffers several logical fallacies, which renders the argument unacceptable.

First of all, the survey conducted by the student government is too vague. The author fails to indicate that how does the survey investigated and operated. What methods are used during scrutinizing and whether the scrutiny methods is scientific and reliable is also incredulous To suppose, if the student government tends to remain the policy, and they may ask questions with their own attitude when they do survey. Thus, the students who take the poll will be affected by the student government’s attitude, and their answers may deviate from their real thoughts.

Secondly, another separate survey answered by the alumni is also unconvincing. The author just points out that half of the alumni oppose the proposal that college should admit male students taking the same curriculums with the female students. However, the author fails to tell us that how many male students take part in the survey. The word "half" is too obscure, and it cannot be considered as a proof that proves the male students also opposing the new proposal. On the other hand, the author fails to explain where the male students come from. If they are Grove College’s students, it is contradictory with the college's policy that no male students studying in the college; however, if they are not the students of the college, then, the survey answered by them will be invalid.

Thirdly, even though we assume that both the two surveys are valid and they can reflect the students' real attitude toward the proposal, the author still cannot draw a conclusion that the college should preserve its old policy. Furthermore, the author has admitted the fact that majority of faculty claim the college should accept male students, then, why does the author disregard these opinions? In addition, if the college overlooks the faculty's opinions, which may affect the faculty’s morale, even affect the instruction quality of the college.

In sum, the abovementioned fallacies weak the argument, and make the argument unreliable. To strengthen the argument, the author have to demonstrate that both two surveys are valid, to better evaluate the argument, the author must provides evidences to prove that the faculty’s opinions is unreasonable, and preserve the old policy will not affect faculty’s morale, furthermore, old policy in faith benefits the education quality of the college.

ddbearUID: 2275294

一直没人给你改吗？:confused:

The author draws a conclusion that the Grove College should keep its old policy which remains all-female education. To support his point, the author cites two surveys answered by students（一个是学生，一个是校友，统称不好学生吧）, which they think are（从句加个主语就好了。或者consider to be） better to preserve the policy. In addition, the author asserts that the decision will benefit the development,（不用逗号） of the college.（也可以不用句号，2句一起说） And keeping the policy can improve students' morale. However, the argument suffers several logical fallacies, which renders the argument unacceptable.

First of all, the survey conducted by the student government is too vague. The author fails to indicate that how does the survey investigated and operated（前面是想说was吗？）. What methods are used during scrutinizing and whether the scrutiny methods is scientific and reliable is（are） also incredulous. To suppose, if the student government tends to remain the policy, and（前面if 的是从句，这里不需用and） they may ask questions with their own attitude when they do survey（s）. Thus, the students who take the poll will be affected by the student government’s attitude, and their answers may deviate from their real thoughts.（这里再来个总结句就好了）

Secondly, another separate survey answered by the alumni is also unconvincing. The author just points out that half of the alumni oppose the proposal that college should admit male students taking the same curriculums with the female students（转述有偏差~男女不合校，不是说不让男生上和女生一样的课，而是压根不招收男生 ）. However, the author fails to tell us that how many male students take part in the survey. The word "half" is too obscure, and it cannot be considered as a proof that proves the male students also opposing the new proposal. On the other hand, the author fails to explain where the male students come from. If they are Grove College’s students, it is contradictory with the college's policy that no male students studying in the college; however, if they are not the students of the college, then, the survey answered by them will be invalid.这段观点选错了~alumni这里其实不是特指男校友，而是个统称

Thirdly, even though we assume that both the two surveys are valid and they can reflect the students' real attitude toward the proposal, the author still cannot draw a（any） conclusion that the college should preserve its old policy. Furthermore（用这个词的话，前后句的衔接不好。感觉你本段Topic sentence的意思还没有展开，就furthermore了。去掉就好）, the author has admitted the fact that majority of faculty claim the college should accept male students, then, why does the author disregard these opinions? In addition, if the college overlooks the faculty's opinions, which may affect the faculty’s morale, even affect the instruction quality of the college（if... which may affect... even affect...你这个句子没主句了~）.

In sum, the abovementioned fallacies weak（动词：weaken） the argument, and make the argument unreliable. To strengthen the argument, the author have to demonstrate that both two surveys are valid,（用句号） to better evaluate the argument, the author must provides evidences to prove that the faculty’s opinions is unreasonable, and preserve（ing） the old policy will not affect faculty’s morale, furthermore（前面还是得句号，这个句子得单独说，否则，就把and放在furthermore前。3个并列句，and在最后一句前~甚至你干脆用1，2，3，都行。范文里有这么干的。）, old policy in faith benefits the education quality of the college.