issue130 勇往直前小组16th作者nbta03

nbta03UID：2326371

130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 513  (579)        TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-5 11:18:22

According to the speaker's statement, the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today and the we have not known how to raise children who can bring a better society in future. In my point of view, this statement is too extreme, in two respects. First, there are many more other standards to evaluate whether children can bring a better society tomorrow, rather than socialized; and secondly, it falsely estimate the effect of the contemporary education.

Admittedly, whether children are socialized has a tight relation with the unborn society. A society requires its members the ability of communication or they will be isolated. Though, granted that children now are well educated in every specific fields and may be an specialist tomorrow, if they do not how to communicate with others and play a proper part in a teamwork, rare great success would be achieved and as a result, the society will inevitably slow its pace of development. Furthermore, the ability of teamwork and tolerating others is quite emphasized in current society as well since that one person’s ability is limited towards a magnificent goal. In short, the socialization of children today should not be ignored during the education.

However, whether children can bring a society is by no means due to only one factor-socialization. Many other standards, even more important, must be given equal attention in our education, such as value system, spiritual belief, all-sided knowledge. If a group of youth studying on a research, only know how to talk with each other and share others' opinion, but never give out own suggestion, it can be easily imagined how bad the result of the research will be. The life skills-logical thinking , analysis and creative problem solving, which guarantee the basic survival. The strong wills and justifiable spiritual belief direct us endeavoring in a correct path. In lack of these skills and stuffs, the socialization have little to do with personal life, let alone a better society. Now we can see how important a part certain other abilities abovementioned play in the construction of a society in future.

Yet another fundamental problem with the statement is that the claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society is poorly supported since current education indeed notices the importance of abilities which make children better contribute to society and actually take action in such aspects. Parents now try their best to give their children a better education condition atmosphere. Children are encouraged to go to university or graduate school to receive further education and take various courses to have a wider communication with different students. Quite a lot of universities and colleges provide opportunities to introduce students to workshop relevant with their major courses  to gain more practical experience and ability of teamwork. And these abilities are of great importance in adapt and contributing to a society . So we can see children are receiving a nice education and unbringing which can offer them the capacity of constructing a better society tomorrow.

In sum, because the standard of whether children could bringing a better society is more than socialization, some other criterion should given equal emphasis, such as professional skills, spiritual belief, strong will. Furthermore, today's education-not matter from parents, schools or society-should pay great attention to all these respects and actually, rather than what the speaker asserts, is acting a positive role during the process of teaching.

woodmanUID：161906

According tothe speaker's statement, the destiny of society is determined by how childrenare socialized today and the we have not known how to raise children who canbring a better society in future. （怎么有点argu的味道？呵呵）In my point of view, this statement is tooextreme, in two respects. First, there are many more other standards toevaluate whether children can bring a better society tomorrow, rather thansocialized; and secondly, it falsely estimate the effect of the contemporaryeducation.这种风格的开头和argu太相似了，建议还是不要这样写了

Admittedly,whether children are socialized（ornot） has a tight relation with the unbornsociety. A society requires its members the ability of communication or theywill be isolated. Though, granted that children now are well educated in every specificfield and may be a specialist tomorrow, if they do not how to communicate withothers and play a proper part in a teamwork（teamwork不可数）, rare great success would be achievedand as a result, the society will inevitably slow its pace of development. Furthermore, the ability of teamwork and tolerating othersis quite emphasized in current society as well since that one person’s abilityis limited towards a magnificent goal.（团队精神有点岔开你的ts了，因为你主要强调交流，如果你理解的socialization是交流的话） Inshort, the socialization of children today should not be ignored during theeducation.

However,whether children can bring a society is by no means due to only onefactor-socialization. Many other standards, even more important, must be givenequal attention in our education, such as value system, spiritual belief,all-sided knowledge. If a group of youth studying on a research, only know howto talk with each other and share others' opinion, but never give out ownsuggestion, it can be easily imagined how bad the result of the research willbe. The life skills-logical thinking, analysis andcreative problem solving, which guarantee the basic survival.（没有谓语）Thestrong wills and justifiable spiritual belief direct us endeavoring in acorrect path. In lack of these skills and stuffs, the socialization have littleto do with personal life, let alone a better society. Now we can see howimportant a part certain other abilities abovementioned play in theconstruction of a society in future.你大部分是从反面论证的，还应该从正面说一些其它因素的重要性，这样就比较丰满了。

Yet anotherfundamental problem with the statement is that the claim that we have not yetlearned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society ispoorly supported since current education indeed notices the importance ofabilities which make children better contribute to society and actually takeaction in such aspects.（这个句子太长了，拆一下比较好） Parents nowtry their best to give their children a better education condition atmosphere.Children are encouraged to go to university or graduate school to receivefurther education and take various courses to have a wider communication withdifferent students. Quite a lot of universities and colleges provideopportunities to introduce students to workshop relevant with their majorcourses  to gain more practical experience and ability of teamwork. （上面那些都写得比较空泛了，没有信服力，凭什么这些能体现目前教育很好的培育孩子了呢？再深入一点写）Andthese abilities are of great importance in adapt and contributing to a society. So we can see children are receiving a nice education and unbringing whichcan offer them the capacity of constructing a better society tomorrow.

In sum, becausethe standard of whether children could bringing a better society is more thansocialization, some other criterion should given equal emphasis, such asprofessional skills, spiritual belief, strong will. Furthermore, today'seducation-not matter from parents, schools or society-should pay greatattention to all these respects and actually, rather than what the speakerasserts, is acting a positive role during the process of teaching.简单的重复，建议升华一下

你的文章比较稳定，呵呵，可以上战场了，嗯，行文和句式问题都不大。把开头结尾改进一下，很不错了。我总是想挑你的刺（自从我猛拍了norns（可怜的人），搞得现在大家都认为我很猛了），不过难以挑出什么大毛病。你的文章很均衡，呵呵。

nbta03UID：2326371

thanx