Issue130【0806G-Sunbird小组】第7次作业

liouvilleUID: 2412940

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 452          TIME: 00:40

Is it true that the fate of the society depends on how children are socialized? the speaker claims so and I tend to agree. Children are the future of the society.

To begin with, children are the drive of the development of the society. Children are just like the rising sun, the sky will totally belong to the sun when it rises up to the middle of the sky. The society will also be dominated by them. When they are at their childhood, they are experiencing things around them and learning knowledge from their elders, those are very useful to the society because they will use them to innovate and improve the society. Also, they are a new generation and snappy, they are individuals who are very different with their elders, there can be a great variety of new ideas from them, these ideas can be used by their elders when they do not have enough ability to administer the society and will be implemented by them directly after they have controlled the whole society. The society develops and improves thousands of years just because of the children generation to generation.

Furthermore, because of the importance of children above, it becomes very crucial to socialize them well when they are children. Children just start their lives in the world and will interested in things around,  this time is helpful for them to learn and also the best time for the society to society because of their curiosity of the world. As one famous figure said and I paraphrase:” The study period at childhood is the most important part of one's study life", I agree with it because the study and learning at this time will directly depend their future, including their world value, their interest also their direction.

Unfortunately, the society has not find out an effective way to educate children. Does every couple of parents know the interest of their children? Do parents and society pay much attention to create a great study environment for them? We can see that only a little of the children can be success in their life.

It is undoubtedly that children are not the only part that will impact the future of the society; elders also play a great role here. They have the responsibility to develop the current society but also need to prepare the new generation for the future of the society. Children will not perform well if they do not create great conditions for children.

To sum up, children are the most important factor to the destiny of the society, in the future, our society need to do more efforts to educate and socialize them, then our society will have a bright future.

[ 本帖最后由 liouville 于 2007-12-18 21:38 编辑 ]

alicia0530UID: 2152226

Is it true that the fate of the society depends on how children are socialized? the(The) speaker claims so and I tend to agree. Children are the future of the society.

To begin with, children are the drive of the development of the society. Children are just like the rising sun, the sky will totally belong to the sun when it rises up to the middle of the sky.(不知道这样的句子可以么，觉得有点奇怪，好中国的说法呃，请教大家了) The society will also be dominated by them. （还不如就直接用children当主语呢，这里用被动感觉强调的对象就转移了呢）When they are at their childhood, they are experiencing things around them and learning knowledge from their elders, those are（感觉这个有点概念模糊。。？） very useful to the society because they will use them（彻底晕了。。呵呵） to innovate and improve the society. Also, they are a new generation and snappy, they are individuals who are very different with their elders, there can be a great variety of new ideas from them, these ideas can be used by their elders when they do not have enough ability to administer the society and will be implemented by them directly after they have controlled the whole society. The society develops and improves thousands of years just because of the children generation to generation.（这个有点奇怪，不知道想说什么呢。。）这段整体上说，在人称代词的使用上有点小混乱，还是我最近脑子不好使的原因呢？好像有点乱套

Furthermore, because of the importance of children above, it becomes very crucial to socialize them well when they are children. Children just start their lives in the world and will interested in things around,  this time is helpful for them to learn and also the best time for the society to society（这个是啥意思呢？） because of their curiosity of the world. As one famous figure said and I paraphrase:” The study period at childhood is the most important part of one's study life", I agree with it because the study and learning at this time will directly depend their future, including their world value, their interest also their direction.

Unfortunately, the society has not find out an effective way to educate children. Does every couple of parents know the interest of their children? Do parents and society pay much attention to create a great study environment for them? We can see that only a little of the children can be success in their life.（我觉得你这里这样子些，似乎应该在前面提出一个论述的前提，这样子对于什么是有效的教育的论述才会更可信，毕竟这个是你的观点，而且对于教育的有效性的理解本来也就是因人而异的）

It is undoubtedly that children are not the only part that will impact the future of the society; elders also play a great role here. They have the responsibility to develop the current society but also need to prepare the new generation for the future of the society. Children will not perform well if they（这里这个they因为断句，其实应该是指代的children，所以这里不能以they，而是要用their parents...） do not create great conditions(怎么感觉有点chinglish呢。。。我也想不好该怎么表达。。就是觉得有点奇怪，或许没有错误) for children.（成人的作用，不错，我就没想到能写这个）

To sum up, children are the most important factor to the destiny of the society,（这里还是断句的好吧） in the future, our society need to do more efforts to educate and socialize them, then our society will have a bright future.

感觉结尾有些仓促，教育好children，society就能有better future了么？肯定不是必然的么。。。还是把总结涉及的方面缩小一下的比较好吧。。

另外，感觉断句断的不是很好。还有一个比较明显的地方就是，代词的使用有点泛滥的倾向，注意一下啦。呵呵
其他的我就没有自习看了。。感觉好像还可以往下挖掘一下，不知道如果要是举实例的话，怎么举呢？觉得这样子写更像论述的样子，有点干巴巴的，不知道改怎么写呢。。。讨论一下哈。。。加油

best,

revised by alicia0530

liouvilleUID: 2412940

文段里的代词用的较多，比较乱。
自己也没想出来怎么再更深入的论述，也没找到比较好得例子，唉。