[Areo小组]第一次作业(argument153) 大家拍啊~~

sheldenUID: 2338299

TOPIC: ARGUMENT153 - The following is from an editorial in the Midvale Observer, a local newspaper.

"Ever since the 1950's, when television sets began to appear in the average home, the rate of crimes committed by teenagers in the country of Alta has steadily increased. This increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television. According to several national studies, even very young children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment than do children who do not watch violent shows. Furthermore, in a survey conducted by the Observer, over 90 percent of the respondents were parents who indicated that prime-time television-programs that are shown between 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.-should show less violence. Therefore, in order to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta, television viewers should demand that television programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time."


This article is well-presented, but is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The arguer claim that the violent shown should be reduced in order to lower the rate of teenage crime. He cites the following facts: 1)Since television sets are invented, the teenagers crime rate has growing up gradually.2)Increases in teenage crime and the violence shown on television happened in the same time.3)some vague surveys. Close scrutiny into each of them, however, reveals that none of them lend substantiated support to the arguer's recommendation.
First of all, the statistics in the county of Alta are not representitive overall conditions. Different time and period has different situations. So it is obvious that the author made a hasty conclusion ignoring other possible factors. Maybe since that time, a civil war has been launched and even the teenage was involved, armed and fought in the front line. It is also possible that there was a famine in some places of the country. And the teenage had to crime in order to survive the famine. After all, without the evidence to show the representity of the data, it is totally possible that what happened in Alta was just a coincidence.

Secondly, the increase in violence shown on television may due to the development of the television industry, and the rate of violence shown may fall. Even though the violence part were really increased, it may just be played in the deep night, when teenage were sleep. So the author just saw two things happening together, and did not give us sufficient evidence to show the cause-and-result relation.

The study indicates that the more children watch violent shown, the more violent actions they will perform in the daily life. But no evidence show that the more violent actions, the more crimes. As we all know, boys have some violent game, which can build their bodies and strengthen their will, and most of them can behave themselves well when they grown up. Without such evidence, the author cannot rely on the study to support the claim that violent shown should be reduced in order to lower the rate of teenage crime.

At last, the survey lends no support to the author’s claim. It just represented some parents’ idea, without any valid clues. Maybe the parents themselves dislike the violent part and they prefer some useful news or interesting soap opera without thinking of their children at all.

Overall, in order to persuade me, the author should show me how the violence shown influent teenage directly or indirectly. Furthermore, to better evaluate this issue, we need to know how other factors work on teenage.

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

This article is well-presented, but is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The arguer claims that the violent [url=]shown[/url][s1] should be reduced in order to lower the rate of teenage crime. He cites the following facts: 1)Since television sets are [url=]invented[/url][s2] , the teenagers crime rate has growing up gradually.2)Increases in teenage crime and the violence shown on television [url=]happened[/url][s3] in the same time.3)some vague surveys. Close scrutiny into each of them, however, reveals that none of them lend substantiated support to the arguer's recommendation. First of all, the statistics in the country of Alta are not [url=]representitive[/url][s4] overall conditions. Different time and period has different situations. So it is obvious that the author made a hasty conclusion ignoring other possible factors. Maybe since that time, a civil war has been launched and even the teenage was involved, armed and fought in the front line. It is also possible that there was a famine in some places of the country. And the teenage had to [url=]crime [/url][s5] in order to survive the famine. After all, without the evidence to show the representity （?representability）of the data, it is totally possible that what happened in Alta was just a coincidence.Secondly, the increase in violence shown on television may due to the development of the television industry, and the rate of violence shown may fall.(I am not clear about this) Even though the violence part were really increased, it may just be played in the deep night, when teenagers were sleep. So the author just saw two things happening together, and did not give us sufficient evidence to show the cause-and-result (?effect) relation.The study indicates that the more children watch violent shown, the more violent actions they will perform in the daily life. But no evidence show that the more violent actions, the more crimes. As we all know, boys have some violent game, which can build their bodies and strengthen their will, and most of them can behave themselves well when they grown up. Without such evidence, the author cannot rely on the study to support the claim that violent shown should be reduced in order to lower the rate of teenage crime.At last, the survey lends no support to the author’s claim. It just represented some parents’ idea, without any valid clues. Maybe the parents themselves dislike the violent part and they prefer some useful news or interesting soap opera without thinking of their children at all. Overall, in order to persuade me, the author should show me how the violence shown influents teenage directly or indirectly. Furthermore, to better evaluate this issue, we need to know how other factors work on the teenage.
[s1]I am not clear about this, violence shown on TV or violent shows might be better.


[s2]原文的意思好像是进入该地的普通家庭。


[s3]I am not sure about this, may be ‘occurred’ is better.


[s4]representative


[s5]没太见到crime直接用动词的情况，印象中好像是表示判定犯罪的意思。

错误抓得不错，论证得也比较深入，但是小错误还是要注意哦

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

修改格式好象有点没对，楼主需要的话，我可以把word版本的传上来

lvmo36933UID: 2321783

This article is well-presented, but is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The arguer claim（s） that the violent shown should be reduced in order to lower the rate of teenage crime. He cites the following facts: 1)Since television sets are invented, the teenagers crime rate has growing up gradually.2)Increases in teenage crime and the violence shown on television happened in the same time.3)some vague surveys. Close scrutiny into each of them, however, reveals that none of them lend substantiated support to the arguer's recommendation. First of all, the statistics in the county of Alta are not representitive（representative） overall conditions. Different time and period has different situations. So it is obvious that the author made a hasty conclusion ignoring other possible factors. Maybe since that time, a civil war has been launched and even the teenage was involved, armed and fought in the front line. It is also possible that there was a famine in some places of the country. And the teenage had to crime(commit a crime)
in order to survive the famine. After all, without the evidence to show the representity(拼错了吧)
of the data, it is totally possible that what happened in Alta was just a coincidence.Secondly, the increase in violence shown on television may due to the development of the television industry, and the rate of violence shown may fall（off）. Even though the violence part were really increased, it may just be played in the deep night, when teenage were sleep. So the author just saw two things happening together, and did not give us sufficient evidence to show the cause-and-result relation.The study indicates that the more children watch violent shown, the more violent actions they will perform in the daily life. But no evidence show that the more violent actions, the more crimes. As we all know, boys have some violent game, which can build their bodies and strengthen their will, and most of them can behave themselves well when they grown up. Without such evidence, the author cannot rely on the study to support the claim that violent shown should be reduced in order to lower the rate of teenage crime.At last, the survey lends no support to the author’s claim. It just represented some parents’ idea, without any valid clues. Maybe the parents themselves dislike the violent part and they prefer some useful news or interesting soap opera without thinking of their children at all. Overall, in order to persuade me, the author should show me how the violence shown influent(influence) teenage directly or indirectly. Furthermore, to better evaluate this issue, we need to know how other factors work on teenage.

论点抓住了，我认为还应该找出几个错误，比如说，调查的数字是个假象，并不一定所有的人都回复了调查，所以这个90%不具有说服力。argument的题错误找的越多越好。

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

刚刚去看了，好抱歉那个issue里面的字搞得那么大，还不太习惯用这个回复的东东。
嗯，还是没看到传文件的东西，汗下！我用邮箱给你发过去吧！
加油加油:loveliness: