ARGUMENT234 【Aero小组】第3次作业

cacipolarUID: 2186882

写的没感觉，有段时间不写了。

  In this story,the author concludes that people who hunt for longer and healthier lives ought ot move into small communities.To support this,the arthor cites the following:(1)There are fewer sick leave of businesses in the small town of Leeville reported than in nvarby city of Mason City.(2)In Leevile one thousand resident only have one doctor while in Mason City the rate is quite high almost five times as that in Leeville.(3)Average age of Leeville resident is much higher than that in Mason City.However,the argument has several fallacies.
  Based on the face that there are fewer people reported sick leave in Leeville ,the author concludes that people in Leeville are healthier than that in Mason City.However,this is not necessary the case,it is possible that many sick leaves are not reported in Leevilled,or it is possible that some people goldbrick in the excuse of bad health condition.In short,without considering and rulling out these possibilities ,the argument is not convincing.
  Moreover,few physician per resident does not indicat that people live in Leeville are healthier,it can also mean that Mason has a better  medical condition than Leeville does.For that matter,we can conclude that people in Leeville have many trouble when they need to .Thus,without rulling out this strong possibility I can accept the author's view.
  Average age of Leeville resident is much higher does not necessarily indicate that people in Leeville live longer.The author overlooks the possibility that elder people come there to live, while in Mason City ,it is mainly young pepole.Therefore,without rulling out this possibility,the view of the argument is not convincing.
  Even if pepole in small communities lives longer,people can sought for other aspects of healthier lives in large cities.For instance,people can have a promising future when working in big cities.In short,without rulling out this aspect,the author can not convincing me that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities.
  To sum up,the argument is not credible because the author does not lend support to the argument.To support this argument,the author need to provide other imformation about the a goverment health report of Leeville.Without these imformation,I can not accept the author's conclusion.

m2zhyUID: 2440721

  In this story, the author concludes that people who hunt for longer and healthier lives ought ot move into small communities. To support this, the arthor cites the following 1)There are fewer sick leave of businesses in the small town of Leeville reported than in nvarby(nearby) city of Mason City.(2)In Leevile one thousand resident only have one doctor while in Mason City the rate is quite high almost five times as that in Leeville.(3)Average age of Leeville residents is much higher than that in Mason City. However, the argument has several fallacies. (首段论断提出的很清晰阿，赞个！~ 不过，我没见过直接用符号1，2，3做过度的，不知道这样行不行。)

  Based on the face that there are fewer people reported sick leave in Leeville ,the author concludes that people in Leeville are healthier than that in Mason City. However, this is not necessary(去掉是不是更好些？) the case, it is possible that many sick leaves are not reported in Leevilled, or it is possible that some people goldbrick in the excuse of bad health condition. In short, without considering and rulling(ruling) out these possibilities, the argument is not convincing.

  Moreover, few physicians per resident does not indicat(indicate) that people live in Leeville are healthier, it can also mean that Mason has a better medical condition than Leeville does. For that matter, we can conclude(这里是种假定猜想情况，用conclude是不是语气太强硬了？换成guess会不会更好些？) that people in Leeville have many trouble when they need to (see doctor). Thus, without rulling(同上) out this strong possibility I can (not) accept the author's view.

  Average age of Leeville resident is much higher does not necessarily indicate that people in Leeville live longer. The author overlooks the possibility that elder people come there to live, while in Mason City ,it is mainly young people(people). Therefore, without rulling(同上2) out this possibility, the view of the argument is not convincing.

  Even if people(people) in small communities lives longer, people can sought for other aspects of healthier lives in large cities. For instance, people can have a promising future when working in big cities. In short, without rulling(同上3 ^_^) out this aspect, the author can not convincing me that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities.

  To sum up, the argument is not credible because the author does not lend support to the argument. To support this argument, the author need to provide other imformation(information) about the a government health report of Leeville. Without these imformation(information), I can not accept the author's conclusion.

总评：文章的思路清晰，逻辑连贯，驳论的不错。就是错别字太多~ ^_^ 建议下次发作业前先用word先检查一下，会给批改的组友带来很多便利哦~

      另外，句式重复太多，光“rulling out”就出现了4次，每次总结句读用这个，有点太多次了哦~

      语法错误很少，用词比较得当，不过建议还是要加强词汇方面，避免过多的重复用词。


[ 本帖最后由 m2zhy 于 2007-12-30 01:01 编辑 ]

saavedroUID: 2423190

字数：354  少了点，应该写到450左右 至少上400吧 呵呵   （另外建议下次你先把文章放到word里头把一些拼写错误和小语法问题纠正后发上来吧，呵呵 拼写错误我就先不改了） 每一段的开头没有承接词，这是一大缺陷 (a significant handicap)


     In this story,the author concludes that people who hunt（这个词是不用的太过了，人们饥渴的追求长寿和健康？ 题目好像强调的不是这个吧？） for longer and healthier lives ought ot move into small communities.To support this,the arthor cites the following1)There are fewer sick leave of businesses in the small town of Leeville reported than in nvarby city of Mason City.(2)In Leevile one thousand resident only have one doctor while in Mason City the rate is quite high almost five times as that in Leeville.(3)Average age of Leeville resident is much higher than that in Mason City.However,the argument has several fallacies.
     Based on the face that there are fewer people reported sick leave in Leeville ,the author concludes that people in Leeville are healthier than that in Mason City.However,this is not necessary the case,it is （加上个副词修饰一下吧）possible that many sick leaves（这是怎么回事？） are not reported in Leevilled,or it is possible that some people （这里是不是加一个名字作为一个概念限定一下，比如说行为，作风等等）goldbrick（呵呵这个词我又见了一遍，赞！！！GRE词汇） in the excuse of bad health condition.In short,without considering and rulling out these possibilities ,the argument is not convincing.
    Moreover,few physician（少成分 怎么样？？？） per resident does not indicat that people live in Leeville are healthier,it can also mean that Mason has a better  medical condition than Leeville does.For that matter,we can conclude（这里是在举例子，所以不建议用conclude,可以用 predict /assume/guess...) that people in Leeville have many trouble when they need to .Thus,without rulling out this strong possibility I can accept the author's view.(他还没给你好处呢，兄弟你怎么这就投降了？？？ 应该是 I cannot accept ......)
    Average age of Leeville resident is much higher does not necessarily indicate that people in Leeville live longer.The author overlooks the possibility that elder people come there to live(后面应该加从句补充说明为什么或者怎么样 老人要来这里生活？？比如说 躲避战乱，躲避疾病传染，或者说房价便宜等等）, while in Mason City ,it is mainly young pepole.Therefore,without rulling out this possibility,the view of the argument is not convincing.
    Even if pepole in small communities lives longer,people can sought for other aspects of healthier lives in large cities.For instance,people can have a promising future（这个想的很好） when working in big cities（但是后面这里太平淡了。。。还应该说明别的这种未来的美好希望。。。）.In short,without rulling out this aspect,the author can not convincing me that people (in order to) seeking(去ing) longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities for their wise choice.
    To sum up,the argument is not credible because the author does not lend support to the argument.To support this argument,the author need to provide other imformation about the(....) a(...)(这是怎么回事？） goverment health report of Leeville（这句话有问题啊， 你想表达什么意思呢？关于政府的什么工作呢？ 我想了半天也没想透？？？）.Without these imformation,I can not accept the author's conclusion.


评点：
1. 首先字数不够， 没有一定的字数，无法把这三个逻辑漏洞分析的入微细致，另外你所举出的例子很平淡，虽然都是问题可能现象的反应，但是似乎每次都是用模板把问题列举出来了，后面给人的期待性很强，可是例子总是平平淡淡的描述一下，有一种让人读起来先激动，后失望的感觉。总之我感觉就是逻辑问题没有分析透彻，所举例子没有将问题彻底攻击。
2. 语言问题， 拼写错误在所难免，这是很正常的我们平时在QQ上聊天的时候也经常将汉语拼错，但是还是应该多多注意，平时打字的时候可以慢一点，要不对于考试来说就是一大问题了。 还有就是句子多变问题， 感觉你的文章没有长句以及结构上经典的句子。 建议多用用 比较结构，排比结构，一些高级语法上的句子。
3.最后就是段落问题，三个问题之中至少应该有一个问题是详细攻击的，我没有看出来，没一段都是以错误为TOPIC SENTENCE开始，但是中间稍稍说说又草草结尾。 这样似乎不大好。应该详细说明。展开的越详细，越能体现你的逻辑思维给ETS看。


  努力吧！！！ 最近都在考试，兄弟平时累了可以上QQ咱们讨论讨论聊聊天， 还有就是咱们是不是该开始ISSUE了， argu这样基本上已经开了个好头了，可以ISSUE了， 要不时间就不够了。