ARGUMENT26 Aero 第四次作业

sheldenUID: 2338299

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 475          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-1-3 17:15:25

In this memo, the author, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda, claims that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade, the music director at Steel City High School (SCHS) in the past five years, as the manager of general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this claim, he cites the school band victories of three regional band competition, and the improvement of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High (SCH) in the past five years. Nevertheless, this memo is well-presented, but not well-reasoned, because several logical flaws weaken the effectivity of the reasoning.

Firstly, whether the director or the students contribute more to the achievement of the SCHS should be taken into accounted. Undoubtedly, it is possible that Mr. Charles plays an important role in this result. But the probability that the factor of students is due to this achievement also should not be neglected. Perhaps, a group of music-playing geniuses went to SCHS and joined the band, which improve the playing level of the band dramatically. Also, the situation of other competitors should be considered. There is also the probability that students in other schools preferred studying to instruments in the last five years. After all, without more details, the author cannot attribute the fruits of SCHS band to the director, Mr. Charles.

Even if he played an essential role in the achievement of SCHS, the improvement of the quality of musical instruments at SCH may have little relation with Mr. Charles. He is only a director of a high school band. With his ability, he can only improve the playing skills of his own band. So there is a great probability that he is barely contributed to the advancement of musical instrument. Perhaps his colleagues whose duty is to manage the equipment of the band persuaded an instrument company as a sponsor. In that case, undoubtedly, the quality of the musical instrument would improve completely. Lack of the evidence about the accurate duty of Mr. Charles, haste conclusion should not be drawn so early.

Even if he was responsible for the improvement mentioned above, he may not manage to do his new job, to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. He is a director, so his ability is to direct a band to play better music, but the new job is something about management. Without the information that he has got MBA or some other related clues, the doubt that he would fail in this job would appear.

At last, this memo is unsubstantiated as it stands. To better evaluate this issue, the author should provide us more details of the change in the school and the city, also more evidence of Mr. Charles.

第一次在规定时间内写完  没怎么改就弄上来了  肯定问题很多 大家猛拍吧

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

In this memo, the author, the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda, claims that the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade, the music director at Steel City High School (SCHS) in the past five years, as the manager of general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this claim, he cites the school band victories of three regional band competition, and the improvement of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High (SCH) in the past five years. Nevertheless, this memo is well-presented, but not well-reasoned, because several logical flaws weaken the effectivity of the reasoning. (呵呵，其实你的第一段也不短哦，我就是比较困惑，写这段占好多时间哦，导致主体部分乱写，有没有比较好的办法缩短这一段写作的长度和时间啊)

Firstly, whether the director or the students contribute more to the achievement of the SCHS should be taken into accounted. Undoubtedly, it is possible that Mr. Charles plays an important role in this result. But the probability that the factor of students is due to this achievement also should not be neglected. Perhaps, a group of music-playing geniuses went to SCHS and joined the band, which improve(s) the playing(delete playing) level of the band dramatically. Also, the situation of other competitors should be considered. There is also the probability that students in other schools preferred studying to instruments in the last five years. After all, without more details, the author cannot attribute the fruits of SCHS band to the director, Mr. Charles.

Even if he played an essential role in the achievement of SCHS, the improvement of the quality of musical instruments at SCH may have little relation with Mr. Charles. He is only a director of a high school band. With his ability(?power or authority), he can only improve the playing skills of his own band. So there is a great probability that he is barely contributed to the advancement of musical instrument. Perhaps his colleagues whose duty is to manage the equipment of the band persuaded an instrument company as a sponsor. In that case, undoubtedly, the quality of the musical instrument would improve completely. Lack of the evidence about the accurate duty of Mr. Charles, haste conclusion should not be drawn so early.(haste, early是不是有点重复了)

Even if he was responsible for the improvement mentioned above, he may not manage to do his new job, to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. He is a director, so his ability is to direct a band to play better music, （这句说得有点绝对了，知道你的意思，但是这样说因为他是指挥，所以他的才能就是指挥乐队，好像有点~可以说他以前的工作是director，我们只能知道他在指挥上的才能，而不了解其他能力）but the new job is something about management. Without the information that he has got MBA or some other related clues, the doubt that he would fail in this job would appear.

At last, this memo is unsubstantiated as it stands. To better evaluate this issue, the author should provide us more details of the change in the school and the city, also more evidence of Mr. Charles. 这段显得是在仓促间完成的。
前面的错误抓得不错，关键论证的很深入。值得学习啊！加油！