Argument2【Aero小组】第六次作业

xuj401UID: 2434494

argu第2题
The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.
'Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting.'

  In the analyse,the arguer assert that by landscaping and housepainting,the property values in Deerhaven Acres could be raised.To suport this conclusion,the speaker point out that the houseowners have landscaped the community's yards and colored the appearence of the houses,and their property values hve incresed hardly.Close scrutiny of each  of these facts,however,reveals that none of them lend the credibal suport to the recommendation.

  The major problem with this arguement is that the speaker cite the example hapened in seven years ago.The speaker show us the citation that the homeowner's property valued tripled in seven years ago.However,for the reason that such things hapened in seven years ago,it could not means that by landscaping the community's yards and coloring the appearence of the houses,the Deerhaven Acres homeowners also got the same benefit.

  Another problem that weaken the logic of this argument is that the example cited is in Brookville community,the landscaping and tha paiting could make the price of house becoming high.Nonethless,according the experence,lots of reasons could result the increse of price,such as the inflation of economy.

   Before I come to my conclusion,it is necessary to point out another flaw that the argument depend on the report that by landscaping the community's yards and coloring the appearence of the houses,the average property values have incresed triplely.Neverthless,the survey cited here is too vague to be informative.

  To sum up,the conclusion lacks crediblity because the evidence cited in reccomdation do no t lend strong suport to the claim.To make the argument more convincing,the arguer would  have to provide more specific eveidence concerning that the citation hapened 7 years ago is also available to the current complexion;the landscaping and tha paiting is the main reason of the incresing of the property values in Brookville;the speaker should present more reserch datas to substantiate the reccomendation.

freemankevin776UID: 2423220

兄弟，分析不够透彻啊

m2zhyUID: 2440721

  In the analyse(改成analysis，这个比较常用些), the arguer assert that by landscaping and housepainting, the property values in Deerhaven Acres could be raised. To suport(support单词拼写错误！) this conclusion, the speaker point out that the houseowners have landscaped the community's yards and colored the appearence(appearance单词拼写错误！) of the houses, and their property values hve(have单词拼写错误！) incresed hardly(?这个意思不合适啊~). Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend the credibal(credible单词拼写错误！) suport(support单词拼写错误！) to the recommendation. (数一数，这段有个5处单词拼写错误，汗！~)

  The major problem with this arguement(argument拼错啦~) is that the speaker cite the example hapened(happened拼错啦~) in seven years ago. The speaker show us the citation that the homeowner's property valued tripled in seven years ago.(这句话和第一句话结构重复的太多了，建议变换一下) However, for the reason that such things hapened(又拼错啦~) in seven years ago, it could not means that by landscaping the community's yards and coloring the appearence(又拼错啦~) of the houses, the Deerhaven Acres homeowners also got the same benefit. (这段分析的太太简单了。除去主题句，只剩一句话：“七年前的获益并不意味着今天也能同样获益”。建议，不如直接拿这句话做主题句，然后展开，会很有说服力的。^_^) (还有，同样的问题，单词拼写错误！汗~)

  Another problem that weaken the logic of this argument is that the example cited is in Brookville community, the landscaping and tha paiting(显然，又是拼错的~) could make the price of house becoming high. Nonethless(拼错了~), according the experence(拼错了~), lots of reasons could result the increse(拼错了~) of price, such as the inflation of economy.(这里需要你顺势而展开你所说的lots of reasons了) (这段的问题同上，驳论太简单，拼写错误太多)

   Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that the argument depend on the report that by landscaping the community's yards and coloring the appearence(拼错了~) of the houses, the average property values have incresed triplely.Neverthless,the survey cited here is too vague to be informative.(这段貌似只写了一个主题句，汗++~)

  To sum up, the conclusion lacks crediblity(拼错了~) because the evidence cited in reccomdation(拼错了~)  do not lend strong suport(拼错了~)  to the claim. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would  have to provide more specific eveidence(拼错了~)  concerning that the citation hapened(拼错了~)  7 years ago is also available to the current complexion; the landscaping and tha paiting(拼错了~)  is the main reason of the incresing(拼错了~)  of the property values in Brookville; the speaker should present more reserch(拼错了~)  datas(data不可数)  to substantiate the reccomendation(拼错了~).

总评：
       首先，请搂主下次发文章前，先在word里面检查一下一般的低级错误，如拼写，格式（标点符号后的空格）等。呵呵，这是大家互改互利的前提啊~ 你的负责认真不仅能给为你改作文的组友省去不少不必要的时间，重要的是能让你自己不因这些小错误而失分啊。
       其次，搂主是不是之前从来没有写过argument，从楼主的文章看，楼主对argument的写作要领并没有领会。驳论也要深刻阿，不能草草了事，摆摆模板就可以混过去的哦~
       最后，建议先多看看范文哈~看看别人是怎么写的，就知道自己该怎么写了~ ^_^

feijizhizaoUID: 2358452

就一句话：多看范文多练习！:)