Issue51 [老兵小组] 第1次作文（教育的有效性）

wggtterUID: 2371867

Issue51
51"Education will betruly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individualneeds and interests of each student."

题纲
1. 定义教育的目标，既满足个人的需求，又满足社会的需求。
2. 教育满足个人需求的好处。
3. 需要满足社会的需求。


When it comes to education,some people believe that it will be true effective only when it is specificallydesigned to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, but othersbelieve that only meet the individual needs and interests of each student willmake education less efficient. Before we verdict their point, we must elucidatethe goal of education at first. The method that helps to achieve this goalquickly can be considered as be effective.

What is the goal of education?The goal of education, I guess, is not only to meet the individual needs andinterest that help individual development, but also to satisfy the needs ofsocial development that achieve the advancement of the whole human.

The education, designed tomeet the individual need and interest, will always ignite the student’s passionon learning, and consequently accelerate the student’s comprehension. Learningwith one’s interest，like driving a sport car at high speed。With the help of a sport car, you can arrive at your destination in avery short time. And with the help of the interest, you can understand yourinteresting knowledge in a very short time. When students learn something inwhich they are interest, they will not feel tired and hungry, and will forgetanything that is unrelated with what they are doing. Since students whodedicated themselves into learning, will grasp the knowledge quickly, thestudents with interest will learn effectively. In all, the education designedfor the individual will definitely help individual development.

However, before we sayeducation is truly effective, we must first clarify what is the goal ofeducation. If we say the goal of education is only to instill knowledge intothe student as much as possible, no matter whether they are useful for thewhole society, the education designed as above is effective. If the goal ofeducation is to give the students’ capacity of build the future society, weshould ask if the knowledge that the individual interest in is sufficient andnecessary for the future world. The education, designed for the society, shouldnot only consider individual need and interest, but also the need for futuredevelopment of society, such as what is best for future world, how to build abeautiful and harmony society , that may not be interested by students. If astudent learn what he/she is interested in, but not what may be helpful forhis/her future, like he/she drive a fast sport car in a wrong direction. Thiswill turns to be that no matter how fast the sport car is, he or she will neverarrive at his/her destination. The efficiency of the education is based on thebuilding a right direction that guide the students.

The efficiency of educationsometimes will be destroyed by the only focusing on meeting the individual needand interest. Just image such a situation that a child is in poverty, and he isinterest in some method that making money quickly no matter if it is legal. Ifthe education of child is for his individual need and interest, he may get someknowledge about how to steal, cheat which will make a negative effect on the socialdevelopment. In this way, this kind of education is harmful for the ultimategoal and hard to say itself is efficient.

So, the education which is trulyeffective, should first consider the need of society, and then the individualneed and interest. Only can combine the two factors effectively, the educationis truly effective.

写作思路，根据教育的目标来解释教育是否有效。


[ 本帖最后由 wggtter 于 2008-2-4 09:48 编辑 ]

wy86917UID: 2335014

2个建议：
1 提纲
2 写完了放到WORD里先看看

Rainy1423UID: 2315816

首先针对你的提纲说两句~
提纲范围很局限，只选取了一个角度，即教育的目的。
实际上还可以从知识的角度，受教育者的角度等多个角度来说明你的“两全”论点，文章就会丰富很多。

When it comes to education,somepeople believe that it will be true [truly 才能修饰形容词]effective only when it isspecifically designed to meet [“遇见”在这里不太合适，最好改成“关注”或“重视”等] the individual needs and interests of eachstudent, but others believe that only meet the individual needs andinterests of each student will make education less efficient. Before weverdict their points, we must elucidate the goal of education at first.The method that helps to achieve this goal quickly can be considered asbe effective.[这句话很别扭是因为缺少必要的连词，比如“then”或者其他]
这段话的问题在于，没有论点。作者把为什么要讨论教育的目的作为第一段是很吃亏的，因为读者最想知道的是你认为教育有效性是否和个人兴趣挂钩。因此，你必须在第一段的有限空间里优先出示你的态度。第一段最重要的是告诉别人你怎么想。
个人建议你在此段之前加一段论点段。

What is the goal of education?Thegoal of education, I guess, is not only to meet the individual needsand interest that help individual development, but also to satisfy theneeds of social development that achieve the advancement of the wholehuman[搭配有问题].
教育的目的性是作者猜测的。而教育的目的性的内容又是唯一可以证明作者观点的重点论据，所以联系起来就是作者用于证明观点的最重要理由是猜测的。这就是论证不充分的证据了。
解决方法很简单，把“I guess”去掉，尽量把教育的目的“编”得官方一点。^_^

The education, designed to meet theindividual need and interest, will always ignite the student’spassion on learning, and consequently accelerate the student’scomprehension. Learning with one’s interest，like driving a sport car at high speed。Withthe help of a sport car, you can arrive at your destination in a veryshort time. And with the help of the interest, you can understandyour interesting knowledge in a very short time. When students learnsomething in which they are interested, they will not feel tired andhungry, and will forget anything that is unrelated[unrelative] with what they aredoing. Since students who dedicated themselves into learning, will graspthe knowledge quickly, the students with interest will learneffectively. In all, the education designed for the individual willdefinitely help individual development.
在举例方面，作者打了个开车的比方来形容有兴趣地学习会产生怎样的状态，却不是效果，而且这个比方并不能证明整个教育也会因为迎合了学生的兴趣而像开了快车一样有效。所以这个例子是片面的。
作者应该试着寻找更多具体的例子去说明兴趣能够点燃学生热情的功能。

However, before we say education istruly effective, we must first clarify what is the goal of education. [这句话无论是和上一段的连接还是本身的语法上，都有问题呀好像~ 另外，如果这句话是这一段的分论点，那么它就和前面的段落分论点都重复了。作者必须置换出其他的论点，整段才有存在的意义啊] Ifwe say the goal of education is only to instill knowledge into thestudent's mind as much as possible, no matter whether they are useful forthe whole society, the education designed as above is effective. If thegoal of education is to give the students’ capacity of building the futuresociety, we should ask if the knowledge that the individual interested inis sufficient and necessary for the future world. The education,designed for the society, should not only consider individual's need andinterest, but also the need for future development of society, such aswhat is the best for future world, how to build a beautiful and harmonysociety , that may not be interested by students. If a student learnwhat he/she is interested in, but not what may be helpful for his/herfuture, like he/she drives a fast sport car in a wrong direction.This will turns[删掉] to be that no matter how fast the sport car is, he orshe will never arrive at his/her destination. The efficiency of theeducation is based on the[删掉] building a right direction that guide thestudents.
这一段理由站不住脚。原因是作者的逻辑比较弱。教育的目的在作者的心目中是动摇的，在动摇的论据基础上进行论证等于是在没有地基的土地上搭房子。
作者想证明当教育的目的是为了灌输知识时，这些知识就是有效的。而当教育的目的变成给学生创造未来的能力，那么兴趣能使教育更有效。显然，整个逻辑就是错误的。
整段的表达很生，很多词汇搭配让人很费解~直译都很难啊~~呵呵~

The efficiency ofeducation sometimes will be destroyed by the only focusing on meetingthe individual need and interest.[该段的分论点] Just image [imagine] such a situation that achild is in poverty, and he is interested in some method that making [makes] moneyquickly no matter if it is legal. If the education of child is for hisindividual need and interest, he may get some knowledge about how tosteal, cheat [cheat 似乎是及物动词吧~]which will make a negative effect on thesocial development. In this way, this kind of education is harmful forthe ultimate goal and hard to say itself is efficient.
这一段说的意思挺明确的，说的是教育不能完全被兴趣所支配。
只不过，这一段如果换换位置，往前摆，会更有说服力。

So, the education which istrulyeffective, should first consider the need of society[我仔细找了找，没有发现前面有说教育应该首先考虑社会需求阿，难道我看漏了？我只看到作者在上面一段说教育不能全靠兴趣，但是不靠兴趣不代表就要靠社会需求阿，在这里作者似乎犯了一个“非此即彼”的错误，忽略了问题的复杂性], and then theindividual need and interest. Only can combine the two factorseffectively, the educationis truly effective.
这一段才真正摆出了作者的态度，很显然，作者认为个人兴趣和社会需求对于教育的作用应该是有先后顺序的，前面的段落如果多注意阐明这种“顺序性”，作者的文章就应该是相当有个性，有想法的文章了。

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个人观点：
总的来说，作者的文章脉络是很清晰的，只不过论述的角度太局限了，影响了作者的展开论述。
其次，在语句的表达上，作者有一些很明显的语法错误，不过问题不大，以后认真点就好。还有就是似乎非常鄙视“代词the”的存在哈，名词前基本看不到代词the的。还有通篇的“meet”的用法我有点迷糊，meet可以这么用吗？欢迎交流。另外，在作者的文章里发现了一些Chiglish的表达，建议读点外文杂志什么，增加点词汇搭配的素材。反正我的词汇搭配也很烂，我觉得外文杂志相对提升得快一点。
再次就是作者论述的方法了。一定要直接加具体，但是这两点似乎作者都还不太习惯哈。不习惯开头提出论点，也不习惯针对论点给出理由，也不习惯根据理由展示事例，但是这些都是些议论文的基本步骤，希望作者能试着用这种模式化的方法作文试试看哈~
废话完毕~再接再厉！