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wenwenwen4444UID: 2377774

38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public
Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to
significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study
reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high,
people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of
colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since
colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work,
we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from
fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

In a study report, fish consumption is quite high and every year, there is
only once or twice for pepole's  treatment for colds in hospital. Based on
this report, the author make a assumption that catching cold  hardly is
because of eating fish frequently and thus recommends taking Ichthaid per day
to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. It seems well-founded but is dubious
in my view for several debates as follows.

Are there any evidences indicate that high fish consumption brings on few
times catching colds? Maybe people in East Meria are so impecunious that few
of them afford the cost of treatment for colds in hospital. And maybe most of
masses have a notion that light illness is unnecessary to see a doctor and
store medicine for colds usually at home. Furthermore, maybe the eviroment in
East Meria adapts to living while people there high on exercises. In short,
some alternatives can be cited to reveal the eating fish is not the only one
possible way to prevent colds. In addition, the time range, the sample, the
study mothod and so on for the study is hidden. In this case, the report of
study is unconvincing to support author.

Even if the assumption can be demonstrated, the reason that leads to the
absenteeism may be unconvincing. It is largely possible that "catching colds"
is only the pretence his or her absenteeism. That is to say, even though the
innovative treatment for colds has put into practise and also successfully
prevents colds, the condition of sbsenteeism will maybe unchanged.

Finally, the author asserts that Ichthaid which is derived from fish oil can
prevent colds. Is it the oil or only the oil in fish that contributes to the
prevending colds? Nothing supports it. It is possible that nutrition from
eyes, meat or even bone instead of oil of fish plays an important role in
preventing colds. In addition, maybe the side effects of fish oil bring on other
illnesses which can be the new reason for absenteeism. This is the case, the
propose of lowing sbsenteeism by taking Ichthaid will come to failing.

In conclusion, the recommendation in this memo is unsubstantiated unless the
author provides more reliable details of the study about fish consumption and
catching colds and demonstrates that the sbsenteeism is due to colds as well
as it is fish oil operates effectively in preventing colds.         

[ 本帖最后由 wenwenwen4444 于 2008-2-16 23:55 编辑 ]

barretshaoUID: 2449682

38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public
Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to
significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study
reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high,
people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of
colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since
colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work,
we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from
fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

In a study report, fish consumption is quite high and every year, there is
only once or twice for pepole's  treatment for colds in hospital. Based on
this report, the author make  (makes)   a (an)  assumption that catching cold  hardly is
because of eating fish frequently and thus recommends taking Ichthaid per day
to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. It seems well-founded but is dubious
in my view for several debates as follows.(我觉得absenteeism的原因要提及下)

Are there any evidences indicate that high fish consumption brings on few
times catching colds? Maybe people in East Meria are so impecunious that few
of them afford the cost of treatment for colds in hospital.（我觉得这点有些太牵强了。。呵呵） And maybe most of
masses have a notion that light illness is unnecessary to see a doctor and
store medicine for colds usually at home. Furthermore, maybe the eviroment in
East Meria adapts to living while people there high on exercises. In short,
some alternatives can be cited to reveal the eating fish is not the only one
possible way to prevent colds. In addition, the time range, the sample, the
study mothod and so on for the study is hidden. In this case, the report of
study is unconvincing to support author.（这部分似乎论证太多了）

Even if the assumption can be demonstrated, the reason that leads to the
absenteeism may be unconvincing. It is largely possible that "catching colds"
is only the pretence his or her absenteeism. That is to say, even though the
innovative treatment for colds has put into practise and also successfully
prevents colds, the condition of sbsenteeism will maybe unchanged.

Finally, the author asserts that Ichthaid which is derived from fish oil can
prevent colds. Is it the oil or only the oil in fish that contributes to the
prevending colds? Nothing supports it. It is possible that nutrition from
eyes, meat or even bone instead of oil of fish plays an important role in
preventing colds. In addition, maybe the side effects of fish oil bring on other
illnesses which can be the new reason for absenteeism. This is the case, the
propose of lowing sbsenteeism by taking Ichthaid will come to failing.

In conclusion, the recommendation in this memo is unsubstantiated unless the
author provides more reliable details of the study about fish consumption and
catching colds and demonstrates that the sbsenteeism is due to colds as well
as it is fish oil operates effectively in preventing colds.   
（我觉得这篇argument的逻辑主线不是很清楚。。为什么提出这个建议，因为缺席频率高，而其原因又是因为感冒。。。再通过这个study来说明鱼的作用。。。最后提出应用鱼油

其中有一点没有攻击到。就是East Meria 和 West Meria的情况不同。。我觉得第一个攻击点和第二个攻击点可以互换下。）

beetle1986UID: 2431214

先提个建议，你可以用AWP和记事本写作文，可是写完之后最好先在word里把简单的语法和拼写错误改一下。因为word有自动识别这些错误的功能，会用红线或绿线标示之。
In a study report, fish consumption is quite high and every year, there is only once or twice for people's treatment for colds in hospital(是平均每个人去医院一到二次，这句表述不够准确). Based on this report, the author makes an assumption that catching cold hardly is because of eating fish frequently and thus recommends taking Ichthaid per day to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. It seems well-founded but is dubious in my view for several debates as follows.
开头段不算短，但似乎没有准确地表达出论者的逻辑。比如没有说Ichthaid是什么东西。
Are there any evidences indicate that high fish consumption brings on few times catching colds? Maybe people in East Meria are so impecunious that few of them afford the cost of treatment for colds in hospital. And maybe most of masses have a notion that light illness is unnecessary to see a doctor and store medicine for colds usually at home. Furthermore, 这里可以先加一个分论点。说还有其他的原因使E城的人少得病。Maybe the environment in East Meria adapts to living while people there high on exercises. In short, some alternatives can be cited to reveal the eating fish is not the only one possible way to prevent colds. In addition, the time range, the sample, the study method and so on for the study is hidden. In this case, the report of study is unconvincing to support author. 这里有了两个总结句，删掉一句。

Even if the assumption can be demonstrated, the reason that leads to the absenteeism may be unconvincing. It is largely possible that "catching colds" is only the pretence his or her absenteeism. That is to say, even though the innovative treatment for colds has put into practice and also successfully prevents colds, the condition of absenteeism will maybe unchange.

Finally, the author asserts that Ichthaid which is derived from fish oil can prevent colds. Is it the oil or only the oil in fish that contributes to the preventing colds? Nothing supports it. It is possible that nutrition from eyes, meat or even bone instead of oil of fish plays an important role in preventing colds. In addition, maybe the side effects of fish oil bring on other illnesses which can be the new reason for absenteeism. (If) this is the case, the purpose of lowing absenteeism by taking Ichthaid will come to failing.

In conclusion, the recommendation in this memo is unsubstantiated unless the author provides more reliable details of the study about fish consumption and catching colds and demonstrates that the absenteeism is due to colds as well as it is fish oil operates effectively in preventing colds.  
建议写全文之前先写一个逻辑性比较好的提纲，最好是有自己的模板。
再就是一般来说三个论证段长度最好平均一些。