argument65[Jet小组]第七次作业

ellefrancaiUID: 2449693

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
Word: 453

The article appeared in the memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located through the United States seems made the conclusion that they can improve profits in all of their stores by discontinuing stocking imported cheese and only stocking domestic cheeses which is based on a recent survey of a magazine and the selling record of their chain stores. However, it is full of logical flaws throughout the process of making the conclusion.

Firstly, it is said in the article that according to a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers, which is far from convincing. Since the survey is investigated among its readers, it cannot represent most customers of the chain stores of cheeses. The researchers should do the survey among a much wider population and also include those who are not the readers of the magazine in so that can make the result more accurate and convincing.

Secondly, the author said that the best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin at their newest shop last year. But there are obvious logical flaws in this sentence that the best-selling record of a single shop and in a single year is not believable enough to show the tendency that domestic cheeses are becoming more and more popular. It is possible that the customers in other old shops still loves imported cheeses more than domestic ones. And there is also a possibility that people preferred imported cheeses to domestic ones in other years and last year is just a exception. Furthermore, cheeses from Wisconsin cannot be a representative of all domestic cheeses. Maybe it is the only kind of domestic cheeses which is popular with customers.

Last but not lease, it is of course that it is not the best way to improve profits in all of the chain stores by stocking domestic cheeses instead of imported ones. The first reason is that since chain stores located throughout the United States and people have different tastes of food as well as cheeses, only selling domestic cheeses is a kind of dangerous method. It is certain that the chain stores will lose a lot of customers who are in love with those imported cheeses and it might be a huge amount for the chain stores. Moreover, the best way to improve profits I think might be to increase the amount of domestic cheeses as well as keep stocking imported ones.

In sum, the article appeared in the memo is full of logical flaws and can hardly be convincing for the customers of the chain stores. Therefore, use this kind of selling strategy is dangerous for maintaining the business.

xiahsoulUID: 2441730

The article appeared in the memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located through the United States seems made the conclusion that they can improve profits in all of their stores by discontinuing stocking imported cheese and only stocking domestic cheeses which is based on a recent survey of a magazine and the selling record of their chain stores. However, it is full of logical flaws throughout the process of making the conclusion.（觉得你开头比较复杂，就算你复述前文也应该尽量精简着复，比如说我觉得你前面再把它出现在那里的重复就不用了，在开头增加字数不是明智之举）

Firstly, it is said in the article that according to （a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine which indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers, which is far from convincing）.（这句话缺少成分，可以改成 according to a recent survey, it is said that an increasing`~``） Since the survey is investigated among its readers, it cannot represent most customers of the chain stores of cheeses. The researchers should do the survey among a much wider population and also include those who are not the readers of the magazine in so that can make the result more accurate and convincing.

Secondly, the author said that the best-selling cheeses were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin at their newest shop last year. But there are obvious logical flaws in this sentence that the best-selling record of a single shop and in a single year is not believable enough to show the tendency that domestic cheeses are becoming more and more popular. It is possible that the customers in other old shops still loves imported cheeses more than domestic ones. And there is also a possibility that people preferred imported cheeses to domestic ones in other years and last year is just a(an） exception. Furthermore, cheeses from Wisconsin cannot be a representative of all domestic cheeses. Maybe it is the only kind of domestic cheeses which is popular with customers.

Last but not lease, it is of course that it is not the best way to improve profits in all of the chain stores by stocking domestic cheeses instead of imported ones. The first reason is that since chain stores located throughout the United States and people have different tastes of food as well as cheeses, only selling domestic cheeses is a kind of dangerous（risky比较好) method. It is certain that the chain stores will lose a lot of customers who are in love with those imported cheeses and it might be a huge amount for the chain stores. Moreover, the best way to improve profits I think might be to increase the amount of domestic cheeses as well as keep stocking imported ones.

In sum, the article appeared in the memo is full of logical flaws and can hardly be convincing for the customers of the chain stores. Therefore, use this kind of selling strategy is dangerous for maintaining the business.

强烈建议你每段开头写一句TS，这是E-Reader电子考官的要求，咱不光要给那帮老外看 还要给电脑先扫一遍来，就是看你的TS ,TT ， 而不是每一段重复它在文中说了什么什么，可以先说他这段犯了什么错，然后再说文中他是怎么说的，其实怎样怎样的， 这样别人一眼就能知道你这段是要批什么
其次你的用词还欠妥  可以增加用词的变换 以及句式的变换
最后就是关于specific的问题，可以再往具体里写 这个多看看范文研究下就可以办到啦

恩 总的来说你的思路还是很清晰  找错也准  论证还是很严密滴  加油