argument18 【Chasing For "6" Score】第一次作业

ljc-dreamUID: 2166457

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The following appeared in an editorial in a Prunty County newspaper.
'In an attempt to improve highway safety, Prunty County recently lowered its speed limit from 55 miles per hour to 45 on all major county roads. But the 55 mph limit should be restored, because this safety effort has failed. Most drivers are exceeding the new speed limit and the accident rate throughout Prunty County has decreased only slightly. If we want to improve the safety of our roads, we should instead undertake the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five years ago: increasing lane widths and resurfacing rough roads. Today, major Butler County roads still have a 55 mph speed limit, yet there were 25 percent fewer reported accidents in Butler County this past year than there were five years ago.'
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Before accepting the assertion for restoring the speed limit of 55 mile per hour and undertaking the same kind of road improvement project as Butler County completed five years ago, the evidnece presented by the author should be scrutinized from several perspectives, by doing which, I find the author has overlooked other alternatives influencing the road safety, as discussed below.

To begin with, the assumption that the speed limit of 45 mile per hour has failed because most drivers are exceeding the new speed limit and the accident rate throughout Prunty County has decreased only slightly. However, it is not well reasoned. The author fails to make a comparison with data of the prior average driving speed before lowing the speed limit, it is entirely possible that even under the speed limit of 55 mile per hour before, the drivers always drive at a high speed far beyond 55 mile per hour. Moreover, the fact that the accident rate has decreased slightly, though not evidently, has already show the efficiency of such adjustment of the speed limit to some extent.

Even if it is true that the speed limit of 45 miles per hour has contributed little to the road safety in Prunt County, the author could not come to an arugment for undertaking the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five yeas ago. First, the author hasn’t provided substantial evidence to support that 25 percent few reported accidents last year are due to the project of increasing lane widther and resurfacing rough roads five years ago. It is higly possible that other preventative measures taken last year have reduced the accidental rate of Butler County, or that the report of last year is itself unsbustantial. Again, the author fails to consider the difference of road condition, weather and backgrounds of drivers between the tow counties. It is possilbe the major roads in Prunt County have already been wide enough to ensure the smooth traffic, It is also possible that drivers in Prunt County are younger, who would like to risk a high speed due to their impetuous character, or that more drivers in Prunt County have to undertake the night driving. In addition, perhaps the weather condition in Prunt County are more terrible than that of Butler County, the drivers may often suffer from the thick fogs and heavy rains, which would bring considerate dangers to the drivers, while the drivers of Butler County are lucky to avoiding the threatening from bad wether.

In sum, the argument for restoring the speed limit of 55 miles a hour and improvemtn of the road by increasing lane wideth and resurfacing the rough roads is not sufficiently supported. Befor any final decision are made for the road safety, the arguer should take all-round consideration about all possible alternatives and caused for the accident rate .

springelfUID: 2458536

Before accepting the assertion for restoring the speed limit of 55 mile per hour and undertaking the same kind of road improvement project as Butler County completed five years ago, the evidnece（手误吧？evidnece--evidence） presented by the author should be scrutinized from several perspectives, by doing which, I find the author has overlooked other alternatives influencing the road safety, as discussed below.

To begin with, the assumption that the speed limit of 45 mile per hour has failed because most drivers are exceeding the new speed limit and the accident rate throughout Prunty County has decreased only slightly. However, it is not well reasoned. The author fails to make a comparison with data of the prior average driving speed before lowing the speed limit, it is entirely possible that even under the speed limit of 55 mile per hour before, the drivers always drive at a high speed far beyond 55 mile per hour.(And then?再加一句，而现在的速度确实比之前慢了，可能会更好) Moreover, the fact that the accident rate has decreased slightly, though not evidently, has already show the efficiency of such adjustment of the speed limit to some extent. (感觉这个结论有点像悖论，人家说事故率只有很少的降低，你说这种降低也说明了有效果。I think it cannot convince me.)

Even if it is true that the speed limit of 45 miles per hour has contributed little to the road safety in Prunt County, the author could not come to an argument for undertaking the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five yeas ago. First, the author hasn’t provided substantial evidence to support that 25 percent few reported accidents last year are due to the project of increasing lane widther(width) and resurfacing rough roads five years ago. It is higly(highly) possible that other preventative measures taken last year have reduced the accidental rate of Butler County, or that the report of last year is itself unsubstantial. Again, the author fails to consider the difference of road condition, weather and backgrounds of drivers between the tow counties. It is possible the major roads in Prunt County have already been wide enough to ensure the smooth traffic, It is also possible that drivers in Prunt County are younger, who would like to risk a high speed due to their impetuous character, or that more drivers in Prunt County have to undertake the night driving. In addition, perhaps the weather condition in Prunt County are more terrible than that of Butler County, the drivers may often suffer from the thick fogs and heavy rains, which would bring considerate dangers to the drivers, while the drivers of Butler County are lucky to avoiding the threatening from bad weather. (给个小结论会更好一点)

In sum, the argument for restoring the speed limit of 55 miles a hour and improvement of the road by increasing lane width and resurfacing the rough roads is not sufficiently supported. Before any final decision are made for the road safety, the arguer should take all-round consideration about all possible alternatives and caused for the accident rate .
(其实很不错，但我总觉得有点什么感觉，就是平衡性不够。第一段说的不充分，后一段又太长，感觉先是吃不够，后来又撑着了。我原来想能不能帮你把后面拆一下，又发现好像不好拆，你自己看呢？嗯，不错！比我的好！:loveliness: )

[ 本帖最后由 springelf 于 2008-3-4 01:02 编辑 ]

springelfUID: 2458536

555，又是一样的情况，那个V3耍我完呢！:funk:

ljc-dreamUID: 2166457

谢谢springelf的修改，很中肯，明天改了再给你看看
关于V3，我觉得很好用，你不妨看看这个帖子介绍的使用方法，https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... E%B8%C4%B9%A4%BE%DF

headmonkeyUID: 2457387

Before accepting the assertion for restoring the speed limit of 55 mile per hour and undertaking the same kind of road improvement project as Butler County completed five years ago, the evidenceevidence presented by the author should be scrutinized from several perspectives, by doing which, I find the author has overlooked other alternatives influencing the road safety, as discussed below.【开头很好..学习…】

To begin with, the assumption that the speed limit of 45 mile per hour has failed because most drivers are exceeding the new speed limit and the accident rate throughout Prunty County has decreased only slightly. However, it is not well reasoned. 【explained or not so reasonable】The author fails to make a comparison with data of the prior average driving speed before lowing the speed limit, it is entirely possible that even under the speed limit of 55 mile per hour before, the drivers always drive at a high speed far beyond 55 mile per hour. Moreover, the fact that the accident rate has decreased slightly, though not evidently, has already show the efficiency of such adjustment of the speed limit to some extent. 【ljc-dream这段的逻辑：根据大部分人超速和事故微量减少而得出限速失败这样是不合理的。1平均驾速本来就高，原本就很多人超速，所以现在继续超速不能说明限速失败？2，交通事故微量减少在一定程度上确实体现了decrease限速的有效性。  原谅我看了很久才想明白。就写下来了.】

Even if it is true that the speed limit of 45 miles per hour has contributed little to the road safety in Prunt County, the author could not come to an arugment for undertaking the same kind of road improvement project that Butler County completed five yeas ago. First, the author hasn’t provided substantial evidence to support that 25 percent few reported【 few reported 改成decline of 】 accidents【which have been reported】 last year are due to the project of increasing lane widther【widths这些错误ljc-dream可以先用word 自己先改正】 and resurfacing rough roads five years ago. It is higly possible that other preventative measures taken last year have reduced the accidental rate of Butler County, or that the report of last year is itself unsbustantial. Again,【这里可以另起一段指出即使以上假设都成立，作者对BC的论断都是对的，BC的并不一定适用于PC】 the author fails to consider the difference+s of road condition+s, weather and backgrounds of drivers between the tow counties. It is possilbe the major roads in Prunt County have already been wide enough to ensure the smooth traffic, It is also possible that drivers in Prunt County are younger, who would like to risk a high speed due to their impetuous character, or that more drivers in Prunt County have to undertake the night driving. In addition, perhaps the weather condition in Prunt County are more terrible【直接换成are worse than会不会好点】 than that of Butler County, the drivers may often suffer from the thick fogs and heavy rains, which would bring considerate dangers to the drivers, while the drivers of Butler County are lucky to avoiding【有危险才avoid，但是ljc这里 说的是BC没这样的天气的吧】 the threatening from bad wether. 【这段ljc质疑了作者关于BC成功的其他因素，然后又质疑了BC报道的数据是否准确。最后可以再踩一脚，加上without什么什么不能得出什么什么的话。】

In sum, the argument for restoring the speed limit of 55 miles a hour and improvemtn of the road by increasing lane wideth and resurfacing the rough roads is not sufficiently supported. Befor any final decision+s are made for the road safety, the arguer should take all-round consideration about all possible alternatives and caused for the accident rate



ljc可以参考下以下思路分析，来自17非牛人计划（咱们群共享里应该有，就是那个全部资料下载的压缩包1）里面argument里面的《全部argument题目分析》：

Prunty County， highway safety 论断：要想提高道路安全，就必需改善路况。因为另一个城市五年前这么做了，他们去年的事故记录比五年低了25%。而该市最近采取的限速措施并不成功，应该取销。因为大多数司机的速度都超过这个限制，事故发生率也只是降低了一点。 •

论断的前提是改善路况有必要，但论断中没有资料支持这一点。该市的路况是不是很糟，事故发生的主要原因是不是因为路况不好，这些论者都没有提供资料。如果说该市的路况好，事故发生的原因主要是因为超速，那么论断的前提显然就不成立。论断要求改善路况也就没有根据。 •论断引用的论据是另一个城市的经验，并说明他们取得了成功。但论者没有告诉我们该市五年前面临的情况，比如道路状况比如事故原因与我们是否相同，也没有告诉我们他们的事故发生率是多少。如果说该市五年前的发生率非常高，现在降低25%以后还是比我们高，那么他们的经验就不值得我们借鉴。 •论断认为我们限速的措施不成功，这一点很不公平。论断说现在大多数的司机速度都在新的限速之上，这说明不是限速的措施本身不成功，而是因为司机没有遵守新的措施而导致事故。为此合理的做法应该是加强监督，保证司机遵守新的限速。而措施是新近实施的，短时间里，又在很多人没遵守的前提下已经小量降低了事故发生率，这说明措施还是有效的。结论：改善路况当然是件好事，但这是不是问题的关键所在？论者要说服我们接受他的观点，他还应该进一步提供有关我们道路状况的资料，以及有多少事故发生原因是因为道路不好，而对于限速的措施则应该加强监督确保落实


因为偶也是第一次写，有很多地方如果说错请ljc谅解哦， 首先我觉得正文差不多弄个三段或四段讲错误吧，你中间那段可以分出来写的，就是说错误类比那段。