3.4 Argument170 [peresistence小组] 第九次作业~让砖块来得更猛烈些吧!

cicicamusUID: 2347182

170．Gulf Coast oysters from California, the northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters
1) 首先，作者没有提供关于杀菌过程的完整信息。杀菌的效果如何？是能把所有有害细菌都杀死？还是只能杀死大部分？The arguer fails to convince us that installing the process mentioned above will necessarily lead to increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters.杀菌的方式是什么？是常见的高温高压还是紫外线？这种方式会不会破坏牡蛎的口味和营养成分？The process may damage the taste of oysters, it may also kill some beneficial nutrition in oysters.
2) 其次，就算杀菌的效果很好，也不会破化口味或营养，但是却不能保证顾客会花和A牡蛎同样的价格来买G牡蛎。The arguer falsely assumes that people are willing to pay as much for Gulf Cost oysters as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters.人们选择牡蛎不光是考虑它的健康性，还有许多其它因素会影响顾客的选择。比如味道。也许A牡蛎的味道更鲜美，肉质更软。又或者A牡蛎的个头较大，吃起来比较过瘾。总之，人们不会因为G牡蛎中没有有害菌就会买。
3) 第三，能获得更大的利润也是值得怀疑的。首先我们并不知道安全性提高后的Ｇ牡蛎能不能提高销售量，因此不能确定收入是否能提高。其次，杀菌的成本没有提到。如果成本昂贵，那么利润就不会有很大的提高了，甚至还有可能亏本。The cost of the process may be very expensive, thus makes Gulf Coast oyster producers profitless.

Before hoping a greater benefit from the new Gulf oysters, the evidence given in this argument should be examined from some other angles. The arguer seems to have assumed that as long as the consumers become aware of the improved safety of Gulf oysters they will be willing to pay as much for these ones as for Atlantic oysters without examining many other alter nativities which may also affect the consumers’ choice.

To begin with, the arguer fails to provide complete information of the process for killing bacteria. What about the effect of this process? Will it kill all the harmful bacteria in the Gulf oysters or just kill some of them? What about the specific method? Is the normal way using high temperature and high pressure or the ultraviolet ray or some other methods? Can the method ensure to preserve the tasty and nutrition of the oysters? These problems are the key points which have a great influence of the consumers’ choice, yet do not be explained clearly enough in the argument.

Even if the effect of the process for killing bacteria in oysters is good and the taste and nutrition can be maintained, there is no evidence that people are willing to pay as much for Gulf Cost oysters as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. We all know that the safety of the oysters is not the only factor that the consumers consider, several other alternatives should be taken into account. For example, the taste of the oysters is very important. Maybe Atlantic oysters have a more distinct taste, texture than Gulf Coast oysters which have made them more popular in California. Or maybe the size of Atlantic oysters is much bigger than Gulf Cost oysters which the consumers are in favor of. Since the arguer is failed of ruling out and considering all these explanations for the willingness of consumers to buy Atlantic oysters rather than Gulf Coast oysters in the past five years, the argument’s claim is porous.

Thirdly, even if people will pay as much for Gulf Coast oysters, a greater profit as a result is open to doubt. Profit is the factor that is influenced by both revenue and costs. On the one hand, no enough information for us to conjecture that after killing the harmful bacteria in the Gulf Coast oysters, the sales volume of it will increase. As mentioned above, there is no guarantee that people will change their consuming habit just because of the improving safety of oysters. Therefore the revenue may not grow up. On the other hand, the arguer provides no information about the cost of the killing process. Perhaps this process is very expensive, thus will offset, if any, additional revenue, which makes Gulf Coast oyster producers profitless.

To sum up, the arguer fails to convince me that Gulf oysters will be as desirable as Atlantic oysters just because of the people’s awareness of bacteria-killing process. Many other alternative explanations should be considered and the arguer does not to do so.

503

graceliwjUID: 2443247

170．Gulf Coast oysters from California, the northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters
1) 首先，作者没有提供关于杀菌过程的完整信息。杀菌的效果如何？是能把所有有害细菌都杀死？还是只能杀死大部分？The arguer fails to convince us that installing the process mentioned above will necessarily lead to increased safety of Gulf Coast oysters.杀菌的方式是什么？是常见的高温高压还是紫外线？这种方式会不会破坏牡蛎的口味和营养成分？The process may damage the taste of oysters, it may also kill some beneficial nutrition in oysters.
2) 其次，就算杀菌的效果很好，也不会破化口味或营养，但是却不能保证顾客会花和A牡蛎同样的价格来买G牡蛎。The arguer falsely assumes that people are willing to pay as much for Gulf Cost oysters as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters.人们选择牡蛎不光是考虑它的健康性，还有许多其它因素会影响顾客的选择。比如味道。也许A牡蛎的味道更鲜美，肉质更软。又或者A牡蛎的个头较大，吃起来比较过瘾。总之，人们不会因为G牡蛎中没有有害菌就会买。
3) 第三，能获得更大的利润也是值得怀疑的。首先我们并不知道安全性提高后的Ｇ牡蛎能不能提高销售量，因此不能确定收入是否能提高。其次，杀菌的成本没有提到。如果成本昂贵，那么利润就不会有很大的提高了，甚至还有可能亏本。The cost of the process may be very expensive, thus makes Gulf Coast oyster producers profitless.

Before hoping a greater benefit from the new Gulf oysters, the evidence given in this argument should be examined from some other angles. [加一个递进关系词应该会更好]The arguer seems to have assumed that as long as the consumers become aware of the improved safety of Gulf oysters they will be willing to pay as much for these ones as for Atlantic oysters without examining many other alter nativities which may also affect the consumers’ choice.[首段开头不错，没有拘泥于一般的模板，内容方面也照应了全文！GOOD!]

To begin with, the arguer fails to provide complete information of the process for killing bacteria. What about the effect of this process? Will it kill all the harmful bacteria in the Gulf oysters or just kill some of them? What about the specific method? Is the normal way using high temperature and high pressure or the ultraviolet ray or some other methods? Can the method ensure to preserve the tasty and nutrition of the oysters? These problems are the key points which have a great influence of the consumers’ choice, yet do not be explained clearly enough in the argument.[这一段语句没有问题，但是我觉得攻击点不对。我们先来看一下原文啊！ This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters. But scientists have now devised a process for killing the bacteria. 很明显，后面的bacteria是指前面的harmful bacteria，这里杀毒是否完全应该没有问题的。那么这个前提成立的话，后面的杀毒方式也就不用考虑了。考虑杀毒是否会带来口味的变化和破坏营养成分，还是可以的]

[secondly]Even if the effect of the process for killing bacteria in oysters is good and the taste and nutrition can be maintained, there is no evidence that people are willing to pay as much for Gulf Cost oysters as for northeastern Atlantic Coast oysters. We all know that the safety of the oysters is not the only factor that the consumers consider, several other alternatives should be taken into account. For example, the taste of the oysters is very important[For the past five years, consumers in California have been willing to pay twice as much for oysters from the northeastern Atlantic Coast as for
Gulf Coast oysters. This trend began shortly after harmful bacteria were found in a few raw Gulf Coast oysters.这里再来看一下原文，第二种牡蛎降价的原因是从发现细菌之后，注意shortly哪个词。所以，他以前的口味应该还是不错的]. Maybe Atlantic oysters have a more distinct taste, texture than Gulf Coast oysters which have made them more popular in California. Or maybe the size of Atlantic oysters is much bigger than Gulf Cost oysters which the consumers are in favor of. Since the arguer is failed of ruling out [fails to rule out]and considering all these explanations for the willingness of consumers to buy Atlantic oysters rather than Gulf Coast oysters in the past five years, the argument’s claim is porous.[这里其实影响顾客是否会购买的一个很大的因素就是顾客的信任心里。一般来讲，由于该牡蛎曾经有细菌，尽管现在可以被杀除，但是对于顾客来讲，不可能一下子就重新恢复的该牡蛎的信任，这需要一段时间，作者应该吧这个原因考虑进去。另外，该牡蛎杀毒之后和前牡蛎的价格一样贵，顾客肯定先买前牡蛎，正所谓一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳，你曾经有毒，现在还和别人卖一样贵，谁来买啊？]

Thirdly, even if people will pay as much for Gulf Coast oysters, a greater profit as a result is open to doubt. Profit is the factor that [可以去掉]is influenced by both revenue and costs. On the one hand, no enough information for us to conjecture that after killing the harmful bacteria in the Gulf Coast oysters, the sales volume of it will increase[这里销量提高，还有一个重要因素需要考虑，即前一种牡蛎是否会通过降价来打压他，一般来讲，经过杀毒处理的牡蛎成本肯定高于他，因此，这样，该牡蛎的销量就更难保证了]. As mentioned above, there is no guarantee that people will change their consuming habit just because of the improving safety of oysters. Therefore the revenue may not grow up[长大？换一个]. On the other hand, the arguer provides no information about the cost of the killing process. Perhaps this process is very expensive, thus will offset, if any, additional revenue, which makes Gulf Coast oyster producers profitless.

To sum up, the arguer fails to convince me that Gulf oysters will be as desirable as Atlantic oysters just because of the people’s awareness of bacteria-killing process. Many other alternative explanations should be considered and the arguer does not to do so.

总结：先说这篇文章最大的问题，就是攻击点不对。这一点上面也提出我自己的一些观点，仅供参考。
另外说说语法，有一些语句是看着很别扭的，作者自己在好好检查一下，明显我都标出来了
加油吧！呵呵...:)

cicicamusUID: 2347182

多谢多谢!不过攻击点我们确实是各有看法呵呵