argument117 第九次 作业

jenniferganUID: 2443583

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 380          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-4-2 17:25:17

According to the memo, the author claims that their office-supply departments will get the most profitable component of their stores. He or she draw to the conclusion because a survey reported that 70 percent of the responders take more work home than before. Then the author analyze that the increased trend of  office-supply. In my point of view, the author does not consider several alternative conditions. A careful examination of the argument will reveal how grouondless the conclusion is. I will discuss them in turn.

To begin with, is the survey so accurate to believe it? I entirely doubt it. First, how many responders take part in the survey? If only 20 or 30 peosons, the result of course ridiculous. Such a few people cannot stand for the most people's condition. Perhaps only most of the responders was demanded to work home, but others who do not respond to the survey do need to work home. Second, the 70 percent of the responder did not mention about whether they will continue to require work home, maybe later they don't need to do so.

Even they are continued to be required to work home, the author fails to ensure whether they will need such office-supply. Perhaps what they need is just paper, pen, and computer, all these things can be taken from office. They maybe don't take the work home which need copy machines, paper shredders and fax machines. It is a common sense that people usually take some convinient work home. In this case, the sales of office-supply won't increase of course.

In addition, There is no evidence that the demand of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers will increase. What the workers do at home is what they need to do at office, the consumption of these office supplies have been count into the work office demand. As well as home office machines.

In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the author should do a more detailed survey about whether the work home trend will increase. And, the author should do some research on which kind of office-supply will be more easy to be saled. Finally, he or she should provide some data to prove his or her pointview.

usayaUID: 2374023

According to the memo, the author claims that theiroffice-supply departments will get the most profitable component oftheir stores. He or she draw to the conclusion because a surveyreported that 70 percent of the responders take more work home thanbefore. Then the author analyze that the increased trendof  office-supply. In my point of view, the author does not considerseveral alternative conditions. A careful examination of the argumentwill reveal how grouondless the conclusion is. I will discuss them inturn.

To begin with, is the survey so accurate to believe it?I entirely doubt it. First, how many responders take part in thesurvey? If only 20 or 30 peosons, the result of course (be?) ridiculous. Sucha few people cannot stand for the most people's condition. Perhaps onlymost of the responders was demanded to work home, but others who do notrespond to the survey do need to work home. Second, the 70 percent ofthe responder did not mention about whether they will continue torequire work home, maybe later they don't need to do so. (除了用词重复了些,这段论证的很好,赞)

Even they are continued to be required to work home, theauthor fails to ensure whether they will need such office-supply.Perhaps what they need is just paper, pen, and computer, all thesethings can be taken from office. They maybe don't take the work homewhich need copy machines, paper shredders and fax machines. It is acommon sense that people usually take some convinient work home. Inthis case, the sales of office-supply won't increase of course.

In addition, There is no evidence that the demand ofoffice supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers will increase. Whatthe workers do at home is what they need to do at office, theconsumption of these office supplies have been count into the workoffice demand. As well as home office machines. (单薄,完全可以把例子再拓展一下.)

In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument invalidand misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the author shoulddo a more detailed survey about whether the work home trend willincrease. And, the author should do some research on which kind ofoffice-supply will be more easy to be saled. Finally, he or she shouldprovide some data to prove his or her pointview.


感觉你越往后就越没东西写了,其实我认为第二三两个攻击点也可以作为一个递进关系.并成一段写,然后再找个攻击点,譬如文章没提供证据说VM产品在该地区垄断,人们不一定非要买VM的产品而选购其他牌子的产品,个人YY

小猪sisiUID: 2453484

前人说了点
我说点别的吧
1 字数太少，400 一下绝对不够
2 语言有点单薄，全是简单句
3 听听韦晓亮的作文视频吧 不错

qjytryUID: 2403670

你的东西写的跟我差不多  
什么时候AW啊？
我不同意楼上的看法
A的话350以上就可以了，能到400更好
你的句子太短的，要变的长点