issue48 [7\8\910] 第二次作业

thepopdjUID: 2517220

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

7.21  用时：100m   字数：533

The speaker alleges that the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals not by whom the most significant events and trends in history were made, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten. But every coin have two sides. Experts regard those famous figures as the significant symbol in the study of history, while some other persons consider that the study of history should pay more attention to groups of common people because the human history has been formed by contribution of all the individuals. It is hard to conclude that which viewpoint above is better than the other one; however, constructing a balance on the study of history is not only important but also necessary.

No one, even the famous, can change the history by himself in the evolution of human civilization, which needs the effort of a large number of common people who make the revolution possible for the elite few to achieve the significant change in the progress of human society. For example, most of revolutions which attempt to overthrow the old governments or the obsolescent institutions are made by a large number of common people who may have no definite inclination on crude behaviors, though modern people always remember the leaders of it. Therefore, the groups of people make the leaders fulfill the final goal.

Though the elite few only take a small numbers in the progress of history, they are the only people definitely understand the future position of the revolution while common people are confused, sequacious and helpless with that government. most of these elites few receive a good education and have a clear recognition of the entire situation, and most important, they are good at using the newspaper other kinds of ways of media to propagandize their views and arouse the common people's anger with the current dominators. In the history, under the reign of corrupt government common people always choose to bear those superincumbent crackdown, until the elite few bravely stand out and initiate a revolution to overthrow that government; then common follow the leaders without clear aim. Most of historians, only through some articles written by those elites few, can find the whole cause and effect about events. In addition, common people often take a profound impression on elite few whose character and story are recorded and best-known. Therefore, in the study of history, studying elite few is more well-founded and explains history events better.

The overemphasizing of the few elites also may have adverse effect on the study of the history. It is impossible for the famous figures that can presents the situation of contemporary community or group of people to shows every aspects of the society. Most of history events are caused by the problems which intensively hamper the interest of the common people. As a result of this, in order to make history clear, historians should pay attention not only to elite few but also to common people.

In sum, both the common people and famous figures are very important in the study of history and only through the research work base on these two groups can historians to get the complete information of the history.

[ 本帖最后由 thepopdj 于 2008-7-22 22:05 编辑 ]

yourrubyUID: 2504008

The speaker alleges that the study ofhistory places too much emphasis on individuals not by whom the mostsignificant events and trends in history were made, but by groups of peoplewhose identities have long been forgotten. But every coin havehas two sides. Experts regard those famousfigures as the significant symbol in the study of history, while some otherpersons consider that the study of history should pay more attention to groupsof common people because the human history has been formed by contribution of from all the individuals.It is hard to conclude that which viewpoint above is better than the other one;however, constructing a balance on the study of history is not only importantbut also necessary. (第一段感觉有点长,是不是可以考虑精简一下, 红色部分我觉得可以不要吧)

No one, even the famous, can change the history by himself in the evolution ofhuman civilization, which(感觉这个which指代不清) needs the effort of a large number of common people who make therevolution possible for the elite few to achieve the significant change in theprogress of human society. (我觉得主题句很重要,建议你强化一下主题句, 太长会让人不容易完全领悟要点)For example, most ofrevolutions which attempt to overthrow the old governments or the obsolescentinstitutions are made by a large number of common people who may have nodefinite inclination on crude behaviors, though modern people always rememberthe leaders of it. Therefore,(这个词感觉用的不好) the groups of peoplemake the leaders fulfill the final goal. (建议最末一句改为: It is the groups of people who help the leaderfulfill the final goal. )

Though the elite few only take a small numbers in the progress of history, theyare the only people definitely understand the future position of the revolutionwhile common people are confused, sequoias and helpless with that government. (这一段的段首句也有同样的问题) most of these elites fewreceive a good education and have a clear recognition of the entire situation,and most important, they are good at usingthe newspaper other (all) kinds of ways ofmedia to propagandize their views and arouse the common people's anger with thecurrent dominators. In the history, under the reign of corrupt governmentcommon people always choose to bear those superincumbent crackdown, until theelite few bravely stand out and initiate a revolution to overthrow thatgovernment; then common follow the leaders without clear aim. Most ofhistorians, only through some articles written by those elites few, can findthe whole cause and effect about events. In addition, common people often takea profound impression on elite few whose character and story are recorded andbest-known. Therefore, in the study of history, studying elite few is morewell-founded and explains history events better.(最后一句点的挺好,开头要是也这样就好了啊)

The overemphasizing of the few elites also may have adverse effect on the studyof the history.(这个主题句好) It is impossible for the famousfigures that can presents the situation of contemporary community or group ofpeople to shows every aspects of the society. Most of history events are causedby the problems which intensively hamper the interest of the common people. Asa result of this, in order to make history clear, historians should payattention not only to elite few but also to common people.

In sum, both the common people and famous figures are very important in thestudy of history and only through the research work base on these two groupscan historians to get the complete information of the history.


整篇文章采用平衡观点, 进行论述. 感觉有点多吧.
说说我的感觉, 可能是个人写作习惯的问题吧, 我比较倾向于用简洁的话表达意思~我觉得老美会比较注重主题句的, 建议弄得醒目一些~
第三段,你一直在说leader怎么样, the commen people怎么样, 好像并不扣题----历史研究更注重哪一个, 不过最后结尾句清晰明了, 总算扣上了~
第四段,感觉你在自己纠缠. 翻来覆去总说那么几个事...我认为不太恰当, 其实第一段也有这个问题,红色部分我觉得可以不要~ 另外. 多举点实际例子是不是更好一点呢?
别的就没有了~你比较能写啊...佩服佩服~
大部分意见都是我的写作习惯而致, 你可以自己斟酌着采纳~~

DemiquaverUID: 203651

也谈一些个人的拙见：

从首段来看文章是平衡观点，但从论述上很篇幅上看，好像更倾向于支持个人在历史中的作用，特别是第三段的总结语。

整片文章的结构有些问题，二、四两段是论述集体在历史事件中的作用，第三段是论述个人的，建议调换顺序。

和yourruby有同样的感觉，既然文章是平衡观点，就应该分别论述集体和个人在历史事件中为什么重要，而文章论述大多集中于他们有什么作用。换句话说，大多都是论述，少分析。但是你挺能写的，能写出那么多字来也不容易。

还有一个感觉，表达不准确，有些话的意思我反复看了两三遍再靠揣测才明白的，当然可能是我自己水平的问题。不过有些地方chienglish的迹象还是蛮明显的。我也是同样的问题。想表达的内容在脑子里用中文已经想好了，但是很难翻成英文，只能用很局限的词汇和语句表达出来，写出来的已经和原来的意思相差很多了。我想，解决这个问题只能多看范文了吧。加上背～～

The speaker alleges that the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals not by whom the most significant events and trends in history were made, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten. （这句话很长，是有点乱，定语从句的先行词是哪个，很模糊）But every coin have two sides. Experts regard those famous figures as the significant symbol in the study of history, while some other persons consider that the study of history should pay more attention to groups of common people because the human history has been formed by contribution of all the individuals. It is hard to conclude that which viewpoint above is better than the other one（可省略）; however, constructing a balance（什么balance？概念模糊） on the study of history is not only important but also necessary.

No one, even the famous, can change the history by himself in the evolution of human civilization, which needs the effort of a large number of common people who make the revolution possible for the elite few（表达不清晰）to achieve the significant change（achieve change?好像不妥吧）in the progress of human society. For example, most of revolutions which attempt to overthrow the old governments or the obsolescent institutions are made by a large number of common people who may have no definite inclination on crude behaviors, though modern people always remember the leaders of it. Therefore, the groups of people make the leaders fulfill the final goal.

（最好有个转承词）Though the elite few only take a small numbers（？？？）in the progress of history, they are the only people definitely understand the future position of the revolution（表达有点模糊） while common people are confused, sequacious and helpless with that government. most of these elites few receive a good education（这个绝对了吧，我怎么觉得中国历史上好多头领文化都不咋样） and have a clear recognition of the entire situation, and most important, they are good at using the newspaper （or？）other kinds of ways of media to propagandize their views and arouse the common people's anger（激起民愤？有点chienglish了吧，直接用一个表示激怒的实义动词可能好些） with the current dominators. In the history, under the reign of corrupt government common people always choose to bear those superincumbent crackdown, until the elite few bravely stand out and initiate a revolution to overthrow that government; then common follow the leaders without clear aim. Most of historians, only through some articles written by those elites few（不明白想表达什么？很多历史是由第三人书写的吧）, can find the whole cause and effect about events. In addition, common people often take a profound impression on elite few whose character and story are recorded and best-known. Therefore, in the study of history, studying elite few is more well-founded and explains history events better.（这句话是有倾向性的观点，和开头矛盾了）

The overemphasizing of the few elites also may have adverse effect on the study of the history. It is impossible for the famous figures that can（or cannot？好像和要表的意思相反啊） presents（represent?） the situation of contemporary community or group of people to shows every aspects of the society. Most of history events are caused by the problems which intensively hamper the interest of the common people. As a result of this（can be omitted）, in order to make history clear, historians should pay attention not only to elite few but also to common people.

In sum, both the common people and famous figures are very important in the study of history and only through the research work base on these two groups can historians to get the complete information of the history.