argument137 [冲刺 小组] 第一次作业

MryanUID: 2281579

憋了1个小时，憋出这么一篇惨不忍睹的东西，见笑了，我语法特菜，希望在该我的逻辑的同时，多多注意改下我的语法，谢谢了！

The author of Mason City newspaper excerpt concludes that government increase its budget for improvements to the public owned lands along the Mason River in order to increase the recreational use of the river. To justify this conclusion the author points out that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, but they like enjoy themselves on the river before; the author also points out that some residents says that the water is not clean and this is the reason that people did not do water sports in the river. I find this argument specious on several grounds.

At the very beginning, the author fails to give the reasons why the residents does not use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, however, there may be many other likelihood that make people reduce their time in the river. May be it is winter now, and it is so cold that people enjoy staying home rather than exercise in the river, or may be their is a new gymnasium nearby so people choose to enjoy themselves there.

In the second place, even though it is because of the pollution, and government pay a lot of money into the project of clear up the river, after a few moths or years, the river is clean enough for fun, I do not know if people still like these exercise such as swimming, fishing, and boating in the river, maybe they have cultivate other interest and do not like these.

In the third place, there are still some problems about the survey the author gives. He says that the people under the investigate claim that the water exercise is a favorite form of creation, however, he did not prove the people he asked is the majority of the residents instead of a small group.

In conclusion, the author's argument is unpersuasive. To strengthen it the author must provide more convincing evidence that survey is represent most of the residents near the river and they are all like the  water sports, and because of the pollution, they reduce their time in the water.

提纲：
1 这篇新闻有问题
2 没有给出具体的证据证明大家不去玩了的原因是因为污染，可能是因为近期是冬天太冷，也可能是因为附近开了体育馆，大家都去那里了
3 即便是污染， 然后污染治理好了，可能在这期间大家又养成其他的爱好的，可能光顾河流的人也不多
4 本身调查就有问题，他可能调查的就是那些喜欢水上运动的人，所以他们的回答没有说服力
5 总结

[ 本帖最后由 Mryan 于 2008-8-2 20:00 编辑 ]

MUMU520UID: 2502696

The author of Mason City newspaper excerpt 拼写错误？可删去concludes 意思为推断 建议改为recommends that government increase its budget for improvements to the public owned lands along the Mason River in order to increase the recreational use of the river. To justify this conclusion the author points out that the residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, but they like enjoy themselves on the river before; the author also points out that some residents says that the water is not clean and this is the reason that (why)people did(do)not do water sports in the river. I find this argument specious on several grounds.(可以再多点转折 写得复杂点）

At the very beginning, the author fails to give the reasons why the residents does not use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, however, there may be many other likelihood 语言可以改进that make people reduce their time in the river. May be 笔误it is winter now, and it is so cold that people enjoy staying home rather than exercise in the river, or may be their（there) is a new gymnasium nearby so people choose to enjoy themselves there.

In the second place, even though it is because of the pollution, and government pay a lot of money into the project of clear up the river, after a few moths or years, the river is clean enough for fun, I do not know if people still like these exercise such as swimming, fishing, and boating in the river, maybe they have cultivate other interest and do not like these.

In the third place, there are still some problems about the survey the author gives. He says that the people under the investigate claim that the water exercise is a favorite form of creation, however, he did not prove the people he asked is the majority of the residents instead of a small group.(我觉得这是个小错，结尾最后一个建议犯了转移话题的错误，应该指出）

In conclusion, the author's argument is unpersuasive. To strengthen it the author must provide more convincing evidence that survey is represent most of the residents near the river and they are all like the  water sports, and because of the pollution, they reduce their time in the water.


提纲：
1 这篇新闻有问题
2 没有给出具体的证据证明大家不去玩了的原因是因为污染，可能是因为近期是冬天太冷，也可能是因为附近开了体育馆，大家都去那里了
3 即便是污染， 然后污染治理好了，可能在这期间大家又养成其他的爱好的，可能光顾河流的人也不多
4 本身调查就有问题，他可能调查的就是那些喜欢水上运动的人，所以他们的回答没有说服力
5 总结

提纲方面还是很有自己的想法的，语言方面可以多看看范文，定好框架，文章很快就能提高

[ 本帖最后由 MUMU520 于 2008-8-1 22:18 编辑 ]

MryanUID: 2281579

多谢！