issue136【today is the day小组】第三次作业 by ooowr1

ooowr1UID: 2455118

TOPIC: ISSUE136 - "The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare."

  Nowadays, people always complain that their circumstance and surrounding events provide them few choices that render them hard to survive. However, in my point of views, I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that the absence of choice is very rare.
  Firstly, in our daily life, we always need to make choices or decisions. The only different of those are important or immaterial to us. For example, when we walk into the supermarket, we are faced with hundreds of commodities in one class, such as beverage or chocolate, and we need to choose some which we like or need. We can agilely make the choices on such trivial things. The other types of selections are those which play an extremely essential role to our life such as choosing jobs, university, and wife or husband. When it comes to those choices, people should be cautious with insight, and people may hesitate for a long time in generally. So, to this situation, someone may argue that he or she has no choice that he or she must take such monotonous job. Consider, indeed, it is an unfired explanation. Why this phenomenon will present, which people have so many choices to choose and they can rapidly make the decisions when they meet the immaterial things but people who are indicative will excuse that they have no choice when they have to make decisions on momentous events. As I see it, it involves the essence of people's choice, as discussed below.
  In my opinion, the nature of choice is that people will select the best and the suitable choice while eliminating some negative and difficult ones. As an old saying goes: all roads lead to Rome. Choice means if people's condition allow as such, people will choose their way none but the best to get the destination. Although people have free wills which are different from person to person and diverse wills will lead diverse choices, when people's choices are similar to others, competing is appearing. Thus, some will be eliminated by others with capability and will have to make other little rather bad choices; this appearance manifests itself in people's common complaining with the absence of choice. That is the phenomenon of natural selection, not absence of choice, Darwin would no doubt assert.
  Even so, some may also argue that the criminals have no choice but to be put into the prison. However, as I see it, this type of things is still not belongs to absence of choice. Because of that the criminals absolutely know the aftermath before they commit crimes. As long as those voluntarily make the decisions without others' compel, he or she should bear legal liability. To have free will is the right of everyone, and people have responsible for their choices
  In sum, when it comes to ordinary people, the absence of choice is only applied to war, family background, and hereditary disease. Aside from these provisos, I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very rare.

kangaroo323UID: 2448233

Nowadays, people alwayscomplain that their circumstance and surrounding(感觉有些重复) events provide them fewchoices that render themhard to survive. However, in my point of views,I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion that the absence of choice isvery rare.

Firstly, in our dailylife, we always need to make choices or decisions. The only different（这是个形容词，应换成名词） of those（those指代的是？choices？是想说“这些选择之间唯一的区别是……”对吗？如果是这样，那建议换一个说法例如the difference between/among） are（is） important or immaterial to us(这句话的意思有点摸不清).For example, when we walk into the supermarket, we are faced with hundreds ofcommodities in one class, such as beverage or chocolate, and we need to choosesome which we like or need. We can agilely make thechoices on such trivial things. The other types of selections are those whichplay an extremely essential role to our life such as choosingjobs, university, and wife or husband. When it comes to those choices, peopleshould be cautious with insight, and people may hesitate for a long time ingenerally. So, to this situation, someone may argue that he or she has nochoice （加个and） that he or she must take suchmonotonous job. Consider, indeed, it is an unfired explanation. Why thisphenomenon will present（“为什么会出现这种情况呢？”是想表达这个意思吧，如果是这样，我觉得你用的这个时态有问题，另外用exist代替present会不会好一些？）, which people have so manychoices to choose and they can rapidly make the decisionswhen they meet the immaterial things but people who are indicative will excusethat they have no choice when they have to make decisions on momentous events.As I see it, it involves the essence of people's choice, as discussed below.

In my opinion, thenature of choice is that people will select the best and the suitable choicewhile eliminating some negative and difficult ones. As an old saying goes: allroads lead to Rome.（建议引用完谚语之后，加一句which is to say……把这个谚语和你的本段的论点结合起来，不然觉得挺突兀的，上下文的衔接不是很自然） Choice means if people'scondition allow as such, people will choose their way none（我不太理解这个none在这里的用法和含义） butthe best to get the destination. Although people have free wills which aredifferent from person to person and diverse wills will lead （加to） diverse choices, whenpeople's choices are similar to others, competing is appearing. Thus, some willbe eliminated by others with capability and will have to make other littlerather bad choices; this appearance manifests itself in people's common complainingwith the absence of choice. That is the phenomenon of natural selection, notabsence of choice, Darwin would no doubt assert.

Even so, some may alsoargue that the criminals have no choice but to be put into the prison. However,as I see it, this type of things is still not belongs to absence of choice. Because of （because of 后一般接名词代词或短语，而不是从句）that the criminals absolutely know the aftermath before they commitcrimes. As long as those voluntarily make the decisions without others' compel,he or she should bear legal liability. To have free will is the right ofeveryone, and people have responsible for their choices

In sum, when it comes to ordinary people, the absence of choice isonly applied to war, family background, and hereditary disease.(这句话应该不属于文章的总结吧，所以最好不要放在最后一段，可以提到前面几段去，文章的结尾段一般都是拿来重申自己的观点。) Aside from these provisos, Istrongly agree with the speaker's assertion that the absence of choice is acircumstance that is very rare.

1小错误比较多，要想拿到高分，小错误不应该超过10个，写的时候稍微注意一下，应该都是可以避免的。
2每段开头都有清晰的topicsentence很好，但TS之后，一定要清楚的解释你的例子是怎样阐明了你的观点。注意例子和观点之间的支撑关系一定要紧密。（这也是我的大难题）
3尾段不应该出现的内容坚决不能出现，但是如果删掉了你这篇文章尾段里的第一句话，尾端内容一下子就不充实了。所以，尾段也要下点功夫。


我自己的问题也一大堆，所以给你改的肯定没有你想得理想啦~
希望能对你的AW有那么一点点帮助吧。

[ 本帖最后由 kangaroo323 于 2008-8-5 21:42 编辑 ]