argument209 [7\8\910] 第十七次作业

thepopdjUID: 2517220

209The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."

字数：444    时间：50m

In this argument, the author suggests that in order to increase profits considerably the company should resign its president Pat and employ Rosa, a president of Starlight Jewelry (SJ). To support this suggestion, the author chits a fact that in SJ company Rosa makes the profits increase dramatically over the past several years. I find this argument depend on several unsubstantiated grounds.

First of all, I cannot be convinced that the profit of SJ increases because of the leadership of Rosa, because the author provides no evidence to support it. On the one hand, it is entirely possible that the staffs of SJ are so diligent that its profits could increase dramatically. On the other hand, perhaps in the past several years, the production of SJ was needed largely by the society; as a result of it, profit is necessarily increasing. On balance, without ruling out these conditions, this suggestion should also be dubious.

In the second place, even if the ascent of profits in SJ ascribes the leadership of Rosa, the assumption that she would bring profits to the author's company, because the author provides no evidence to indicate that there is relationship between his company and SJ. There is a possibility that Rosa is adept in the item which SJ deals in, but management of the author's company is entirely different from that of SJ. So Rosa cannot bring profits to the author's company because of lacking knowledge on management of that company. Therefore, until the author provides more evidence to prove his company would increase profit by leadership of Rosa, I cannot be persuaded well.

Finally, admittedly Rosa would bring profits to the author's company, but the expense that they should return their actual president Pat for a generous severance package and pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving would be well worthy. Obviously, this expense is so large that no one can forecast whether Rosa would bring more profits. Furthermore, the author ignores that there are other plans to help the author's company increase profits. Firstly, this company can absorb extraneous technology and improve the efficiency of production to abridge cost, then the profits would increase. Next it can advertise more than before to attract much attention on its production.

To sum up, the author fails to suggest that his company should spend more money in employing Rosa to increase profits. To make this suggestion strong, the author should provide more evidence that the leadership of Rosa cause increasing profit in SJ, and it would works well in the author's company. And he should also show that this expense would bring profits to the author's company considerably.

zhuzhuorUID: 2452739

In this argument, the author suggests that in order to increase profits considerably the company should resign its president Pat and employ Rosa, a president of Starlight Jewelry (SJ). To support this suggestion, the author chits(cites囧, 第一眼以为是sh.t) a fact that in SJ company Rosa makes the profits increase dramatically over the past several years. I find this argument depend on several unsubstantiated grounds.

First of all, I cannot be convinced that(不知道这样表述对不...不过个人觉得换成主动句语感好些) the profit of SJ increases because of the leadership of Rosa, because(两个because重复了, 换since?) the author provides no evidence to support it. On the one hand, it is entirely possible that the staffs of SJ are so diligent that its profits could increase dramatically. On the other hand, perhaps in the past several years, the production of SJ was needed largely by the society; as a result of it, profit is necessarily increasing. On balance, without ruling out these conditions, this suggestion should also be dubious.

In the second place, even if the ascent of profits in SJ ascribes the leadership of Rosa, the assumption that she would bring profits to the author's company, because the author provides no evidence to indicate that there is relationship between his company and SJ. There is a possibility that Rosa is adept in the item which SJ deals in, but management of the author's company is entirely different from that of SJ. So Rosa cannot bring profits to the author's company because of lacking knowledge on management of that company. Therefore, until the author provides more evidence to prove his company would increase profit by leadership of Rosa, I cannot be persuaded well.

Finally, admittedly Rosa would bring profits to the author's company, but the expense that they should return their actual president Pat for a generous severance package and pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving would be well worthy(这个topic sentence只陈述了题设的内容). Obviously, this expense is so large that(题设也没说有多large, 你这里可以说成too large) no one can forecast whether Rosa would bring more profits. Furthermore(后面的这个分论点跟段落中心貌似有点不同, 可以单独分出来一段说一说, 详细展开的话还能增加字数. however个人觉得这个分论点不适合在这个题目中用, 因为题设想讨论的是雇来新的主席会不会增加利润, 而这个分论点说其他的途径也可以增加利润有些跑题, 个人意见欢迎讨论), the author ignores that there are other plans to help the author's company increase profits. Firstly, this company can absorb extraneous technology and improve the efficiency of production to abridge cost, then the profits would increase. Next it can advertise more than before to attract much attention on its production.

To sum up, the author fails to suggest that his company should spend more money in employing Rosa to increase profits. To make this suggestion strong, the author should provide more evidence that the leadership of Rosa cause(causes) increasing profit in SJ, and it would works(work) well in the author's company. And he should also show that this expense would bring profits to the author's company considerably.