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[活动] COMEON作文小组------macross 9月1日作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2008-9-2 12:57:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
WORDS: 311+59refine          TIME: 00:25:00+17refine          DATE: 2008-9-2 9:55:25

When it comes to whether cooperation has become more important today, the discussion of this issue among individuals and in society as a whole has come into vogue during the last decade. In my point of view, cooperation is now more important than it was in the past and there are several reasons and instances as fallows supporting my view.

The main reason for my assertion is that we can learn from others during cooperation. Everyone would agree that knowledge is the key to success. Naturally, learning from others plays a significant role in obtaining knowledge. Fortunately, cooperation brings us such opportunity. Let me illustrate this point in a concrete example, when you join in a company, the first thing you can do is to help others when they work. In this period of cooperating with the experienced persons, you can improve your ability in handling the work. After you've gained enough knowledge and experience, it is your time to handle the work and eventually get the achievement.

Another essential reason is that cooperation saves working time and improves efficiency. With the fast development of today's society, people's life is like riding on a rocket, everything has to be done as soon as possible, especially during office time. Meanwhile, cooperation shows us a way to deal with things with several other people. A work that needs 10 hours for one person could be done in at most 2 hours by 5 men. Thus, cooperation allows us to catch up with the society's fast pace and offers us an efficient method which leads to success.

In addition, in my perspective, cooperation also gives us opportunity to make friends, which is also very important in determining our future success. As known to us, the relationship in such a modern society is very important for the reason that the more persons you know, the more opportunities you may have, and the more help you could gain when you are in trouble.

To sum up, it goes without saying that cooperation is now more and more significant than it was in the past, not only because it brings us opportunity to learn from others and make more friends, but also because it is an efficient way to work.
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发表于 2008-9-2 13:28:19 |只看该作者
整体的感觉,你的作文词汇变化少,很平淡,举例也少,而且我觉得你过于受到模板的影响,很地方句式的堆积让人觉得繁琐。其实这些问题也是我现在面对的,我正在收集一些常用的big word和精辟的例子,希望可以有一些帮助。另外,刚开始练习的时候,可以对照模板写写,这样有利于熟悉IBT写作思路,但最终还是要扔掉模板,用最简练和紧凑的语言来表达主题。这很难,不过一起加油吧!

When it comes to whether cooperation has become more important today, the discussion of this issue among individuals and in society as a whole has come into vogue during the last decade. In my point of view, cooperation is now more important than it was in the past and there are several reasons and instances as fallows supporting my view.(第一段感觉有些累赘,猜想是模板的原因,建议更加简洁和灵活)

The main reason for my assertion is that we can learn from others during cooperation. Everyone would agree that knowledge is the key to success. Naturally, learning from others plays a significant role in obtaining knowledge. Fortunately, cooperation brings us such opportunity. Let me illustrate this point in a concrete example, when you join in a company, the first thing you can do is to help others when they work.(这句话感觉有些不对,help应该是能手帮助新手吧。建议可以用assist之类的词) In this period of cooperating with the experienced persons, you can improve your ability in handling the work. After you've gained enough knowledge and experience, it is your time to handle(和上文有重复之嫌,建议丰富词汇,比如用deal with之类)the work and eventually get the achievement.

Another essential reason is that cooperation saves working time and improves efficiency. With the fast development of today's society, people's life is like riding on a rocket, everything has to be done as soon as possible, especially during office time. Meanwhile, cooperation shows us a way to deal with things with several other people. A work that needs 10 hours for one person could be done in at most 2 hours by 5 men. Thus, cooperation allows us to catch up with the society's fast pace and offers us an efficient method which leads to success.

In addition, in my perspective, cooperation also gives us opportunity to make friends, which is also very important in determining our future success. As known to us, the relationship in such a modern society is very important for the reason that the more persons you know the more opportunities you may have, and the more help you could gain when you are in trouble.

To sum up, it goes without saying that cooperation is now more and more significant than it was in the past, not only because it brings us opportunity to learn from others and make more friends, but also because it is an efficient way to work.

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发表于 2008-9-2 13:44:16 |只看该作者

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RE: COMEON作文小组------macross 9月1日作业 [修改]

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