COMEON作文小组------lijing1550 9月11日作业

lijing1550UID: 2528011

Getting advice from the older friends is more valuable than getting advice from friends at your age
According to a recent statistic on the internet the number of people who consider that getting advice from the older is more valuable than getting advice from friends at their age occupies 75%, 15% increasing than last year. It follows that those people pay more attention to experience, for the reason that older people would give them much more effective advices and help them save a more remarkable of time. Some people insist on choosing people at their own age for help, because they claim that the world today is much more different form yesterday, how can they utilize the old solution on problems they encounter today? From my point of perspective, I agree the former.

First of all, I consider that getting advices from older friends means save much time. The instance is not rare, it is one of many examples my friend jack has encountered. Last month, jack was asked to do a marketing research among people who was 45 years old or even older. Because jack was a fresh man and did not know much about marketing research, he asked his colleague marry who is older than him for help. According Marry’s own experience Jack did a good job in 2 weeks, 1 week easier than others who just did the job by themselves without any good advices.

Next, the obvious benefit they can gain from older people is how to do things effectively. For instance, on learning, getting advices from teacher they can learn more or do a larger number of exercises in the limiting time. During working, getting advices form older people they may meet  less problems and perform perfectly. In our everyday life, getting advices from older people they can live more convenience.

Last but not the least, getting advice from older friend they can easily grasp opportunities. As I was a graduate from college, finding a good job is the most significant thing which I concerned about. Before a job interview, both my classmates believe that beautiful appearance was the most important thing on the contrary, Mike one of my friend who is 15 years older than me asked me to pay more attention to the details. During the interview, all of others concentrated on showing themselves and did not pay attention to the waste paper in front of door, because Mike’s advice, I picked it up, just because this action I was hired.

From what we have discussed above we can quickly draw a conclusion that getting advice from older friend is more valuable than getting advice from friend at our age.

yuanhu124UID: 2444317

楼主要是能够更加注意一些细节，你的作文应该可以得到高分。
另外，想问一下楼主，这么长的作文花了多少时间？

According to a recent statistic on the internet the number of people who consider that getting advice from the older is more valuable than getting advice from friends at their age occupies 75%, 15% increasing than last year. It follows that those people pay more attention to experience, for the reason that older people would give them much more effective advices and help them save a more remarkable of time. Some people insist on choosing people at their own age for help, because they claim that the world today is much more different form yesterday, how can they utilize the old solution on problems they encounter today? From my point of perspective, I agree the former.（这个开篇是我至今看到最长的J，句式倒是很流畅，但是我不知道这么长的开篇是否是ETS喜欢的。提出来与楼主商榷！）

First of all, I consider that getting advices from older friends means save much time. The instance is not rare, it is one of many examples my friend jack（Jack） has encountered. Last month, jack was asked to do a marketing research among people who was 45 years old or even older. Because jack was a fresh man（fresh man指的是大学新生，要说工作中的新手，最好用green hand） and did not know much about marketing research, he asked his colleague marry (Marry)who is older than him for help. According Marry’s own experience Jack did a good job in 2 weeks, 1 week easier than others who just did the job by themselves without any good advices.


Next, the obvious benefit they（最好用we） can gain from older people is how to do things effectively. For instance, on learning, getting advices from teacher they can learn more or do a larger number of exercises in the limiting time. During working, getting advices form older people they may meet less（fewer） problems and perform perfectly. In our everyday life, getting advices from older people they can live more convenience.

Last but not the least, getting advice from older friend they（we） can easily grasp opportunities. As I was a graduate from college, finding a good job is the most significant thing which I concerned about. Before a job interview, both my classmates believe that beautiful appearance was the most important thing （这里缺少句号）on the contrary, Mike one of my friend who is 15 years older than me asked me to pay more attention to the details. During the interview, all of others concentrated on showing themselves and did not pay attention to the waste paper in front of door, because Mike’s advice, I picked it up, just because this action I was hired.（这句子太长了，而且之间并没有连续的逻辑，建议拆分成几个句子）

From what we have discussed above（这里也应该有一个逗号）we can quickly draw a conclusion that getting advice from older friend is more valuable than getting advice from friend at our age.

lijing1550UID: 2528011

开篇的问题是想用背景法+对方观点+我方观点+原因，所以长了一点~在想有没有更好的模板，谢谢了

kturyUID: 2274868

谢谢批改 晚些我来改

According to a recent statistic on the internet, the number of people who consider that getting advice from the older is more valuable than getting advice from friends at their age occupies 75%, 15% increasing than last year. It follows that those people pay more attention to experience, for the reason that older people would give them much more effective advices and help them save a more remarkable of time. Some people insist on choosing people at their own age for help, because they claim that the world today is much more different form yesterday, how can they utilize the old solution on problems they encounter today? From my point of perspective, I agree the former.

^8Fi%_
First of all, I consider that getting advices from older friends means save much time. The instance is not rare[与后面的的one of many重复], it is one of many examples my friend jack has encountered. Last month, jack was asked to do a marketing research among people who was 45 years old or even older. Because jack was a fresh man and did not know much about marketing research, he asked his colleague marry who is older than him for help. According Marry’s own experience Jack did a good job in 2 weeks, 1 week easier than others who just did the job by themselves without any good advices.[举过例子以后再分析分析 要么显得没有充分展开]

MT$y#R
Next, the obvious benefit they can gain from older people is how to do things effectively. For instance, on learning, getting advices from teacher they can learn more or do a larger number of exercises in the limiting time. During working, getting advices form older people they may meet  less problems and perform perfectly. In our everyday life, getting advices from older people they can live more convenience.[题目是older friends  说老人，老师是不是有些离题呢？ ]

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Last but not the least, getting advice from older friend they can easily grasp opportunities. As I was a graduate from college, finding a good job is the most significant thing which I concerned about. Before a job interview, both my classmates believe that beautiful appearance was the most important thing, on the contrary, Mike one of my friend who is 15 years older than me asked me to pay more attention to the details. During the interview, all of others concentrated on showing themselves and did not pay attention to the waste paper in front of door, because Mike’s advice, I picked it up, just because this action I was hired.[这段不错] bbs.gter.net(w
~1]k8ta1r

From what we have discussed above we can quickly draw a conclusion that getting advice from older friend is more valuable than getting advice from friend at our age.[建议把首段画横线的部分拿到下面来 然后再得出结论]

文章整体性好， 文笔不错！学习了
Agree or disagree: Getting advice from the older friends is more valuable than getting advice from friends at your age. (2007.8.11)
题目中说哪个更有价值，是不是也要说说从同龄朋友建议中得到好处 然后比较一下 再得结论呢？？

希望楼主回答一下上面的问题。加油 共同进步-ktury


[ 本帖最后由 ktury 于 2008-9-11 22:29 编辑 ]