12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】12.07号作业

xiaojing1115UID: 2578357

People who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy    （07.11.03）
When it refers to the statement that people who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy, the discussion of it among individuals and in society as a whole has come into vogue during the last decade. It is commonly accepted that people who have enough money can do none work and have happy life, others, however, take the negative attitude that people who do not work are rarely happy. In my view, I prefer the latter rather than the former as my inclination.
The first reason for my propensity is that people who do not have work have little friends cooperating in same task and goal. Fewer friends lead to less communication. Hardly can we live without communication. Everyone needs friends having same interest and philosophy to share the happiness and sorrows. When they don’t work, despite they have enough money, they miss the friends who like to share their happiness and help them when they are in trouble. Money can not buy everything , friends are important for people living in the world, as the saying goes ‘none can live only rely on himself’. For instance, in the ancient times in china, women weren’t permitted to work. The only thing that they can do is caring family including children, husband and mother in law. No one solaced them when they were sad, therefore they became plaintive with the time going. Although they had superior vestment and meals, they had none happiness. Apparently, money is not everything, people who do not work have less happiness.
Furthermore, it seems so long to people who do not work in the daytime because they don’t know what they can do. In their life, there are no goals, no activity and no belief. The only thing they have is money. Without work, the confidence can’t be built up and the values of themselves cannot be found out. They will waste time in whole life absence of doing anything significant. Work can help people establish the confidence when working task having been accomplished perfectly. Not only dose work encourage people challenge more task, but also makes life significant. Cooperation in the work brings friends and happiness. Success and fail facilitate the friendship in partners. Laughs break out when succeed and encourages happen when fail. It is excessive saying wok is the most interesting and happiest thing in the world.
In conclusion, taking into account of all these factors, it is so bland in life without working. Working can bring us not only the happiness but also confidence and friendship.


[ 本帖最后由 xiaojing1115 于 2008-12-7 20:02 编辑 ]

LonelydanceUID: 2456465

首先表示歉意,刚给你批该~~~因为我才明白谁改谁的

LonelydanceUID: 2456465

People who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy    （07.11.03）|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE I%go+`V9_0k,].B#`
When it refers to the statement that people who do not work because they have enough money are rarely happy, the discussion of it among individuals and in society as a whole has come into vogue during the last decade. It is commonly accepted that people who have enough money can do none work(don't need to do any work更好) and have happy life, others, however, take the negative attitude that people who do not work are rarely happy. In my view, I prefer the latter rather than the former as my inclination.
   The first reason for my propensity is that people who do not have work have little friends cooperating in same(加冠词) task and goal. Fewer friends lead to less communication. Hardly can we live without communication. Everyone needs friends having same interest and philosophy to share the happiness and sorrows. When they don’t work, despite they have enough money, they miss the friends who like to share their happiness and help them when they are in trouble(复数). Money can not buy everything , friends are important for people living in the world, as the saying goes ‘none can live only rely on himself’. For instance, in the ancient times in china, women weren’t permitted to work. The only thing that they can do is caring family including children, husband and mother in law. No one solaced them when they were sad, therefore they became plaintive with the time going. Although they had superior vestment and meals, they had none happiness. Apparently, money is not everything, people who do not work have less happiness.
  Furthermore, it seems so long to people who do not work in the daytime because they don’t know what they can do. In their life, there are no goals, no activity and no belief. The only thing they have is money. Without work, the confidence can’t be built up and the values of themselves(去掉,多余vaule就是个人价值观的意思) cannot be found out. They will waste time in whole life absence of doing anything significant. Work can help people establish the confidence when working task having been accomplished perfectly. Not only dose work encourage people challenge more task, but also makes life significant. Cooperation in the work brings friends and happiness. Success and fail facilitate the friendship in partners. Laughs break out when succeed （感觉别扭，笑声突然爆发不太符合实际，建议改为：laughters ensue from the success，注意单词的动词与名词的区别)and encourages happen when fail.（注意单词的名动词区别，此句建议改为：encouragement happends when failure being encountered) It is excessive saying work(表否定了吧） is the most interesting and happiest thing in the world.
  In conclusion, taking into account of all these factors, it is so bland in life without working. Working can bring us not only the happiness but also confidence and friendship.
          点评：文章用词不重复，语法错误较少，清楚地表达了观点，但应该考虑选词的恰当性，并使文章的论据更加令人信服