【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】☆hustly♂12月30日作文

hustly0415UID: 2407456

Government should focus more on natural environment problems and less on economic developments.


In nowadays society, both natural environment problems and economic developments are of the most importance to the human beings, as we will benefit a lot from them both. However, in some cases, certain government may focus more on the later, which I strongly oppose due to their short-sight.

For one thing, the natural environment is crucial to the human beings as it provides us with the most essential natural resources, such as the fresh air, the clean water, the bright sunshine and so on. A government which focuses more on the economic development may argue that they could improve the living standard of the local people if they get a much higher GDP increase rate. However, under this thought, they usually ignore the protection to the natural environment, leading to the dusty air, which we have to inhale, the polluted water, which we can’t avoid to drink, and the gloomy sky. All these would do harm to the health of the local people, which goes the opposite direction from their primary goal. To understand it more clearly, all one needs to do is have a look at the minamata disease which happened in Japan 1954 and caused 108 people died due to the polluted water.

For another, if being treated well, good natural environment usually can have positive influence on the economic development. When mentioning about a beautiful place with good natural environment, my hometown Hongan for instance, it may evoke our desire to have a look at the wonderful scenery there. Then a lot of visitors may journey there, and visit the delicate scenery. Obviously, this has formed the truism. And sometimes being absorbed by the beautiful sights there, some merchants may invest there. To believe it or not, the main factors that promote the economic increase in my hometown come from the truism and investment, which caused by the good natural environment.
Take into account all the factors above, we can conclude that though economic development is important, the government should focus more on the natural environment. If they have coordinated these two issues well, the local people will benefit greatly.


[ 本帖最后由 hustly0415 于 2008-12-30 22:10 编辑 ]

45678amUID: 2530095

In nowadays society, both natural environment problems and economic developments are of the most importance to the human beings, as we will benefit a lot from them both. However, in some cases, certain government may focus more on the later, which I strongly oppose due to their short-sight.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA"h\u(]]'E)|m_#O

For one thing, the natural environment is crucial to the human beings as it provides us with the most essential natural resources, such as the fresh air, the clean water, the bright sunshine and so on. A government which focuses more on the economic development may argue that they could improve the living standard of the local people if they get a much higher GDP increase rate. However, under this thought, they usually ignore the protection to(of) the natural environment, leading to the dusty air, which we have to inhale, the polluted water, which we can’t avoid to drink, and the gloomy sky. All these would do harm to the health of the local people, which goes the opposite direction from their primary goal. To understand it more clearly, all one needs to do is  to have a look at the minamata disease which happened in Japan 1954 which caused 108 people died due to the polluted water.

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For another, if being treated well, good natural environment usually can have positive influence on the economic development. When mentioning about a beautiful place with good natural environment, my hometown Hongan for instance, it may evoke our desire to have a look at the wonderful scenery there. Then a lot of visitors may journey there, and visit the delicate scenery. Obviously, this has formed the truism. And sometimes being absorbed by the beautiful sights there, some merchants may invest there. To believe it or not, the main factors that promote the economic increase in my hometown come from the truism and investment, which caused by the good natural environment.
Take into account all the factors above, we can conclude that though economic development is important, the government should focus more on the natural environment. If they could coordinate these two issues well, the local people will benefit greatly.

豆豆～UID: 2378384

In nowadays ("Nowadays" is an adverb, not an adjective. Try "current.") society, both natural environment(al) problems and economic developments are of the most importance to the (delete "the") human beings, as we will benefit a lot from them both. However (You cannot use "however" to start a sentence if you want to express the meaning of "but," it can only mean "but" when it is used in the middle of the sentence. Instead, put "however" after "in some cases."), in some cases, certain government may focus more on the later(latter), which I strongly oppose due to their short-sight.

For one thing, the natural environment is crucial to the human beings as it provides us with the most essential natural resources, such as the fresh air, the clean water, the bright sunshine and so on. A government which focuses more on the economic development may argue that they could improve the living standard of the local people if they get a much higher GDP increase rate(much higher increase in GDP). However, under this thought(... chinglish), they usually ignore the protection to the natural environment, leading to the dusty air, which we have to inhale,("," --> ";") the polluted water, which we can’t avoid to drink,("," --> ";") and the gloomy sky. All these would do harm to the health of the local people, which goes the opposite direction from their primary goal. To understand it more clearly, all one needs to do is have a look at the minamata disease which happened in Japan 1954 and caused 108 people died ("people died" --> "deaths") due to the polluted water(The whole sentence has a very chaotic logic. Change it to "The minamata disease, happened in Japan, 1954, caused 108 deaths, best exemplifies the deleterious effect of polluted water.").

For another, if being(delete "being") treated well, good(delete "good." It's redundant. You have already said that "if treated well," which infers that the environment is "good.") natural environment usually can have positive influence on the economic development. When mentioning about a beautiful place with good natural environment, my hometown Hongan for instance, it may evoke our desire to have a look at the wonderful scenery there. (The subject in this sentence is vague. "When mentioning about a ...." who "mentioned"? it mentioned? my hometown mentioned? Reword.) Then a lot of visitors may journey there,(delete "," only use comma when it serves to connect two independent sentences, with an "and" added to the second sentence.) and visit the delicate scenery. Obviously, this has formed the truism(truism? This is a philosophy term, which I think is inappropriately used here. Did you mean "tourism"?). And(Never, never, ever use "and" to start a sentence.) sometimes being absorbed by the beautiful sights there, some merchants may invest there. To(delete "to") believe it or not, the main factors that promote the economic increase in my hometown come from the truism and investment, which caused by the good natural environment.
Take into account all the factors above, we can conclude that though economic development is important, the government should focus more on the natural environment. If they have coordinated these two issues well, the local people will benefit greatly.

This essay, with out a doubt, is supported by sufficient examples. What I would suggest, however, is that you may need to focus more on the usage on some basic words, which I pointed out in your essay. Also, try not to write long and complex sentences unless you are sure that it's right.

An essay like this may earn a score of 3~3.5 out of 5.

Good luck!