issue177 [0710G 戴三个表冲刺小组] 第四次作业

斯普特尼克UID: 2171287

抱歉，这两天忙些别的事情，没有以身作则按时交作业，请大家严厉批评！
我会在第一时间补齐的！

177. "The study of an academic discipline alters theway we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same worldas before, but with different eyes."


提纲：
1． 原来的一些认识，现在被纠正过来。古时候图腾……（真是个吃老本的家伙……）
2． 我们现在的一些认识，随着科学发展也在不断的被更正，胃溃疡。并且这些知识也会被逐渐的被新的认识所代替
3． 对个人来说，能够发现隐藏在一些事件背后的深层含义。原来随大流和凭自己的主观意识，现在可以综合自己的知识来进行分辨，更加客观
4． 同时，现有知识从一定程度上限定了你对与世界的理解。创新都是在怀疑中诞生的。

TOPIC: ISSUE177 - "The study of anacademic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying thediscipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."
WORDS: 674          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2007-7-30下午 08:13:12

In the author's statement, learning academic disciplines help us perceiving theworld, after that, the world in our eyes will be changed.I have to admit that the topic based on a strong fact for the reason that it isthe fundamental function of why people to learn academic discipline - to understandour planet better. Nonetheless, after considering about this statement in acompositive way, in my opinion, more factors should be taken into account andthe final judgment should be based on acase-by-case analysis.

In the first place, the world or we can sayour planet - earth changed little from the human's occurrence in essence.However, the step of the human's pursuit to understand the world have never ceased from the day that "some animals" become true human. The ancient people cannot understand why the sun “leaves” in a certain time and the “horrible darkness arrives, till with the development of astronomy,the answer is been revealed - self rotation of the earth.This instance explains that the world'sessence is fixed (compare to the period that human's existence, the tinychanges of the earth and the universe could be ignored), but we gradually perceived the truth of it. The story of the deity of sun only occurs in the history books and the fairy tales in modern society.

In the second place, with the ceaseless process of pursuing the world in academic field,our perceiving is changing everyday as well. It was well know that the gastric ulcer is caused in a complex way including strong working stress, anomaly lifestyle such as alcohol abuse or frequently staying up, or some psychic factorsbut recently, it was all been negated. The noble prize owner in recently yearsproved that this aggravating chronic illness -gastric ulcer is just caused by germs’ and it is easy to be cured with some antibiotics. Other instances are also commonto our daily but only the one I mention above, the process of the academic field is so fast that some knowledge of ours is turning to fallacy everyday (at least the medicines for gastric ulcer’s treatment before is useless right now). However,it is a good news as well that we have not reach to thetop of perceiving the world and many works still have to be done.

觉得结论句写得不好，写成However, it is a good news as well that wecould fulfilling our curiosity in far future and there are still many work in perceivingthe world have to be done.
会不会好一点？

In the third place, I would like to locate my point to the common people's understanding to the society not only the academic world. After reaching the field of economics and sociology and other subjects of arts, I gradually realized the"story" behind the history and found that it is not that simple as I understand in the past. These knowledge helps me to see the world especially the society and the history with different eyes and given more personal opinion to them rather than following the majority's voice simply. It also helps me treating affairs more objective and taken them into account in aspects.

Nevertheless, the academic discipline is not that perfect to some extent. Common sense and learning the story of the celebrities tell us that every breakthrough of the society whether in the politics or the academic fields or arts is the contribution of the personal creativity and the revolution to the known disciplines. The numerous examples are so common in the history book and the memory of mass's which makes it isno need to explain. The only thing to mention is that the academic disciplines sometimes will also be the barriers to the process in perceiving the whole world.

To sum up, from what I discussed above, onthe one hand, we can come to the conclusion that the learning of academic do helps up to understand the world and lead us steadily to the truth of the world. Without them we are still holding the clubs or stones and chasing the beasts, and waiting the bestowing of the deity. On the other hand, we should also keep the curiosity, doubt andcreativity in our daily life which is power and originality to new achievements in every majors. .

自己改过一遍
这次写得不好，小错误太多，竟然倒数第二段还把not这种关键词都掉了！！
并且街尾段也不饱满，不过还好，限时内写完了。

ps：为什么每次考过来，老有两个词中间空格丢失的情况？




[ 本帖最后由 斯普特尼克 于 2007-7-31 02:31 编辑 ]

nifeiUID: 2340954

真对不起,今天才给你改.

说明:粉色的是我也不太确定的,就是觉得不对劲所以改成我读着顺口又觉得对的了;
红色的是我几乎可以确定错了的,当然也可能是改错了,表骂我...
没有见过的用法我会google下,如果出来的结果都没有和lz一样的用法,我就觉得没有这个用法...

177. "The study ofan academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Afterstudying the discipline, we see the same worldas before, but withdifferent eyes."


提纲：
1． 原来的一些认识，现在被纠正过来。古时候图腾……（真是个吃老本的家伙……）
2． 我们现在的一些认识，随着科学发展也在不断的被更正，胃溃疡。并且这些知识也会被逐渐的被新的认识所代替
3． 对个人来说，能够发现隐藏在一些事件背后的深层含义。原来随大流和凭自己的主观意识，现在可以综合自己的知识来进行分辨，更加客观
4． 同时，现有知识从一定程度上限定了你对与世界的理解。创新都是在怀疑中诞生的。

TOPIC: ISSUE177 - "The study of anacademic discipline alters the way weperceive the world. After studying thediscipline, we see the same worldas before, but with different eyes."
WORDS: 674          TIME: 01:00:00          DATE: 2007-7-30 下午 08:13:12

In the author's statement, learning academic discipline s help(s) us perceiving the world, (and) after that, the world in our eyes will be changed.Ihave to admit that the topic based on a strong fact for the reason thatit is the fundamental function of why people to learn academicdiscipline - to understandour planet better. (admit that 后面这句话没有谓语,是based 吗?) Nonetheless, afterconsidering about this statement in acompositive way(consider this statement compositively), in my opinion,more factors should be taken into account andthe final judgment should be based on a case-by-case analysis.

In the first place, the world or we can say (和the world 不并列,感觉很奇怪,但没有把握说lz是错的) our planet - earth (has) changedlittle from(since) the human's occurrence in essence.However, the step of thehuman's pursuit to understand the world have(是step的谓语吧,嘿嘿...has) never ceased from(cease from也是停止的意思,不过我猜你的from是和后面的在一起的,所以改成since) the daythat "some animals" become true human. The ancient people cannotunderstand why the sun “leaves” in a certain time and the “horrible darkness arrives,till with (till with 这种用法好像没有,google上也没查到, untill足够了) the development of astronomy,the answer is(时态错误) been revealed -self rotation of the earth.(如果我写的话:The ancient people cannotunderstand why the sun “leaves” in a certain time and the “horrible darkness arrives, and not untill the development of astronomy had the answer been revealed -self rotation of the earth.不知道为什么感觉倒装会比较顺口,呵呵)This instance explains that theworld's essence is fixed (compare(comparing) to the period that(of) human's existence,the tiny changes of the earth and the universe could be ignored), but wegradually perceived the truth of it. The story of the deity of (the) sun onlyoccurs in the history books and the fairy tales in modern society.

In the second place, with the ceaseless process of pursuing the worldin academic field,our perceiving is changing everyday as well. It waswell know(known,笔误吧) that the gastric ulcer is caused in a complex way includingstrong working stress(在google上查了一下,大多数指机械方面的,不知道有没有好点的说法), anomaly(abnormal) lifestyle such as alcohol abuse or(去掉)frequently staying up, or some psychic factorsbut recently, it was allbeen negated(1.两个简单句连成一句话,没有连接词2.it was all been 是个特殊用法吗?我查了有这个用法但是不明白什么意思,请lz解释个下:P). The noble prize owner in recently(recent) years proved that thisaggravating chronic illness -gastric ulcer is just caused by germs’ andit is easy to be cured with some antibiotics. Other instances are alsocommonto (in)our daily (daily life)but only the one I mention(ed) above, the process of theacademic field is so fast that some knowledge of ours is turning tofallacy everyday (at least the medicines for gastric ulcer’s treatmentbefore is useless right now). However,it is a (去掉a )good news as well that we have not reach to thetop of perceiving the world and many works still have to be done.

觉得结论句写得不好，写成However, it isa good news as well that wecould fulfilling our curiosity in far futureand there are still many work in perceivingthe world have to be done.(and 后面的分句有两个谓动are&have to ,这是绝对不允许的,如果要语法正确觉得应该是:...which have to be done 或者that have to be done,其实to be done就足够了)
会不会好一点？
会好,感觉语言活泼了很多.


In the third place, I would like to locate my point to(in) the commonpeople's understanding to the society not only (instead of the restriction of ,我知道这样表达不出lz的意思,我也想不出来,不过not only我觉得不对)the academic world.After reaching the field of economics and sociology and other subjectsof arts, I gradually realized the"story" behind the history and foundthat it is not that(as) simple as I understand in the past. These knowledgehelps me to see the world ,especially the society and the history withdifferent eyes and given(gave) more personal opinion(opinions) to them(who??是give的对象吗?糊涂ing....) rather thanfollowing the majority's voice simply. It also helps me treatingaffairs more objective(ly) and taken(taking) them into account in (more than one,lz是这个意思吧?) aspects.

Nevertheless, the academic discipline is not that perfect to someextent. Common sense and learning the story of the celebrities tell usthat every breakthrough of the society whether in the politics or(去掉) theacademic fields or arts is the contribution of the personal creativity(lz的意思是说每一个突破都是个人行为的贡献吗??)and the revolution to the known disciplines. The numerous example  sare so common in the history book and the memory of mass's which makesit isno need to explain. The only thing to mention is that the academicdisciplines sometimes will also be the barriers to the process inperceiving the whole world.

To sum up, from what I discussed above, onthe one hand, we can come tothe conclusion that the learning of academic do helps up to understandthe world and lead us steadily to the truth of the world. Without themwe are still holding the clubs(sticks) or stones and chasing the beasts, andwaiting (for)the bestowing(what's this?金山的解释是:砖窑中砖堆上层已烧透的砖==b) of the deity. On the other hand, we should alsokeep the curiosity, doubt andcreativity in our daily life which ispower and originality to new achievements in every majors .

1.观点饱满,思路清晰,向lz学习;
2.如lz所言,小错误有一点点多......
a类型:动词的形式,时态错误,当然我指出来的可能有错的,那就真对不起了;
b类型:有时候一个句子里有两个动词,有时候没有动词;
3.句子很好.


[ 本帖最后由 nifei 于 2007-8-4 19:43 编辑 ]

nornsUID: 2325187

In the author's statement, learning academic discipline s help(s) us perceiving the world, (and) after that, the world in our eyes will be changed.Ihave to admit that the topic (based on a strong fact )for the reason thatit is the fundamental function of why people to learn academicdiscipline - to understandour planet better. (你这句话真难啊 我分析了半天才发现◎◎）Nonetheless, after considering about this statement in acompositive way(careful consideration), in my opinion（这个是不是不要会显得客观些）,more factors should be taken into account andthe final judgment should be based on a case-by-case analysis.
开头在句式上偶以为可以简单些 那样更明晰主题

In the first place, the world or we can say (the world, or say, our planet) our planet - earth (老实说我觉得你这个地方花样搞多了反而冗杂了)changedlittle from(since) the human's occurrence in essence.However, the step of the（the 去掉）human's pursuit to understand the world have(是step的谓语吧,嘿嘿...has) never ceased from(cease from也是停止的意思,不过我猜你的from是和后面的在一起的,所以改成since) the daythat "some animals" become true human. The ancient people cannotunderstand why the sun “leaves” in a certain time and the “horrible darkness arrives,till with (till with 这种用法好像没有,google上也没查到, untill足够了) the development of astronomy,the answer is(时态错误) been revealed -self rotation of the earth.(如果我写的话:The ancient people cannotunderstand why the sun “leaves” in a certain time and the “horrible darkness arrives, and not untill the development of astronomy had the answer been revealed -self rotation of the earth.感觉你这个破折号确实没用好)This instance explains that theworld's essence is fixed (compare(comparing) to the period that(of) human's existence,the tiny changes of the earth and the universe could be ignored), but wegradually perceived the truth of it. The story of the deity of (the) sun onlyoccurs in the history books and the fairy tales in modern society.

In the second place, with the ceaseless process of pursuing the worldin academic field,our perceiving is changing everyday as well. It waswell know(known,笔误吧) that the gastric ulcer is caused in a complex way includingstrong working stress(工作强度用 intensity), anomaly(abnormal) lifestyle such as alcohol abuse or(去掉)frequently staying up, or some psychic factors but recently, it was allbeen negated. The noble prize owner in recently(recent) years proved that thisaggravating chronic illness -gastric ulcer（没有必要，我觉得；而且在中间的话用双连字或双逗号） is just caused by germs’ andit is easy to be cured with some antibiotics. Other instances are also common to (in)our daily (daily life)but only the one I mention(ed) above, the process of theacademic field is so fast that some knowledge of ours is turning to fallacy everyday (at least the medicines for gastric ulcer’s treatmentbefore is useless right now). However,it is a (去掉a )good news as well that we have not reach to the top of perceiving the world and many works still have to be done.
结论句有点偏了， 应该是溃疡的事实没变，但是我们看待它的角度变了。 另， 你说其它都common只有what mentioned above 变了其实是个assertion， 而且和上面关系不大。可能你写激动了吧 ＝＝


In the third place, I would like to locate my point to(in我怎么觉得是on 咧 —_—!!) the common people's understanding to the society not only ( rather than?x行不？)the academic world.After reaching the field of economics and sociology and other subjectsof arts, I gradually realized the"story" behind the history and foundthat it is not that(as) simple as I understand in the past. These knowledgehelps me to see the world ,especially the society and the history withdifferent eyes and given(gave) more personal opinion(opinions) to them(who??是give的对象吗?糊涂ing....) rather thanfollowing the majority's voice simply. It also helps me treatingaffairs more objective(ly) and taken(taking) them into account in (more than one,lz是这个意思吧?) aspects.

Nevertheless, the academic discipline is not that perfect to someextent. Common sense and learning the story of the celebrities tell usthat every breakthrough of the society whether in the politics or(去掉) theacademic fields or arts is the contribution of the personal creativityand the revolution to the known disciplines. The numerous example  sare so common in the history book and the memory of mass's which makesit is no need to explain（这个....太彪悍了吧...偶觉得可以说 this iso obvious that we need look no further then..多少给个例子吧， 不给也不要这样鄙视人家啊...）. The only thing to mention is that the academicdisciplines sometimes will also be the barriers to the process inperceiving the whole world.

To sum up, from what I discussed above, onthe one hand, we can come tothe conclusion that the learning of academic do helps up to understandthe world and lead us steadily to the truth of the world. Without themwe are still holding the clubs(sticks) or stones and chasing the beasts, andwaiting (for)the bestowing(what's this?金山的解释是:砖窑中砖堆上层已烧透的砖==b) of the deity. On the other hand, we should alsokeep the curiosity, doubt andcreativity in our daily life which ispower and originality to new achievements in every majors .


总体来说你够猛的。。造的句子我分析了一分钟，然后很不甘心发现它是对的
好话就不说了，免得你飞了 joking

问题：
    1句子要精简，不要在长句上冗杂
      2 在就是感觉你的”－“还需要更斟酌一下

      3大体上你前三段的逻辑关系是什么呢？ 从firstly.. 来看是并列， 但是从意思来看又不象啊，象是递进深入不过也不是特别象@_@ 我就是说如果是递进的话就引导一下，更进一步的。。。balabalba  不用firstly
如果是并列， 最好加明角度 从个人来分析。。 从社会层面分析。。。



最最后 有时间的话帮我互拍吧， 手重点～～～～

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-716039-1-1.html