issue130【为我所用小组】第二次作业 By usaya

usayaUID: 2374023

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children aresocialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have notyet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a bettersociety."
WORDS: 587          TIME: 02:12:31          DATE: 2008-3-23 23:41:44


１．对前半句是半正半负的态度，后半句是大负小正
２．解释儿童社会化的意思及其对儿童成长的作用
３．其他因素也能影响着社会的命运（艺术和科技）
４．举了关于日本和美国家长教育孩子的方法来论证后半句的的claim是错误的（但是找来找去没找到好的例子，而且发现这段论证很薄弱额）
５．总结



What the speaker claims are suspicious. Canchildren, whether they will be socialized or not, be the only factor todetermine the destiny of society? Have not we learned to educate children tobring about a better society? Surely, in my point of view, neither of twoaspects which the speaker asserts is completely creditable.

The socialization in childhood, in my eye,probably means peer relationships, for example, a smaller circle is created bya group of close friends. This circle is basically equal to an interactionwhich involves studying, concepts about what they are interested in, a pile oftrouble and the like. Children who are members in this circle can gain a lot ofbenefits, including letting off pressures and improvement of knowledge, awarenessof the society and character, through communications with other members. Althoughperhaps conflicts, lies, bad habits occur on in the circle, the whole positivetrend, which the socialization in childhood are undoubtedly helpful in thestage of their growing, will not be changed any more.

Admittedly, the destiny of society dependson how children are socialized is reliable. Those who benefit from peer relationshipswill otherwise contribute to the society. Yet, some other possible factors,such as the affect on the arts, the development of the technology and the like,also influence the destiny of society. For instance, in 19th century, insocieties undergoing tremendous change, artists began to use art to agitate forsocial change. Photographer Sherry Levine has used grotesque images of women toprotest the oppression of the female gender by American advertising, law, andsocial custom, this form of expressionism we can call cultural criticism. Bythis agitation from artists, the evolution improved societies and resulted inthe advent of the real democracy. (这个例子我是完全拷贝一份资料上的，汗．．．)Similar to what mention above, thedevelopment of the technology do indeed have a same effect on the society.Without the inventing of the internet and Windows operating system, it isdifficult to image how much time people would need deal with their daily work.Moreover, the development of the society will be unfortunately delayed.

Meanwhile, I concede that some negativeaspects such as the excessively competition, violence in campus and so on, stillexist, however, such a global positive trend that children are well learned tobuild societies advanced and prefect all the while will not be destroyed anymore. With the growing development of the macro economy, the improvement ofboth the medical and the education facilities, most children are healthy, offeredfine environment for study and life. Further more, the experience concluded byformer humans informs us lots of effective ways to educate children. Forinstance, in Japan,children are encouraged to take part in some interest groups when after classin order to cultivate their interests in what they like. For another instance, parentsin United States of Americaconcentrate primary on their offspring’s ability of life and solving problems,along with themselves. So much active experience can completely support thatchildren who will bring about an advanced society have better risen by adults.

In sum, some other factors which are also attributiveto a better society, such as the arts and technology are more than just socializationin childhood. In addition, contrast with the speaker’s claim, some Japanese andAmerican adults’ available measures, which mentioned above, lead to a direct orindirect affect on cultivating so many elitists that help to build goodsocieties in Japan and America.Thus, neither of two aspects of the speaker claims is agreeable.   


这篇ＩＳＳＵＥ写到一半发现自己偏题了，汗，花了这么久写完，而且里面有个关于艺术对社会的影响的例子完全抄资料上的，等过两天我有空了要重新再修改下．还有，我看有个关于对这篇ＩＳＳＵＥ的分析说应该紧扣ＳＯＣＩＡＬＩＺＡＴＩＯＮ　ＩＮ　ＣＨＩＬＤＨＯＯＤ来写，我这个提纲是不是还是偏题了啊？望大家猛拍啊！！！！！！

[ 本帖最后由 usaya 于 2008-3-24 23:50 编辑 ]

bitdxcUID: 2465290

What the speaker claims are suspicious. Can children, whether they will be socialized or not, be the only factor to determine the destiny of society? Have not we learned to educate children touring about a better society? Surely, in my point of view, neither of two aspects which the speaker asserts is completely creditable.

The socialization in childhood, in my eye, probably means peer relationships, for example, a smaller circle is created by group of close friends. This circle is basically equal to an interaction which involves studying, concepts about what they are interested in, a pile of trouble and the like. Children who are members in this circle can gain a lot of benefits, including letting off pressures and improvement of knowledge, awareness of the society and character, through communications with other members. Although perhaps conflicts, lies, bad habits occur on in the circle, the whole positive trend, which the socialization in childhood are undoubtedly helpful in the stage of their growing, will not be changed any more.

Admittedly, the destiny of society depends on how children are socialized is reliable. Those who benefit from peer relationships will otherwise contribute to the society. Yet, some other possible factors, such as the affect on the arts, the development of the technology and the like, also influence the destiny of society. For instance, in 19th century, in societies undergoing tremendous change, artists began to use art to agitate for social change. Photographer Sherry Levine has used grotesque images of women to protest the oppression of the female gender by American advertising, law, and social custom, this form of expressionism we can call cultural criticism. By this agitation from artists, the evolution improved societies and resulted in the advent of the real democracy. (这个例子我是完全拷贝一份资料上的，汗．．．)Similar to what mention above, the development of the technology do indeed have a same effect on the society. Without the inventing of the internet and Windows operating system, it is difficult to image how much time people would need deal with their daily work. Moreover, the development of the society will be unfortunately delayed.

Meanwhile, I concede that some negative aspects such as the excessively competition, violence in campus and so on, still exist, however, such a global positive trend that children are well learned to build societies advanced and prefect(build sth/sb + adj有这个搭配吗) all the while will not be destroyed anymore. With the growing development of the macro economy, the improvement of both the medical and the education facilities, most children are healthy, offered fine environment for study and life. Further more, the experience concluded by former humans informs us lots of effective ways to educate children. For instance, in Japan, children are encouraged to take part in some interest groups when after classing order to cultivate their interests in what they like. For another instance, parents in United States of America concentrate primary on their offspring’s ability of life and solving problems, along with themselves. So much active experience can completely support that children who will bring about an advanced society have better risen by adults.


In sum, some other factors which are also attributive to a better society, such as the arts and technology are more than just socialization in childhood. In addition, contrast with the speaker’s claim, some Japanese and American adults’ available measures, which mentioned above, lead to a direct or indirect affect on cultivating so many elitists that help to build good societies in Japan and America. Thus, neither of two aspects of the speaker claims is agreeable.  

评论：优点就不提了。第二段论证儿童社会化的意思及其对儿童成长的作用时举一些事例会好些(不过我也没想到什么合适的实例) 第三段的论证个人认为，可以举一下，高科技在现代教育当中的巨大作用来驳斥文中we have notyet learned how to raise children的错误观点

[ 本帖最后由 bitdxc 于 2008-3-25 22:26 编辑 ]

jenniferganUID: 2443583

What the speaker claims are suspicious. Can children, whether they will be socialized or not, be the only factor to determine the destiny of society? Have not we learned to educate children tobring about a better society? Surely, in my point of view, neither of two aspects which the speaker asserts is completely creditable.(最好在后面用几句话详细写清楚自己的观点。)

The socialization in childhood, in my eye(opinion),probably means peer relationships, for example, a smaller circle is created by a group of close friends. This circle is basically equal to an interaction which involves studying, concepts about what they are interested in, a pile of trouble and the like. Children who are members in this circle can gain a lot of benefits, including letting off pressures and improvement of knowledge, awareness of the society and character, through communications with other members. Although perhaps conflicts, lies, bad habits occur on(去掉) in the circle, the whole positive trend(trend is positive), which the socialization in childhood are undoubtedly helpful in the stage(process) of their growing(growth), will not be changed any more.

Admittedly, the destiny of society depends on how children are socialized is reliable. Those who benefit from peer relationships will otherwise contribute to the society. Yet, some other possible factors,such as the affect on the arts, the development of the technology and the like,also influence the destiny of society. For instance, in 19th century, in societies undergoing tremendous change, artists began to use art to agitate forsocial change. Photographer Sherry Levine has used grotesque images of women to protest the oppression of the female gender by American advertising, law, andsocial custom, this form of expressionism , we can call cultural criticism. By this agitation from artists, the evolution improved societies and resulted in the advent of the real democracy. (这个例子我是完全拷贝一份资料上的，汗．．．)Similar to what mention above, the development of the technology do indeed have a same effect on the society.Without the inventing of the internet and Windows operating system, it is difficult to image how much time people would need deal with their daily work.Moreover, the development of the society will be unfortunately delayed.

Meanwhile, I concede that some negative aspects such as the excessively competition, violence in campus and so on, still exist, however, such a global positive trend that children are well learned to build societies more advanced and prefect(perfect) all the while will not be destroyed any more. With the growing development of the macro economy, the improvement of both the medical and the education facilities, most children are healthy, offered fine environment for study and life. Furthermore, the experience concluded by former humans informs us lots of effective ways to educate(cultivate) children. For instance, in Japan,children are encouraged to take part in some interest groups when(去掉) after class in order to cultivate their interests in what they like. For another instance, parents in United States of America concentrate primary on their offspring’s ability of life and solving problems,along(alone?) with themselves. So much active experience can completely support that children who will bring about an advanced society have better(改成already是不是好点？) risen by adults.

In sum, some other factors which are also attributive to a better society, such as the arts and technology are more than just socializationin childhood. In addition, contrast with the speaker’s claim, some Japanese and American adults’ available measures, which mentioned above, lead to a direct or indirect affect(effect) on cultivating so many elitists that help to build good societies in Japan and America.Thus, neither of two aspects of the speaker claims is agreeable.   
句子有点太中国化英语，有的句子语法太乱句子太长，让人分不清主谓宾

usayaUID: 2374023

bitdxc 和 jennifergan 的观点提得都不错额,其实对这道题的分析,我想每个人都是不一样的,总感觉我的提纲有跑题的嫌疑,举出来的例子也纯粹是种堆砌...   jennifergan 的意见是我一直都想去改正的,我会去参考一些比较经典的长句的结构，好好改进下,感谢二位