Argument145 kito小组leedgen的作业，尽情拍

leedgenUID: 160823

145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
提纲：
1．研究数据的可靠性值得怀疑
2. snorers发生sleep apnea 是否能导致无力锻炼
3．结论给出的建议也有待商榷

In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited a recently collected data which is believed to show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt, that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived questionairs are provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences, the new collected data is highly suspected and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore. Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.

Additionally the arguer makes a rash suggestion that any snorers should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exits little information and evidence to give support.

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact.

@amy@UID: 209096

In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and (去掉to) exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited a recently collected data(, 这里是非限定定语从句吧？要用逗号的) which is believed to show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt, that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make(makes) persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived questionairs(questionnaires是要说调查问卷吗？) are(is 这里的谓语要和quality一致吧) provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences, the new collected data is highly suspected and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore. Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.

Additionally the arguer makes a rash suggestion that any snorers should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair(unfair是不公平的意思，用在这里好像不太合适) for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exits little information and evidence to give support.

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact.

结构挺清晰的，问题点也都找出来了，尤其是句式和用词都很好:victory:

gaojiehahaUID: 2149729

提纲是没的挑剔的说！接着往下看：）
In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited a recently collected data which is believed to（好像是多余的，而且加上后句子说不通） show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt,（嗯，这个同谓语从句加的好！为后面的驳斥埋下伏笔。让我学习学习！） that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived questionnaires are provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences, the new collected data is highly suspected and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore. Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case（in the case在这里做什么意思呢？想请教一下leedgen） and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.

Additionally the arguer makes a rash suggestion that any snorers(snorer, any后面跟单数) should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exists little information and evidence to give support.

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact.

Leedgen的文采很好啊，让人羡慕不已！
通篇没什么语病，也没什么逻辑错误。我在改的过程中基本是在欣赏。欣赏完不由感慨――整篇文章都可以当范文来读了。:p
以后要多来光顾Leedgen的文章，可以学好多！

[ Last edited by gaojiehaha on 2005-12-22 at 15:37 ]

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
提纲：
1．研究数据的可靠性值得怀疑
2. snorers发生sleep apnea 是否能导致无力锻炼
3．结论给出的建议也有待商榷

In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited注意前后时态的一致 a recently collected data which is believed to show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt, that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
最后一句有点多余了，而且和前面连接不是很好。

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically好词，精练得概括了性质，忍不住赞一个！！！ reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived forming，这里是主动语态，而且，conceive是构思而没有构成的意思吧questionairs are provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences,不可数 the new collected data is highly suspected suspect and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore. 这句化没说完吧Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. 语法有点问题，再检查下Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.

Additionally the arguer makes a rash好词，再赞！！ suggestion that any snorers should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exits little information and evidence to give support.

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact.
尾段过于模版化，修改下吧

楼主的这篇文章总的来说不错，但是每个分析点的论证可以稍微深入点（如果时间够的话）．用词很好，句试可以更漂亮。　加油，
另外：merry xmas

superficialUID: 2151788

145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
提纲：
1．研究数据的可靠性值得怀疑
2. snorers发生sleep apnea 是否能导致无力锻炼 作者论题的第二个支持我觉得很值得批判，不光是你提到的这一点，前面他说的it is well known也很值得怀疑，常识并不代表一定正确啊，也有可能是其他原因导致的不是？比如说呼吸道方面的慢性病，或者白天极度劳累…… 如果是那样的话，不光这个论据站不住脚，而且结论就更加荒谬了——有病治病，少吃并不能解决问题，极度劳累还要多锻炼，那就更容易出问题了，哈哈
3．结论给出的建议也有待商榷

In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited a recently collected data which is believed to show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt, that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.[最后这句有点重复了]

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived questionairs are provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences, the new collected data is highly suspected and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore. Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is[去] available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.

Additionally the arguer makes a rash suggestion that any snorers should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exits little information and evidence to give support.

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact.
[写的很不错，很规范，错误也挺少的，比偶强多了~~作者下一步应该考虑考虑摆脱模版化的束缚，多加入一些自己的东西——当然要保证自己的比模版精彩~~当然了，argument要出彩挺难的，可是如果作者如果能在argument方面做得和别人相比有新意，和别人不一样，高分自然就会自己来找你的~哈哈 不知道说的对不对]

[ Last edited by superficial on 2005-12-25 at 18:20 ]

安婧UID: 2156480

145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
提纲：
1．研究数据的可靠性值得怀疑
2. snorers发生sleep apnea 是否能导致无力锻炼
3．结论给出的建议也有待商榷

In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited a recently collected data which is believed to show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt, that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.[有牛牛跟我说，就用现在时吧，省事又免得时态不一致。]

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived questionairs[questionnaires] are provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences, the new collected data is highly suspected and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore.[觉得这句话应该换一个角度说。前面已经说了问卷的反馈者的构成不清楚，这里指出如果反馈者的饮食多是高热量的食物，会更好的支持你的观点] Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.[可以再展开，说说你提纲里提到的是否会导致无力锻炼的问题。]

Additionally the arguer makes a rash suggestion that any snorers should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exits little information and evidence to give support.[TS＋论证＋总结。一共三句话，两句是总结性的。略显单薄。]

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact.

[感觉是，每个论点可以更深入一点。似乎总是给人意犹未尽的感觉。语法和词汇Sally已经该的很好了，安婧也不会改那个方面。说的对不对的，还请多指教。

另外关于这个阿狗，安婧觉得他最后给出的建议可以大做文章。打鼾并不是个习惯的问题，而是呼吸方式的问题。正常人是不打鼾的，而且文中也提到了打鼾会影响睡眠。我们可以提出一个可行的让人停止打鼾的办法。比如，改变睡姿，去医院治疗。]

maylUID: 2162549

Argument145 kito小组leedgen的作业，尽情拍

145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
提纲：
1．研究数据的可靠性值得怀疑
2. snorers发生sleep apnea 是否能导致无力锻炼snore——sleep apnea——无力——锻炼是一个逻辑推理过程
3．结论给出的建议也有待商榷

In this argument the speaker makes a suggestion that snorers should try to eat less and to exercise more than the average person. To support this conclusion, the speaker cited a recently collected data which is believed to show that snorers are more likely to gain weight. In addition the speaker provides a well-known fact, which is actually open to doubt, that sleep apnea often happens to those who snore and make persons too tired to exercise during the day. The argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

The first serious mistake the arguer commits is that the arguer provides no assurances that the figures are statistically reliable. Neither the total number of respondents nor the quality of those conceived questionnaires are provided in this argument. Without such vital evidences, the new collected data is highly suspected and lends little support to the arguer’s conclusion. Besides, it is very likely that other factors, like high calorie food, result in gaining weight instead of snore.前面是数据统计的模糊性，突然出现其他原因是否合适，建议另起一段 Thus the arguer could not simply draw the conclusion from the poorly supportive figures.

Furthermore, the evidence that the arguer provides about sleep apnea, the short interruption of breathing which is said to mostly happen to snorers, is apparently too weak to solidify the properness of the speaker’s suggestion. Almost nothing is available in this argument to substantiate the well-known fact is surely correct in the case and is based on a fine-regulated investigation. Perhaps sleep apnea also often happens to those who do not snore. Lacking this important information, the arguer may not be able to assume that snore is the cause of sleep apnea and correspondingly being too tired to exercise during the daytime.要论证的应是snore是否会导致sleep apnea 而不是对比 和不打鼾的人对比是否有 apnea

Additionally the arguer makes a rash suggestion that any snorers should eat less and exercise more than the average people. It is mostly possible that the person who does eat less and do more exercise during the daytime finds himself exhausted at night and then snores more during his sleeping. So it is unfair for the arguer to give such a recommendation because there exits little information and evidence to give support.

To sum up, the speaker’s suggestion does not appear much convincing to us for the reason that there are several flaws the speaker commits in this argument. To make the suggestion more persuasive and make us better evaluate it, the speaker should present more concrete information about the new collected data and the well-known fact. 作者的闪光句挺好，但论证是否应增加例证并注意论证角度？