Argument145 同主题写作第六期

cavanaUID: 2178782

TOPIC: ARGUMENT 145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 416         TIME: 0:18:55          DATE: 2006-2-17

The arguer' claim are sound and convincing at the first glance, that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. However, I am afraid that his argument can hardly bear further consideration since there are several flaws in it.

First, the arguer does not show convincing proof that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. The data collected, which I take leave to doubt, maybe not representative. It may just include so little amount of people that it can not be trusted seriously as a scientific survey fundamental. What we know is just it is a new study, so we don’t know we can trust this study result and use it as an evidence.

Second, maybe it is true that the people who snore have the condition called sleep apnea, and the interruption of breathing wakes the person. Although this condition will make him or her very tired during the day, it could not be the reason that he or she does not do exercise. Whether to exercise is about a personal custom problem. Some people have a lot of spare time and are energetic, but they have no interest to do exercise at all. More over, there are plenty of causes of weight growth, bad eating habits-taking a lot food containing high quality of heat, irregular or genetic type easier to be overweigh, ect. So that people gain weight may be not the direct result of snoring.

Third, the arguer’ conclusion that anyone who snores should try to eat less than average and to exercise more , is still unreasonable, although if the assumption that snoring make people too tired to exercise is correct . People who snore are already very tired for these habit, so if they do not eat enough food and have more exercise, their body have no sufficient energy and they will feel more tired. And their health will be damaged, which is the worst. I think the best way for such people is to have a longer sleep time than average people, or have times of nap during the day time to make up the sleep in night.

After pointing so many obvious flaws in the argument, now we can say that the reasons used to support the conclusion can not be relied on. More detailed survey and reasonable analysis should be taken if the arguer wants to show his conclusion is correct.

[ 本帖最后由 cavana 于 2006-2-17 21:18 编辑 ]

savagettUID: 2134686

The arguer' claim are(数的统一) sound and convincing at the first glance, that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. However, I am afraid that his argument can hardly bear further consideration since there are several flaws in it.

First, the arguer does not show convincing proof that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are（than并列的是people who snore吧，不用再动词了） people who do not snore. The data collected, which I take leave to doubt, maybe not representative. It may just include so little amount of people that it can not be trusted seriously as a scientific survey fundamental. What we know is just it is a new study, so we don’t know we can trust this study result and use it as an evidence. （攻击了第一句话，我不知道可不可以呢。再讨论看看）

Second, maybe it is true that the people who snore have the condition called sleep apnea, and the interruption of breathing wakes the person. Although this condition will make him or her very tired during the day, it could not be the reason that he or she does not do exercise. Whether to exercise is about a personal custom problem. Some people have a lot of spare time and are energetic, but they have no interest(in doing something or in something比较常用) to do exercise at all. More over, there are plenty of causes of weight growth, bad eating habits, taking a lot food containing high quality of heat（junk food）, irregular or genetic type easier to be overweigh（这个是想说什么意思呢？）, ect. So that people gain weight may be not the direct result of snoring.

Third, the arguer’ conclusion that anyone who snores should try to eat less than average and to exercise more , is still unreasonable, although if（这两个可以连用？） the assumption that snoring make people too tired to exercise is correct . People who snore are already very tired for these habit, so if they do not eat enough food and have more exercise, their body have no sufficient energy and they will feel more tired. And their health will be damaged, which is the worst. I think the best way for such people is to have a longer sleep time than average people, or have times of nap during the day time to make up the sleep in night.（这个说有点太主观，argument的关键是找出错误，而不是提供建议,换个语气可能好点）

After pointing so many obvious flaws in the argument, now we can say that the reasons used to support the conclusion can not be relied on. More detailed survey and reasonable analysis should be taken if the arguer wants to show his conclusion is correct.

没什么太大的问题,语言使用,非常注意形式的变化,赞一个.
再看看模板,应该可以写的更流畅.
说的不对的地方请一定指出~!
我的
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 savagett 于 2006-2-18 21:05 编辑 ]