issue51 哪里跌倒哪里爬起来~~重写~~求拍

hokuto8UID: 2188958

本来打算拿它当第一篇issue，结果写了一半写不下去了，还跑到版面上哭诉一场:L

得到斑竹的鼓励与指教，把它写完了~~~:lol

仍然是只用了假设的例证法，轻飘飘的文章:L

大家看看如何：

ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."


Which kind of education will be truly effective? The one designed to meet the family and society, and the historical context and place a student was raised within? Or the one designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? This argument prefers to the latter, but I believe that the efficiency of education lies on its generalization and socialization..

Admittedly, education designed for individuals can help people find their own lifestyles and the careers fitting for themselves. In current world, there are numerous kinds of jobs offered by various companies, organizations, and otherwise. Meanwhile, the society has provided the way to succeed in different careers. For one who want to be a biologist, he can enroll in a biological major in an university, then after four years' study, he can move on to a higher degree, may be another five years' study for doctor’s degree. At the same time, he can do some research as an assistant. After his graduation, he may become a docent, and then a regular faculty member, ending as a distinguished professor with many scientific payoffs in his own field.

However, before he achieves the final goal, he should have the elementary ability to exist and live in the actual society firstly, and such kind of ability must be furnished by the general education of the specific society they were born within. In order to attaining such ability, in his childhood, he must to take the primary education, and then go to a high school as a teenager. During this period, he can learn basics of sciences, such as math, logic, literature, and so on. He can also be trained for quick, resolute, and effective thinking. Moreover, education must equip him with ethic and moral, teach him to communicate with others, so that he can be in his function as a cog in the social machine, ensuring that society can maintain and develop itself.

Moreover, it is impossible for society to establish an education system fitting each individual’s needs and interests, since the demands of each individual are too specific and diverse to cover with limited capability of society. Hence, what the society could do its best is provided as many categories of professional education can it can, under the premises of satisfying its own needs.

Finally, there is one thing worthy emphasizing: it is not just some students and a few of faculty and a campus that is what education needs, what the education really is, is to preparing people for leading a better life in the society and to maintaining and developing the society itself. Hence, the truly effective education must be the one designed to meet the needs of society, and individuals involved in it.

实在想不出合适的例子，也没有动力去找:L

请拍拍，留链必回拍，issue或argu都可以。

[ 本帖最后由 hokuto8 于 2006-4-10 15:35 编辑 ]

bellaUID: 2113519

Which kind of education will be truly effective? The one designed to meet the family(为什么是family?) and society, and the historical context and places a student was raised within? Or the one designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? This argument prefers to the latter, but I believe that the efficiency of education lies on its generalization and socialization.

Admittedly, education designed for individuals can help people find their own lifestyles and the careers fitting for themselves. In current world, there are numerous kinds of jobs offered by various companies, organizations, and otherwise.为什么不写成call for various experts with various skills之类的呢? Meanwhile, the society has provided the way to succeed in different careers. For one who want to be a biologist, he can enroll in a biological major in an university, then after four years' study, he can move on to a higher degree, may be another five years' study for doctor’s degree. At the same time, he can do some research as an assistant. After his graduation, he may become a docent, and then a regular faculty member, ending as a distinguished professor with many scientific payoffs in his own field.我觉得你这样举假设的例子也是很不错的,比较容易想到例子,但是如果不要说成one who want to be a biologist 这样开始的,而说成阐述how a biologist  achieves his degree or research 会不会好一点?像是在阐述社会的现像而不是说一个个体呵呵,我自己是这样觉得,不知道对不对啦.

However, before he achieves the final goal, he should have the elementary ability to exist and live in the actual society firstly, and such kind of ability must be furnished by the general education of the specific society they were born within. In order to attaining such ability, in his childhood, he must to take the primary education, and then go to a high school as a teenager. During this period, he can learn basics of sciences, such as math, logic, literature, and so on. He can also be trained for quick, resolute, and effective thinking. Moreover, education must equip him with ethic and moral, teach him to communicate with others, so that he can be in his function as a cog in the social machine, ensuring that society can maintain and develop itself.我喜欢在段末加一句总结的话,呵呵,多点字数又让人清楚每一段在讲什么.

Moreover, it is impossible for society to establish an education system fitting each individual’s needs and interests, since the demands of each individual are too specific and diverse to cover with limited capability of society. Hence, what the society could do its best is provided as many categories of professional education can it can, under the premises of satisfying its own needs.这一段写得不够哦,可以写写具体怎么个impossible 法嘛,什么经济方面啊,管理方面啊,师资啊教室啊教材啊都可以说上一大段了呢呵呵.

Finally, there is one thing worthy emphasizing: it is not just some students and a few of faculty and a campus that is what education needs, what the education really is, is to preparing people for leading a better life in the society and to maintaining and developing the society itself. Hence, the truly effective education must be the one designed to meet the needs of society, and individuals involved in it.结尾写得好像又是另一段论证一样了.但是这很喜欢你这一句.为了和这一句对应,可以在第三段提一提个体是社会一员之类的话的,很好加进去的.

我自己也写得很烂呵呵,改的不是的地方不要见怪哦,我觉得互相改的过程进步很大的.我也写过这个题目,还有一些朋友帮我改的,你帮我也看一看吧.


https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

[ 本帖最后由 bella 于 2006-4-10 22:44 编辑 ]

hokuto8UID: 2188958

恩，看了你给我的评语，提醒了很多我没注意的地方~~~~

先占个座，我今天在站里搜了一堆大牛们的issue准备研究，待我闭关出来再帮你好好改，自己的文章的修改也再等等了~~~~~

另外，evilghost 说得对，你喜欢连用两个定语从句，这样不好，把所有的东西都挤到后面去了，句子读起来很拗口，为了更smooth，要么分开，要么不要用从句换成定语一类的。
可以改成：

as a best known example, Edison made many great achievements in his field, and that is thanks to the persistence in his own interests.

这样感觉是否更smooth呢？？

详细的修改再等等吧，可能要一两天~~~~

[ 本帖最后由 hokuto8 于 2006-4-10 23:37 编辑 ]

bellaUID: 2113519

呵呵,是啊是啊,他说了以后我也有改了啦.呵呵.