我的5T同主题写作第二期

lanccyUID: 2156906

好难写啊！一开始把握不清楚结构，连论据都不知道怎么组织，在纸上写了两大段以后是在写不下去，休息了一会，直接在电脑上写，又发现把例子的故事写太多，每段都写了将近两百个字，好不容已有删改了半天终于成文，一看前前后后已经花了两个小时有余。愁死我了，正是的文章也了不是一次两次的了，怎么还是这么慢？到底怎样才能写快一点呢？
topic 166
People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer    (出现年分0510)


Differences exist between children and adults, which are considered by many to be eliminated when one grow old enough, say 18 or 20 years old. However, what I would like to say is that, it is the events not the age which can only be a mark of physical maturity, that can serve as milestones on one’s way to become an adult.

The first discrepancy between children and adults is the sense of responsibility. My friend Mike told me that it was a dinner that urged him to realize his identity as an adult. He and his parents went out for dinner one day. After enjoying their meal, instead of taking out his purse as usual, Father remained on his seat continued their chat. Sitting there with empty plates and a bill in front of him, Mike, as he said, began to wonder why his parents still had no intention to leave. Finally, an idea came into his mind: it was his turn to pay for the meal! Without any hesitance, Mike took up the bill, which he commented later as a significant moment in his life. He said though being a bit shocked of the fact that he was already an adult, he was happy to take up the responsibility to pay for his parents.

Another difference that deserves some words here is the ability of critical thinking. No one can take charge of others’ life except themselves. A case in point is my decision to accept some international students’ inviting to the pubs. Born and bred in a relatively conservative society, I was inclined to consider pub as sort of dangerous place. Nonetheless, my sense told me I could not judge a place so arbitrarily before I experienced it. Besides, as self-responsible I was, I could behave properly in such place to ensure my safety. With such thought in my mind, I accepted the invitation, enjoying myself and leaving the pub safe and sound. I knew I had grown into an adult since then for the capability of my critical judgment.

In conclusion, adult is not a concept only of physical meaning. Difference could not be eradicated unless children are baptized by enough special events before they really become adults mentally.

6rUID: 2140710

小看了一下，觉得两个例子有一个共同的特点，就是都是自身的经验。记得听王令的作文课（网络课堂）上说得不要写这些自身的经验，因为这些有失公允；而（我个人以为）反映在语言上就显得很琐碎，不够简洁，所以浪费时间。
一点不成熟的建议，望楼主见谅

QuincySMUID: 2162088

Differences exist between children and adults, which are considered by many to be eliminated when one grow(grows) old enough, say 18 or 20 years old. However, what I would like to say is that, it is the events not the age which can only be a mark of physical maturity, that can serve as milestones(好词) on one’s way to become an adult.(这一句可以用not...but...原文逻辑显得有些混乱)
后面的没有细节的问题，就是我也不知道可不可以整段都以例子为主。建议适当说理，例子不用写很细（第二段就写得太细了）

PS: 不是很详细啊 太困了....  :eek:

夜一UID: 2130338

People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer   

我个人对这道题目的理解似乎与楼主不太一样。楼主两个论述短的第一句话都拿differences开刀，也就是说给人一种感觉，楼主论述的不是events，而是differences。我的理解时，本文的主题应该是events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult，因为题目要求Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer，而question只有一个，不是differences，而是events。
如果说得不对请楼主见谅，事实上我在写的过程中也多次差点偏离了这点，的确是很不容易把握语句，即使内容是一样的，写法不同论述的中心点也就会不一样。
也在这里贴上我的连接把，希望楼主能对我提些建议，谢谢先。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

lanccyUID: 2156906

哎，就知道这篇不好写，也没写好……谢谢楼上各位的意见，再多看几篇就回去改写

逆风飞羊UID: 182440

你两个正文段的TS都是说成人和小孩的区别,而不是event,尽管你的内容确实是说的事件可是会给人跑题之嫌.TS一定要写好.
另外你说写了很多,首先,你应该限时,就不可能那样没边地写了.另外注意,一个例子不能超过两句话.你这里详细的描写都是没用的.其实第一个例子不用那么多,就一句话,一天Mike一家出去下馆子的时候他爹把帐单有意留在他的面前让他付帐,他意识到自己长大了.

lanccyUID: 2156906

文章已经彻底重新改过了，大家帮忙在看一下吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2