argument147 [加州阳光]第二次作业请排砖

lixiaomin046400UID: 2207959

argument147  机井频率24
147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

尽管Whirlwind游戏公司的游戏销量在过去两年中下降了，最近一次对于电子游戏玩家的调查显示这种销售趋势可能会逆转。该调查询问游戏玩家对于一个游戏来说他们所认为的最重要特征是什么。根据调查结果，玩家倾向于那些需要最先进的电脑的，具有活灵活现图象的游戏。Whirlwind刚刚面向10－25岁的人群开展了大力的广告活动来推广若干此类游戏，10－25岁是最喜欢玩游戏的年龄层。这说明Whirlwind公司的游戏销量将会在未来几个孕猛增。


This editorial concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months . To support this recommendation the editorial's author cites a recent survey in which videogame players indicated a preference for games with lifelike graphics requiring the most up-to- date computers. The editorial then provide the evidence that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old---the group most likely to play video games. I find this argument logically flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, the survey might be problematic in two respects: First, the survey is too vague, it fails to point out the number of people surveyed, the number of responders, where and how the survey was conducted. It is impossible to access the validity of the results. Secondly, the editorial's author provide no evidence that the survey's responders are representative of the overall group of people who prefer to play video games. Perhaps a significant percentage of the respondents were not 10 to 25 years of age, therefore their answers cannot persuade me to believe that players prefer games that provide realistic graphics.

Moreover, even if the survey is valid, the argument rests on the further assumption that Whirlwind's new games in accordance with the result of the survey will suffice to cause the predicted sales increase during hte next few months. Yet such games might not be popular. The games only have lifelike graphic and lack of adventure, stimulation and fascinating scenarios, it is entirely possible that the sale of Whirlwind's video games will decline. Without ruling out other possible reasons for the games' sale cannot convince me.

Even assuming that games with realistic graphics requiring state-of-the art computers do make contribution to the sale of the games. The editorial contains no evidence to explain the reasons why the sales of Whirlwind vide games have declined over the two years. Perhaps the primary reason is that the whole market of video games is stagnant, or Whirlwind implemented unmerited strategies, or Whirlwind's management is very poor. Since the author has not identified the cause of the decline, I cannot believe that Whirlwind's new strategy will reverse that decline at all.

Finally, Whirlwind's games aims at people 10-25 years old, the author fails to testify the demographic group most likely to play video games.

In sum, as it stands the argument is unconvincing. To strengthen it the author must provide strong evidence that the survey's respondents were statistically representative of all recent game players. The author must also rule out all the other possible causes of the decline and which kind of games the players really like.

写的匆忙，自我感觉都很差，有时间再改。

leaf99UID: 2174003

This editorial concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months . To support this recommendation the editorial's author cites a recent survey in which videogame players indicated a preference for games with lifelike graphics， requiring which required the most up-to- date computers（a preference for sb with sth? 没听过）. The editorial then provide the evidence that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old---the group most likely to play video games. I find this argument logically flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, the survey might be problematic in two respects: First, the survey is too vague, it fails to point out the number of people surveyed, the number of responders（respondents）, where and how the survey was conducted. It is(which are) impossible to access the validity of the results. Secondly, the editorial's author provide no evidence that the survey's responders are representative of the overall group of people who prefer to play video games. Perhaps a significant percentage of the respondents were not 10 to 25 years of age, therefore their answers cannot persuade me to believe(convince me) that players prefer games that provide realistic(?) graphics.

Moreover, even if the survey is valid, the argument rests on the further assumption that Whirlwind's new games in accordance with the result of the survey will suffice to cause the predicted sales increase during hte next few months(这句型我很喜欢). Yet such games might not be popular. The games only have lifelike graphic and lack of adventure, stimulation and fascinating scenarios, it is entirely possible that the sale of Whirlwind's video games will decline. Without ruling out other possible reasons for the games' sale cannot convince me.

Even assuming that games with realistic graphics requiring state-of-the art computers do make contribution to the sale of the games. The editorial contains no evidence to explain the reasons why the sales of Whirlwind vide games have declined over the two years. Perhaps the primary reason is that the whole market of video games is stagnant, or Whirlwind implemented unmerited strategies, or Whirlwind's management is very poor. Since the author has not identified the cause of the decline, I cannot believe that Whirlwind's new strategy will reverse that decline at all.

Finally, Whirlwind's games aims at people 10-25 years old, the author fails to testify the demographic group most likely to play video games.（论证都没有啊）

In sum, as it stands the argument is unconvincing. To strengthen it the author must provide strong evidence that the survey's respondents were statistically representative of all recent game players. The author must also rule out all the other possible causes of the decline and which kind of games the players really like.

补全了finally那部分，就是一片不错的argu啦，加油哦

请修改叶子的
Issue38 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768680615
Argument147  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3

lixiaomin046400UID: 2207959

谢谢叶子:)
时间仓促，没写完最后一个论证，一定补上:D

lastpearlUID: 2119955

This editorial concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this recommendation the editorial's author cites a recent survey in which videogame players indicated a preference for games with lifelike graphics requiring the most up-to- date computers. The editorial then provide the evidence that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old---the group most likely to play video games. I find this argument logically flawed in several critical respects.

To begin with, the survey might be problematic in two respects: First, the survey is too vague, it fails to point out the number of people surveyed, the number of responders, where and how the survey was conducted. It is impossible to access the validity of the results. Secondly, the editorial's author provide (provides) no evidence that the survey's responders are representative of the overall group of people who prefer to play video games. Perhaps a significant percentage of the respondents were not 10 to 25 years of age, therefore their answers cannot persuade me to believe that players prefer games that provide realistic graphics.

Moreover, even if the survey is valid, the argument rests on the further assumption that Whirlwind's new games in accordance with the result of the survey will suffice to cause the predicted sales increase during hte (the) next few months. Yet such games might not be popular. (最好加上Maybe,语气不要太肯定)The games only have lifelike graphic and lack of adventure, stimulation and fascinating scenarios, it is entirely possible that the sale（sales） of Whirlwind's video games will decline. Without ruling out other possible reasons for the games' sale cannot convince me. (此句话缺少成分，没有完整的表达意思)

Even assuming that games with realistic graphics requiring state-of-the art computers do make contribution to the sale of the games. The editorial contains no evidence to explain the reasons why the sales of Whirlwind vide games have declined over the two years. Perhaps the primary reason is that the whole market of video games is stagnant, or Whirlwind implemented unmerited strategies, or Whirlwind's management is very poor. Since the author has not identified the cause of the decline, I cannot believe that Whirlwind's new strategy will reverse that decline at all.

Finally, Whirlwind's games aims at people 10-25 years old, the author fails to testify the demographic group most likely to play video games.（可以适当的再扩充些）

In sum, as it stands the argument is unconvincing. To strengthen it the author must provide strong evidence that the survey's respondents were statistically representative of all recent game players. The author must also rule out all the other possible causes of the decline and which kind of games the players really like.

写的不错，思路比较清晰，加油

mercurywaterUID: 2179090

在上面两位的修改的基础上我感觉也是这些错误，lixiaomin046400 有空把这些错误修改了就好

在读文章的过程中，明显感觉到作者在用北美范文中的句子，在适当的地方作一些替换，学习ing 加油！