Issue50 呵呵,大家来看看啊

yagagaUID: 2140053

50. "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
为了改大学的教学质量，所有的教员都应该被要求花一定时间到学术领域以外去参加和他们所教科目相关的工作。
孤立的教育

提纲：
1,首先，教师在外界的工作是有益的
   （1）现在的大学存在着同实际情况脱节，教学内容陈旧，教授实际应用能力差的情况
   （2）适当的和外界的交流可以使教师更好的把握学科的发展形势，更加适应实际情况，更加紧密和工业的联系。
2， 但是，鉴于教授的主要任务是教学，过多的接触外界会使教学情况受到影响。
   //软件设计 ，楼房设计

正文：
College, as the cultivating place of social elites, are usually seemed segregated from the more mundane and mediocre everyday existence, thus it might be preferable for college faculty to spend time working outside the academic world, to elude from the illusion provided by serious study or research. And if this learning process is under control, faculty and students would readily benefit from the exploration of the real world.

In light of the relatively isolated nature of academic study, college faculty is generally said to be limited in the tower of ivory, and have not much contact with the actual world. A serious literature professor might readily immerse in the noble and requisite rhetoric of Shakespeare’s poems, and has not much interest to the reversion of a under publishing newspaper. An eager scholar in mathematics would probably engage in the deduction of certain formula which, in his view, is of unutterable balance and beauty which could be hardly emulated by, perhaps, the establishing of a model of economic trend. To them, serious academic study bestowed them certain evasion from the otherwise tedious and unpalatable living style, and they are readily to accept.

Also, the up-dating process of college text books can hardly catch up with the pace of knowledge refreshing, which begets the lag behind of college teaching and the development of certain branches, especially in the fields of science. For example in the area of computer technology, the appalling manner of progressing can be barely caught up by any college text book, and the discrepancy between teaching and its application is startling. Nonetheless, college education are not supposed to necessitate the completely mastery of the most recent development, for three or four years is to short for an exhaustive understanding. Yet as the best equipped young men and women in certain dominion, for instance, the computer technology,  they should take the responsibilities of participating and even guiding the process, and contact with the cutting-edge current and trend, which, though, falls on faculty as their obligations.

Deeper down, the contact with the outside academic world make professors familiar with the new progress in his field, which serves to direct and adapt their text book, particular in certain practical areas, like economy and politics. Take economy for example, a professor in this field should not merely adhere to the published theories and explanation in books, and they might go out and bring some vivid exemplars which obviously contribute to deeper understanding than bald reciting. As for a political professor, he should concentrate more on recently policies and political activities, and provide incisive and penetrating comment, while not stick to demagogue clichés.

However, too much attention on the real world would defeat its purpose at the first place. An architectural professor, though might superior to engineers in society, perhaps can not earn as much as they do if he do not involve in many programs, which may result in unbalanced psychological state. Nevertheless, as an responsible instructor, the tutorial activities should always be of paramount importance, and excessive indulgence in lucrative program would distract his attention from teaching which only serves to beget detrimental results.

To sum up, to contact and explore the real world is beneficent to conscientious academic scholar, for he could keep in pace with the most recently progress in the field and make abstract theories more comprehensible and acceptable to his students. Whereas this contact policy is immoderate cherished, the purpose of exploration is blurred.

runningpiggyUID: 194977

take a seat...

runningpiggyUID: 194977

College, as the cultivating place of social elites, are usually seemed[主动语态的seem to才对吧？] segregated from the more mundane and mediocre everyday existence, thus it might be preferable for college faculty to spend time working outside the academic world, to elude from the illusion provided by serious study or research. And[这个词不要放句首] if this learning process is under control, faculty and students would readily benefit from the exploration of the real world. [你的观点是保守赞同吧？可这里表述的并不明白，你同意什么，为了什么而保留都应该写明白，前面写这么长的一句却没写明白这个问题实在是有点舍本逐末了]

In light of the relatively isolated nature of academic study, college faculty is generally said to be limited in the tower of ivory, and have not much contact with the actual world.[这个似乎是你要说的分论点的原因，而不应该是你的分论点] A serious literature professor might readily immerse[这个应该是passive voice] in the noble and requisite[没搞懂怎么会用这个词] rhetoric of Shakespeare’s poems, and has not much interest to the reversion[这个我也看不懂，应该是revision吧？] of a under publishing newspaper.[这个例子来得太突然，中间缺乏过渡] An eager scholar in mathematics would probably engage in the deduction of certain formula which, in his view, is[are] of unutterable balance and beauty which[定从套定从是很恐怖的] could be hardly emulated by, perhaps, the establishing of a model of economic trend.[两个例子都是很specific的，需要你的语言把他们扯到你的分论点上，而且分这文科理科这两个方面的时候，前面最好能交代一下] To them, serious academic study bestowed them certain evasion from the otherwise tedious and unpalatable living style, and they are readily to accept. [感觉这是在写说明文，就是说明某种现存的情况，而问题是你要写的应该是议论文，先写出观点，然后后面进行证明。先好好考虑这个问题再下笔吧，你的语言是挺好的]

Also, the up-dating[不要连字符] process of college text books can hardly catch up with the pace of knowledge refreshing, which begets the lag behind of college teaching and the development of certain branches, especially in the fields of science.[太长的TS，如果可以的话，论点句最好能在15个词左右，从句也不要超过一个。还有就是这句话其实没有概括好，里面包括了太多的内容] For example[缺逗号] in the area of computer technology,[又来了，一上来就举例] the appalling[怎么用这个词？] manner of progressing can be barely caught up by any college text book, and the discrepancy between teaching and its application is startling. Nonetheless, college education are not supposed to necessitate the completely mastery of the most recent development, for three or four years is too short for an exhaustive understanding.[看得晕乎乎的，千转百转的，搞不懂你想表达啥] Yet as the best equipped young men and women in certain dominion, for instance, the computer technology,  they should take the responsibilities of participating and even guiding the process, and contact with the cutting-edge current and trend, which, though, falls on faculty as their obligations. [个人认为这段的内容有点偏离中心了，还有就是文章开头没写好，结尾也没写好，感觉一上来就议论，到了最后也没议论出什么东西，也不知道议论的重点到底是啥，中间的某些用词也还需斟酌]

Deeper down[有这么写得么？], the contact with the outside academic world make professors familiar with the new progress in his field, which serves to direct and adapt their text book, particular[副词] in certain practical areas, like economy and politics.[有点崩溃了，这段为什么要独立出来？] Take economy for example, a professor in this field should not merely adhere to the published theories and explanation in books, and they might go out and bring some vivid exemplars which obviously contribute to deeper understanding than bald reciting. As for a political professor, he should concentrate more on recently policies and political activities, and provide incisive and penetrating comment, while not stick to demagogue clichés.

However, too much attention on the real world would defeat its purpose at the first place. An architectural professor, though might superior to engineers in society, perhaps can not earn as much as they do if he do not involve in many programs, which may result in unbalanced psychological state. Nevertheless, as an responsible instructor, the tutorial activities should always be of paramount importance, and excessive indulgence in lucrative program would distract his attention from teaching which only serves to beget detrimental results.

To sum up, to contact and explore the real world is beneficent to conscientious academic scholar, for he could keep in pace with the most recently progress in the field and make abstract theories more comprehensible and acceptable to his students. Whereas this contact policy is immoderate cherished, the purpose of exploration is blurred.


[看到后面实在是看不下去，有太多东西和我的AW观有着很大的出入，所以就不细改了，我认为AW最重要的，跟所有英语作文一样，就是观点明确，可是这篇文章缺乏这个。还有就是写完观点之后究竟应该怎么去说一个问题，这篇文章完全就是用的例子来证明，可是我所看到的仅仅是例子的堆砌，而看不到我想看到的证明过程，例子和观点是游离的，观点我也仅仅是从你的中文提纲中看到的，和我在文中看到的似乎也不太一样。语言可以说是唯一能够称赞的地方，不过亮点也不多，仅仅是不会让人觉得乏味而已。当然你可以不接受我的看法，毕竟差别还是相当大的，不过在第一点上希望你能考虑一下]

yagagaUID: 2140053

我仔细看了一下,确实有很多问题,最主要的就是句式很烦，但是并没有说出实际的东西，也就是说没有分析，我仅仅是在堆砌词藻，但是过分的堆砌让人很烦，但是issue的本质缺失了，恩，下次还来，希望斑竹再给砍下！！