求拍作文~~ 好邻居的品质

：）UID: 2398849

17号就考试了。。
还没怎么写过几篇

以前考过G。大意了。。。
这次写，也写的长了。。。我就是废话多。。

大家不用客气。。尽管拿砖头来招呼


15题：Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor?

Generally, like many animals, human being is a kind of social animals. As a Biblical saying goes that “A man cannot live merely on the bread”. To live in the society, people ask for more, ranging from the belonging to a certain group to the community they get involved. Needless to say, a good neighbor is an important factor determining whether you could lead a comfortable life. If you have such a tough experience that you cannot go to sleep at 12:00 PM simply because your neighbor is playing rock music, you will agree with the importance of good neighbors. Then what defines a good neighbor? Personally, I prefer a neighbor who is outward and readily to help. And it is better if he/she has a sense of humor.

Warm-hearted is the primary reason defining a good neighbor, without which simply turns a nominal neighbor into nonexistence. Suppose a man lives next door to me, he never talks to me, seldom says hello to me, and rarely meets me on the hall. What makes the difference if he does not live next door to me? I am afraid not. Having a neighbor like him equals to nothing. Only with an outward heart in his/her chest, can I and my neighbor get to know each other. We can chat a lot, varied from weather to economical news. We can play a lot, such as computer game or cards. We can also share our past experience, reminding each other not to commit a same mistake again. Making friends with neighbors is a wise choice. After all, a saying goes that it is better to have a friend than an enemy. I want to continue this saying by that it is equally better to have a friend than nothing.

Readily to help is another determining point of a good neighbor. Known to us all, it is because social animals could help each other that they live together. So do the human beings. No one could escape from possible difficulties. And our neighbors sever to be a good helper when we need help. An apt example that some people will ask their neighbor to keep an eye on their house when they are out for a journey sheds some light on this point. Take me as another example, whenever I was back to home after school and found nobody was at home, my neighbor uncle Thomason will always invited me to his home waiting for my parents. To be sure, good neighbor like uncle Thomason are invariably accommodating.

Humorous, as a plus quality, serves a catalyst to building a good neighbor. It is undeniable that a humor person is more amicable and easygoing than a serious one. Influenced by people’s humor, we tend to make friends with them, because talking with humorous people makes us happy as well. One needs not go far but to check two neighbors of mine. They moved in consecutively but differ greatly in their sense of humor. Jim seems to have numerous funny stories in all categories, which quickly earned my parents’ appreciation. While the other neighbor Lisa appeared to be a little bit dull, preventing us to get to know her even though she is very kind. Therefore, even though humorous is not a determinant factor, it does play an indispensable role in defining a good neighbor.

According to my past experience as well as my observation of good neighbors, it is convinced that good neighbors may differ in many superficial ways, but several common features of them are outward, readily to help and humorous as well.

：）UID: 2398849

HElp~~

potatoflyUID: 2366489

好长啊~

：）UID: 2398849

厄。。。不好意思。。比较罗嗦。。。//esc

豆豆～UID: 2378384

Generally, like many animals, humanbeing is(we humans are) a kind of social(gregarious) animals. As a Biblical saying goes that “Aman cannot live merely on the bread”.(.") To live in the society, people(invariably) ask for more, ranging from the belonging to a certain group to thecommunity they get involved. Needless to say, a good neighbor is animportant factor determining whether you(one) could lead a comfortable life.If you have such a tough experience that you cannot go to sleep at12:00 PM(If you had such a tough experience that you could not go to sleep until twelve o'clock in the midnight) simply because your neighbor is playing rock music, you willagree with the importance of good neighbors. Then what defines a goodneighbor? Personally, I prefer a neighbor who is outward and readily tohelp. And it is better if he/she has a sense of humor.

You spent too much time introducing your topic and I don't think some of the sentences were necessary, especially the two that started the paragraph. The goal for you is to let the readers know what you are talking about as soon as possible, which means you need to write less about too general stuff, and more about things related to the topic.

Warm-hearted is the primary reasondefining a good neighbor, without which simply turns a nominal neighborinto nonexistence.(delete the second clause.) Suppose a man lives next door to me, he(", he" ==> ". He") never talksto me, seldom says hello to me, and rarely meets me on the hall. Whatmakes the difference(Does it make any difference) if he does not live next door to me? I am afraidnot. Having a neighbor like him equals to("equals to" ==> "means") nothing. Only with an outwardheart in(side) his/her chest, can I and my neighbor get to know each other.We can chat a lot, varied from weather to economical news. We can playa lot, such as computer game or cards. We can also share our pastexperience, reminding each other not to commit a same mistake again.Making friends with neighbors is a wise choice. After all, a sayinggoes that it is better to have a friend than an enemy. I want tocontinue this saying by that it is equally better to have a friend thannothing.(extraneous, delete this sentence.)

Readily to help is anotherdetermining point of a good neighbor. Known to us all, it is becausesocial animals could help each other that they live together. So do thehuman beings.(". So do the human beings" ==> ", and we humans are no exception to the rule.") No one could escape from possible difficulties(hindrance).(I thinkg this sentence is not a necessity.) And ourneighbors sever(??????serve?) to be a good helper when we need help. An apt examplethat some people will ask their neighbor to keep an eye on their housewhen they are out for a journey sheds some light on this point. Take meas another example, whenever(", whenever" ==> ". Whenever") I was back to home after school and found("and found" ==> "only finding")nobody was at home, my neighbor uncle Thomason will(would) always invited meto his home waiting for my parents. To be sure, good neighbor likeuncle Thomason are invariably accommodating.

Humorous, as a plus quality, servesa catalyst to building a good neighbor. It is undeniable that a humorperson is more amicable and easygoing than a serious one. Influenced bypeople’s humor, we tend to make friends with them, because talking withhumorous people makes us happy as well. One needs not go far but tocheck two neighbors of mine. They moved in consecutively but differgreatly in their sense of humor. Jim seems to have numerous funnystories in all categories, which quickly earned my parents’appreciation. While the other neighbor Lisa appeared to be a little bitdull, preventing us to get to know her even though she is very kind.Therefore, even though humorous is not a determinant factor, it doesplay an indispensable role in defining a good neighbor.

I just scanned over this paragraph, because I think you can write a good supporting paragraph.

According to my past experience aswell as my observation of good neighbors("According ... neighbors" is really not needed here, because the task was for you to write an essay based on your experience as well as observation.), it is convinced that goodneighbors may differ in many superficial ways, but several commonfeatures of them are outward, readily to help and humorous as well.


ALL IN ALL:

I can see that you've taken GRE and are well capable of writing sentences. I don't really know how does it go on a GRE test, but I'm sure that you can get a high score on TOEFL. However, if you wanna get a even higher score on TOEFL or any other tests, long sentence is not the dominant factor, but logic and coherency. You've listed plenty of examples and quotes, and I think they are persuasive enough. BUT, try not to write sentences that are unnecessary and do not add anything to the subject. Believe me, since you've already conquered GRE, you do not need to worry about how many words you have written and do they meet the minimun requirements. You are bet to write an over 300-word essay. What you really need to do here is to ONLY WRITE SENTENCES THAT ARE MEANINGFUL.  P.S: There are still a lot of sentences need to be deleted... Do it yourself:-p Dude.

BTW, I replaced some of the words, because I think that's what fits your skilled ability of writing English.

An essay like this may earn a score of 4~4.5 out of 5

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TOEFL! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAR GOOD NEWS FROM YOU!