IMPULSE小组-- 雪羽酒 可再生能源代替化石能源(不知道哪天的题-_-|||)

雪羽酒UID: 2515193

不知今天应该写哪篇,就挑了一篇题目堆立没有标时间的,麻烦大家改改! 我会回拍的~

Renewable resources of energy (Sun, wind, water) will soon replace fossils fuels such as gases, oil, and coal. Do you agree or disagree?

Although there is a rapid growth of using renewable resources such as solar energy, wind forces etc., I somehow disagree with the hypothesis presented in the subject. We can see certain facts at this time which show the time of fossil fuels being replaced has not yet come to us.

Applying renewable resources into practice has some limitations. We use wind to actuate windmills only in wide, flat plains where strong wind goes through very often, otherwise the windmills couldn't generate electricity. And taking advantage of the solar energy isn't so efficient that it can just be applied to some machinery using less power. Adversely, fossil fuels like petroleum and coal can be easily used in trains or automobiles. It's hard to imagine how a car can use wind forces to start its engine.

Renewable fuels limitation also imitates its young age comparing to the years of the technology development aiming at fossil fuels' utility. It has been just some decades since humans begun to realize the significance of energy saving and turned to researching those renewable fuels' application. As a result, motivation technology in the renewable resources field has not yet been mature and it cannot keep up with the high pace of modern life, which regards speed or efficiency as its principle. It obviously shows us that renewable fuels replacing traditional fossil resources still has a long way to go.

What takes the transition even a longer time is people’s lifestyle. Being accustomed to traditional fuels, it’s difficult for us to get used to this new fuels so swiftly. As we all can see, renewable resources has advantage over fossil fuels, however it has weakness as well, for example, inefficiency as I mentioned above. What we see is the international oil price has raised so much attention of experts, economics, even political officers, which reflects a fact that oil is so crucial that we can’t leave it for one day.

A worldwide sustainable development needs a wide spread of renewable energy application, but we must still see this initial state now we are in. Though that renewable fuels replace traditional fuels is not a legend, only by developing the technology of renewable resource step by step, can we reach that destination.

DHHDUID: 2307664

总评：LZ的英文基本功很扎实，写的文章在语言上自然也就没有什么大问题，我批出来的大多是一些小问题，或者就是关于文章优化的讨论。
纵观全篇，逻辑分析很扎实，猜想LZ是考过AW的人，才练得这番笔法，美中不足的一点就是例证不足，若能加上一些经济学领域的小例子或者一些特例，比如Chernobyl的泄漏事故啊，以体现人类驾驭新能源的能力还是不够成熟等等，就算是锦上添花了。
我很想拜一拜LZ这样的基本功扎实的人，我决定写一篇一样题目的文章，希望LZ有空可以给我一拍，也算是一来一往，在此先谢过～
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           DHHD
下面放上批过的文章：
Although there is a rapid growth of using renewable resources such as solar energy, wind forces（少个逗号）etc., I somehow disagree with the hypothesis presented in the subject. We can see certain facts at this time which show the time of fossil fuels being replaced has not yet come to us.
Applying renewable resources into practice has some limitations. We use wind to actuate windmills only in wide, flat plains where strong wind goes through very often; otherwise the windmills （couldn't）（感觉用won’t更恰当一点，LZ自己斟酌） generate electricity. And taking advantage of the solar energy isn't so efficient that it can just be applied to some machinery using less power. Adversely, fossil fuels like petroleum and coal can be easily used in trains or automobiles. It's hard to imagine how a car can use wind forces to start its engine.

Renewable fuels limitation also imitates its young age comparing to the years of the technology development aiming at fossil fuels' utility. It has been just some decades since humans begun to realize the significance of energy saving and turned to researching those renewable fuels' application. As a result, motivation technology in the renewable resources field has not yet been mature（and）（并列的否定语气应该用or） it cannot keep up with the high pace of modern life, which regards speed （or）（and是不是更好一些？） efficiency as its principle. （It）（仔细品味这个句子，it有一点指代不明，不知道是指principle还是modern life，此处易引起误解，索性不如直接将这个句子并入上句，组成一个长句，反而更显LZ驾驭长句的本领～） obviously shows us that renewable fuels replacing traditional fossil resources still has a long way to go.

What takes the transition even a longer time is people’s lifestyle. Being accustomed to traditional fuels, （it’s）（精细的语法结构，这个句子的主语是get used to…这个不能和being搭配吧？） difficult for us to get used to this new fuels so swiftly. As （we all）（感觉有点别扭） can see, renewable resources has advantage（此处建议用复数） over fossil fuels, however it has weakness（同样建议改成复数） as well, for example, inefficiency as I mentioned above. What we see is the international oil price has raised so much attention of experts, economics, even political officers, which reflects a fact that oil is so crucial that we can’t leave it for （one day）（one day的标准意思是“过去或者将来的某一天”，此处建议改成every single day，强调每日的重要性。）.

A worldwide sustainable development needs a wide spread of renewable energy application, but we must （still）（建议换个位置，放在这里别扭） see this （initial）（按我对您文章的理解，这里应该用current，不知道您是怎么想的） state now we are in. Though that renewable fuels （replace）（我觉得改成replacing更合适，你是想用一个句子做主语，但是这里不如索性将整个成分名词化，读来更加连贯，也更符合英文的习惯，不知LZ如何考虑？） traditional fuels is not a legend, only by developing the technology of renewable resource step by step, can we reach that destination.

雪羽酒UID: 2515193

DHHD过奖啦~我只是觉得这篇恰好比较有话说。  从你的文字和评价，我倒觉得你很厉害啊！ 你的作文我一定会回拍的~，只不过我是新手，修改水平就请包涵了

[ 本帖最后由 雪羽酒 于 2008-8-18 08:58 编辑 ]

meaninghanUID: 2512532

论点层层递进，写的真好

Although there is a rapid growth of using renewable resources such as solar energy, wind forces etc.（记得哪里曾经说过作文里最好不要有etc这类简写和非正式语言，比如I'M,CAN'T), I somehow disagree with the hypothesis presented in the subject. We can see certain facts at this time which show the time of fossil fuels being replaced has not yet come to us.

|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE/n/],A3Pt4_H%g

Applying renewable resources into practice has some limitations. We use wind to actuate windmills only in wide, flat plains where strong wind goes through very often, otherwise the windmills couldn't generate electricity. And taking advantage of the solar energy isn't so efficient that it can just be applied to some machinery using less power. Adversely, fossil fuels like petroleum and coal can be easily used in trains or automobiles(能否小小地做个解释？）. It's hard to imagine how a car can use wind forces to start its engine.语句真清晰，佩服。

z

Renewable fuels limitation also imitates （不明白这个意思？according with？）its young age comparing to the years of the technology development aiming at fossil fuels' utility. It has been just some decades since humans begun to realize the significance of energy saving and turned to researching（turn to中的to是介词？望给予确切答复，谢谢） those renewable fuels' application. As a result, motivation technology in the renewable resources field has not yet been mature and it cannot keep up with the high （quick）pace of modern life, which regards speed or efficiency as its principle. It obviously shows us that renewable fuels replacing traditional fossil resources still has a long way to go.

$gLz.R5B J*R|6\
寄托家园)bho`G

What takes the transition even a longer time is people’s lifestyle. Being accustomed to traditional fuels, it’s difficult for us to get used to this new fuels so swiftly（赞）. As we all can see, renewable resources has advantage（s） over fossil fuels, however it has weakness as well, for example, inefficiency as I mentioned above. What we see is the international oil price has raised so much attention of experts, economics, even political officers, which reflects a fact that oil is so crucial that we can’t leave it for one day.（这句话没有提点出和people's lifestyle之间的关联）

A worldwide sustainable development needs a wide spread of renewable energy application, but we must still see （读着感觉有点奇怪）this initial state now we are in. Though that renewable fuels replace traditional fuels is not a legend, only by developing the technology of renewable resource step by step, can we reach that destination.

雪羽酒UID: 2515193

Applying renewable resources into practice has some limitations. We use wind to actuate windmills only in wide, flat plains where strong wind goes through very often, otherwise the windmills couldn't generate electricity. And taking advantage of the solar energy isn't so efficient that it can just be applied to some machinery using less power. Adversely, fossil fuels like petroleum and coal can be easily used in trains or automobiles(能否小小地做个解释？是说这里应该再展开一点吗）. It's hard to imagine how a car can use wind forces to start its engine.

寄托家园:~
EII&p}|GL
z

Renewable fuels limitation also imitates （不明白这个意思？according with？应该是intimate...我错了:o 。。）its young age comparing to the years of the technology development aiming at fossil fuels' utility. It has been just some decades since humans begun to realize the significance of energy saving and turned to researching（turn to中的to是介词？是介词,turn to sb, turn to page 4） those renewable fuels' application. As a result, motivation technology in the renewable resources field has not yet been mature and it cannot keep up with the high （quick）pace of modern life, which regards speed or efficiency as its principle. It obviously shows us that renewable fuels replacing traditional fossil resources still has a long way to go.

|GRE4t;d}h6_(L!s$R

What takes the transition even a longer time is people’s lifestyle. Being accustomed to traditional fuels, it’s difficult for us to get used to this new fuels so swiftly（赞）. As we all can see, renewable resources has advantage（s） over fossil fuels, however it has weakness as well, for example, inefficiency as I mentioned above. What we see is the international oil price has raised so much attention of experts, economics, even political officers,because the petroleum expenditure takes up quite a large percentage in their daily cost, which reflects a fact that oil is so crucial that we can’t leave it for one day.（这句话没有提点出和people's lifestyle之间的关联）

|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREjH e/v8v

A worldwide sustainable development needs a wide spread of renewable energy application, but we must also see this initial state now we are in. Though that renewable fuels replace traditional fuels is not a legend, only by developing the technology of renewable resource step by step, can we reach that destination.

zhhaizhUID: 2425858

What we see is the international oil price has raised so much attention of experts, economics(economists), even political officers, which reflects a fact that oil is so crucial that we can’t leave it for one day.

Renewable fuels limitation also imitates （不明白这个意思？according with？应该是intimate...我错了:o 。。我还是不理解这句啥意思耶:confused: ）its young age comparing to the years of the technology development aiming at fossil fuels' utility.

[ 本帖最后由 zhhaizh 于 2008-8-21 09:33 编辑 ]

雪羽酒UID: 2515193

intimate: vt.宣布,明白表示