第一次发作文，跪求修改，大侠们瞧瞧

wing6688UID: 2371516

One recent survey conducted by educational experts indicates that majority of students who graduating from high school choose to go to university for furthering their education. And the issue why people choose to attend to university or college has been brought to public attention. Arguing for gaining more special major information are those people who hold the opinion that nothing is more important than knowledge in modern society. Different people have different idea on the problem. From my point of view, except studying in various courses, people have the opportunity to get new experience and practice their integrative ability during university period.

To start with, certainly, to learning new knowledge is an essential reason why people attend to college. We now live in a modern society; knowledge is to people what the foundation is to a skyscraper. Through the systemic studying in college, people will be relatively easy to acquire a wide range of new skills. Frankly speaking, people can not only studying their major course in professorial lecture, but also be able to find some interesting skills in elective curriculum. In addition to them, if people had enough time, they could study nearly everything in college library, such as history, mathematics, chemistry, art, literature, and the list will go on.

Another contributing cause of attending university is to gain new experience. For most of students,
Parents take more attention to their life and study; even in trivial issue such as what food have been to eat. Attending university is the first time to those students to study independent. In addition, the campus of university is totally different from that of high school, advanced computer lab, modern library and interesting community event. When student passed a long, boring time of high schools life, isn’t it necessary that they take some enjoyment in wonderful college campus.

Notwithstanding, the most important reason is that college life provide people with more opportunity to increase their abilities of how to cope with complicated problem that they have even seem. Such as how to keep a harmonious relationship in dormitory between roommates, how to study by themselves in a relatively effective method, How convince other people who hold different opinions in class discussion, and the list will go on. To some degree, university is nearly similar with real society. It is a undoubted that the ability mastered in university is a useful preparation when student play an social role.

Considering all evidence above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the significant reasons why people attending university or college are get new experience, obtain advanced knowledge and learn how to be mature.

kingszhou08UID: 2568478

One recent survey conducted by educational experts indicates that （这里应该加定冠词the）majority of students who graduating（用原型graduate） from high school choose to go to university for furthering their education.(目的状语应该由介词to来引导，用to further their education更好) And the issue why people choose to attend to university or college(这里不需要介词to,直接attend university) has been brought to public attention. Arguing for gaining more special major information are those people who hold the opinion that nothing is more important than knowledge in modern society. Different people have different idea(用复数ideas) on the problem. From my point of view,（固定短语in my point of view）except studying in various courses,(应该使用except for表示除以外) people have the opportunity to get new experience and practice their integrative ability during university period.(这里用in university就可以了，简洁地道一些）
]

To start with, certainly, to learning new knowledge(这里做主语的要么是learning new knowledge要么是to learn knowledge不可混用) is an essential reason why people attend to（错误同第一段中）college. We now live in a modern society; knowledge is to people what the foundation is to a skyscraper. Through the systemic studying in college, people will be relatively easy to acquire a wide range of new skills.（应该改为/it will be easy for people to acquire a wide range of knowledge，否则原句提取主干有问题） Frankly speaking, people can not only studying（情态动词之后用动词原形study） their major course in professorial lecture, but also be able to find some interesting skills in elective curriculum.(not only but also应接对等成分，这里去掉be able to) In addition to them,(直接用in addition就够了) if people had enough time, they could study nearly everything in college library, such as history, mathematics, chemistry, art, literature, and the list will go on.(后面有点罗嗦了，前面列举的东西加上and literature就行了，后面的去掉)

Another contributing cause of attending university is to gain new experience. For most of （要么用most of the students 要么用most students）students, 寄托家园dv\
I-fI*PParents take more attention to (pay attention to 才是固定用法，动词错了)their life and study; even in trivial issue such as what food have been to eat（改为what food to eat）. Attending university is the first time to(介词改为for) those students to study independent.（改为learn to be independent或者learn independence） In addition, the campus of university(直接用campus life简洁一点) is totally different from that of high school, advanced computer lab, modern library and interesting community event.（这一部分是做difference的举例吗？是的话应该有举例的提示词，要不这几个并列短语在这里句子里面做什么成分？） When student passed a long, boring time of high schools life,（after gone though the boring high school life更简洁） isn’t it necessary that they take some enjoyment（用entertainment更好） in wonderful college campus.

   HNotwithstanding, the most important reason is that college life provide people with more opportunity to increase their abilities of how to cope with complicated problem that they have even seem.（这句有点混乱啊，应该简化一下） Such as how to keep a harmonious relationship in dormitory between roommates, how to study by themselves in a relatively effective method, How（少个to）convince other people who hold different opinions in class discussion, and the list will go on.(and the list will go on 都可以不要……) To some degree, university is nearly similar（直接用similar 或者almost the same） with real society. It is a(去掉a) undoubted that the ability mastered in university is a useful preparation when student play an social role. (abilities will be useful when……或者mastering these useful abilities is a good preparation……)

%IConsidering all evidence（the evidences） above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the significant reasons why people attending university or college are get new experience, obtain advanced knowledge and learn how to be mature.(两种修改方式getting ,obtaining, learning,或者to get ,to obtain, to learn)

楼主因该注意以下几点：
1.       动名词和动词不定式的使用，尤其在做主语的时候
2.       句子该简化时要简化，避免由于堆砌造成的结构混乱
3.       固定句型以及短语应该记忆清楚，避免使用时出错
以上是我的一些建议～呵呵～

kingszhou08UID: 2568478

One recent survey conducted by educational experts indicates that （这里应该加定冠词the）majority of students who graduating（用原型graduate） from high school choose to go to university for furthering their education.(目的状语应该由介词to来引导，用to further their education更好) And the issue why people choose to attend to university or college(这里不需要介词to,直接attend university) has been brought to public attention. Arguing for gaining more special major information are those people who hold the opinion that nothing is more important than knowledge in modern society. Different people have different idea(用复数ideas) on the problem. From my point of view,（固定短语in my point of view）except studying in various courses,(应该使用except for表示除以外) people have the opportunity to get new experience and practice their integrative ability during university period.(这里用in university就可以了，简洁地道一些）

]

To start with, certainly, to learning new knowledge(这里做主语的要么是learning new knowledge要么是to learn knowledge不可混用) is an essential reason why people attend to（错误同第一段中）college. We now live in a modern society; knowledge is to people what the foundation is to a skyscraper. Through the systemic studying in college, people will be relatively easy to acquire a wide range of new skills.（应该改为/it will be easy for people to acquire a wide range of knowledge，否则原句提取主干有问题） Frankly speaking, people can not only studying（情态动词之后用动词原形study） their major course in professorial lecture, but also be able to find some interesting skills in elective curriculum.(not only but also应接对等成分，这里去掉be able to) In addition to them,(直接用in addition就够了) if people had enough time, they could study nearly everything in college library, such as history, mathematics, chemistry, art, literature, and the list will go on.(后面有点罗嗦了，前面列举的东西加上and literature就行了，后面的去掉)

Another contributing cause of attending university is to gain new experience. For most of （要么用most of the students 要么用most students）students, 寄托家园dv\
I-fI*PParents take more attention to (pay attention to 才是固定用法，动词错了)their life and study; even in trivial issue such as what food have been to eat（改为what food to eat）. Attending university is the first time to(介词改为for) those students to study independent.（改为learn to be independent或者learn independence） In addition, the campus of university(直接用campus life简洁一点) is totally different from that of high school, advanced computer lab, modern library and interesting community event.（这一部分是做difference的举例吗？是的话应该有举例的提示词，要不这几个并列短语在这里句子里面做什么成分？） When student passed a long, boring time of high schools life,（after gone though the boring high school life更简洁） isn’t it necessary that they take some enjoyment（用entertainment更好） in wonderful college campus.

Notwithstanding, the most important reason is that college life provide people with more opportunity to increase their abilities of how to cope with complicated problem that they have even seem.（这句有点混乱啊，应该简化一下） Such as how to keep a harmonious relationship in dormitory between roommates, how to study by themselves in a relatively effective method, How（少个to）convince other people who hold different opinions in class discussion, and the list will go on.(and the list will go on 都可以不要……) To some degree, university is nearly similar（直接用similar 或者almost the same） with real society. It is a(去掉a) undoubted that the ability mastered in university is a useful preparation when student play an social role. (abilities will be useful when……或者mastering these useful abilities is a good preparation……)

%IConsidering all evidence（the evidences） above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the significant reasons why people attending university or college are get new experience, obtain advanced knowledge and learn how to be mature.(两种修改方式getting ,obtaining, learning,或者to get ,to obtain, to learn)

楼主因该注意以下几点：
1.       动名词和动词不定式的使用，尤其在做主语的时候
2.       句子该简化时要简化，避免由于堆砌造成的结构混乱
3.       固定句型以及短语应该记忆清楚，避免使用时出错
以上是我的一些建议～呵呵～

kingszhou08UID: 2568478

修改的地方忘记改成红色的了～不好意思哈～

wing6688UID: 2371516

太谢谢啦，受益良多
不过请问下，我在一些作文书上经常看到 from my point of view, 它和 in the point of view 有什么区别呢？

kingszhou08UID: 2568478

我又查了些资料～发现介词from也可以，具体信息如下～
point of view 在较新的词典上是个独立的词条：

《麦克米伦高阶》：

From my point of view, the president hasn't done enough to help poor people.

From the point of view of safety, the proposed measures are a significant improvement.

《牛津6版》：

From my point of view（=As far as i'm concerned) the party was a complete success.

These statistics are important from an ecological point of view.

From the point of view of higher education, the cuts will be a disaster.

《朗文当代英语大辞典》：

From the government's point of view it would be better if this information were kept secret.

Try to look at it from their point of view.

in my point of view在国内很多文章里可以看到。

wing6688UID: 2371516

kingszhou08,thank you!