【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】 by yuanyua@ 12月22日作文

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

When it comes to the ability of cooperation, quite a few would claim that people needed this ability in the past. However, in my opinion, nowadays humans need it more and more.

First of all, modern society is featured as cooperation and challenge. For example, environment crisis such as the shortage of water supply, the pollution from the exhausts of cars, buses, and so forth. These problems are beyond individuals’ effort. Thus, various nations come together to explore a rich broth of possibilities solving these. Provided that people lake of the ability to connection and cooperation among countries, it would hold less probability for humans in different countries to share their common efforts for the better of our planet. In short, the importance of this ability cannot be ignored.

In addition, the ability of cooperation is to humans what water is to fish since everyone would times when facing difficulties and needing help from others. In my experience, as I am an interior designer, I often feel frustrated when I complete a project by my own, reasoning that I have to play various roles – including a art professional to make a representation in front of my clients as well as a market manager to persuade them to purchase my design – at the same time, and I really need the cooperation with others. Thus, I could focus specially on my interior design, and others could explore ways to persuade clients. In conclusion, it is a must to people to have the ability to cooperate with others.

Of course, the ability to cooperate is necessary in the ancient times when people could not survive without others’ cooperation confronting with the severe nature. For instance, people came together to hint a large game, and shared their food with their infants and older people.

By and large, there is a rhyme and reason that the ability to cooperate is more significant in modern times than that in the past.



[ 本帖最后由 yuanyuan@560806 于 2008-12-22 21:53 编辑 ]

xlwxxyUID: 2568970

When it comes to the ability of cooperation, quite a few would claim that people needed this ability in the past. However, in my opinion, nowadays humans need it more and more.(太简单，没讲到原因为什么和现在有更紧密关系)

First of all, modern society is featured as cooperation and challenge. For example, environment crisis such as the shortage of water supply, the pollution from the exhausts of cars, buses, and so forth. These problems are beyond individuals’ effort. Thus, various nations come together to explore a rich broth（？） of possibilities solving these. Provided that people lake of the ability to connection and cooperation among countries, it would hold less probability for humans in different countries to share their common efforts for the better of our planet. In short, the importance of this ability cannot be ignored.

In addition, the ability of cooperation is to humans what water is to fish since everyone would times when facing difficulties and needing help from others. In my experience, as I am an interior designer, I often feel frustrated when I complete a project by my own, reasoning that I have to play various roles – including a art professional to make a representation in front of my clients as well as a market manager to persuade them to purchase my design – at the same time, and I really need the cooperation with others. Thus, I could focus specially on my interior design, and others could explore ways to persuade clients. In conclusion, it is a must to people to have the ability to cooperate with others.

Of course, the ability to cooperate is necessary in the ancient times when people could not survive without others’ cooperation confronting with the severe nature. For instance, people came together to hint a large game, and shared their food with their infants and older people.

By and large, there is a rhyme and reason that the ability to cooperate is more significant in modern times than that in the past.
例子还可以，注意和现在联系，最后一个可以不要。
留意单词用法。有些让我觉得莫名其妙。

[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2008-12-23 08:41 编辑 ]

hustly0415UID: 2407456

When it comes to the ability of cooperation, quite a few would claim that people needed this ability in the past. However, in my opinion, nowadays humans need it more and more.（从你开头本来想表达的意思来看，本来还是很好的，不过，感觉句子好像说的不完整。）

First of all, modern society is featured as(赞！) cooperation and challenge. For example, environment crisis such as the shortage of water supply, the pollution from the exhausts of cars, buses, and so forth. These problems are beyond individuals’ effort. Thus, various nations come together to explore a rich broth of possibilities solving these (加个issue 或problem的话，音节上好像要完整些). Provided that people lake of (lack)the ability to connection and cooperation(connect and cooperate) among countries(对这句的意思不是很理解，不过，如果是说个人之间跨国界的合作的话，是不是用 cooperate beyond countries?), it would hold less probability for humans in different countries to share their common efforts for the better of our planet. In short, the importance of this ability cannot be ignored.

In addition, the ability of cooperation is to humans what water is to fish since everyone would times when facing difficulties and needing help from others.(这个句子好像有点不通…) In my experience, as I am an interior designer, I often feel frustrated when I complete a project by my own, reasoning that I have to play various roles – including a(n) art professional to make a representation in front of my clients as well as a market manager to persuade them(them的指代不明确，换成consumers/clients 是不是要好一些。) to purchase my design – at the same time, and I really need the cooperation with others. Thus, I could focus specially on my interior design, and others could explore ways to persuade clients. In conclusion, it is a must to(for) people to have the ability to cooperate with others.

Of course, the ability to cooperate is necessary in the ancient times when people could not survive without others’ cooperation confronting with the severe nature(感觉要在前面加一个引导词就比较顺口些，比如，especially when …). For instance, people came together to hint a large game, and shared their food with their infants and older people.

By and large, there is a rhyme and reason that the ability to cooperate is more significant in modern times than that in the past.


个人觉得，文章中使用的例子不错，在举例的时候，也有适当的说理，这点我觉得很好。不过，文章当中，好像有些句子不通，这个可能是作者限时写作的原因，我们都多注意些，应该会很快提高的。

个人意见，评论得不恰当的地方，多包含，呵呵。

yuanyuan@560806UID: 2513323

:handshake  太中肯了，谢谢这么详尽的评析，收益了