argument56 同主题第八期，欢迎互拍～！

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

TOPIC: ARGUMENT56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.


Before hastily concluding that the value of the two kinds of statures will vary based on the new discovery of the archeologist, the author needs to provide more evidence and consider some other factors.

First of all, the discovery of the molds of human heads and hands does not necessarily mean that the Kalinese artist used mold of human to create the life-size statue. Since no evidence shows the discovered molds are used for the statue, they can possibly used for the single creation for the heads or hands. Even if they are used for the statue, we can not conclude that the whole body of the statue is produced by mold. It is entirely possible that the other parts of the body such as the legs are sculpted.

Provided that the life-size clay statues are produced by molds of the actual bodies, we cannot conclude that the sculpting tools at that time are less, although few of them have been found. Since the miniature statues were abstract, chances are that they are sculpted by tools. The reason for the few discoveries of the tools maybe the tools are already destroyed as the progressing of time.

Finally, the author unfairly concludes that the value of the life-size statue will decrease and the miniature will increase. Although the mold method will facilitate the process of the creation, which possibly leads to the large number of the life-size statues, the existing number of them is not provided. It is possible that it is rather small, for example, only tens of them exist nowadays. Also, maybe the number of the miniature is rather large, 1000 for example. Although the miniature has different style and more abstract, the number of it possibly cause the decrease of its value. Another possible is that maybe the artists nowadays do not like the abstract style. Instead, they prefer the life-size statue.

In order to substantiate his assertion, the author need to provide more convincing evidence such as the attitude of the people who concern about the statue-whether they prefer the miniature to the life-size sculptures.

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

提纲：
1 不能由发现了手和脑袋的模具推测出整个雕像都是由模具做出来的。
2 即使是大雕像是由模具制造出来的，不能推出那个时候的雕刻工具很少。
3 不能说大雕像价值会降低，而小雕像则会上升。因为他们存世的数目作者没有告知，而且收藏家的观点是否因为这个发现而改变也不知道

Before hastily concluding that the value of the two kinds of statures will vary based on the new discovery of the archeologist, the author needs to provide more convincing evidence and consider some other factors.

First of all, the discovery of the molds of human heads and hands does not necessarily mean that the Kalinese artist used mold of human to create the life-size statue. Since no evidence shows the discovered molds are used for the statue, they can possibly used for the single artistic creation for the heads or hands. Even if they are used for the statue, we can not conclude that the whole body of the statue is produced by mold. It is entirely possible that the other parts of the body such as the legs are sculpted.

Provided that the life-size clay statues are produced by molds of the actual bodies, we cannot conclude that the sculpting tools at that time are less, although few of them have been found. Since the miniature statues were abstract, chances are that they are sculpted by tools. The reason for the few discoveries of the tools maybe they are already destroyed as the progressing of time.

Finally, based on the dubious fact that life-size statues are produced by mold while the miniature by the tools, the author unfairly concludes that the value of the life-size statue will decrease and the miniature will increase. Although the mold method will facilitate the process of the creation, which possibly leads to the large number of the life-size statues, the existing number of them is not provided. It is possible that it is rather small, for example, only tens of them exist nowadays. Also, compared with the life-size ones, maybe the number of the miniature is rather large, 1000 for example. Although the miniature has different style and more abstract, the great number of it possibly cause the decrease of its value. Also, no evidence is provided for the opinion of the collectors who prize the life-size statue upon this discovery. A possible result might be that they still love the life-size ones for their realistic precision, while they may abhor the abstract style of the miniature. All this might lead to a result opposite to what the author asserts.

In order to substantiate his assertion, the author need to provide more convincing evidence to show that the life-size statues are indeed produced by the discovered molds. He also needs to investigate the existing numbers of the two kinds of statues, and the opinions of the collectors on the discovery.

jallineUID: 2192970

take a seat

jallineUID: 2192970

Before hastily concluding that the value of the two kinds of statures will vary based on the new discovery of the archeologist, the author needs to provide more convincing evidence and consider some other factors.

First of all, the discovery of the molds of human heads and hands does not necessarily mean that the Kalinese artist used mold of human to create the life-size statue. Since no evidence shows the discovered molds are used for the statue[和TS重复了, 我觉得最好删], they can [be] possibly used for the single artistic creation for the heads or hands. Even if they are used for the statue, we can not conclude that the whole body of the statue is produced by mold. It is entirely possible that the other parts of the body such as the legs are sculpted.

Provided that the life-size clay statues are produced by molds of the actual bodies, we cannot conclude that the sculpting tools at that time are less[这个词不合适 scant/scarce], although few of them have been found. Since the miniature statues were abstract, chances are that they are sculpted by tools. [??这个因果关系不一定吧]The reason for the few discoveries of the tools maybe they are already destroyed as the progressing[elapsing] of time. [论证sculpting tools的多少并不能直接用于削弱作者的论断, 我觉得这一点主要还是应该去驳”life-size没有用tools”的观点.]

Finally, based on the dubious fact that life-size statues are produced by mold while the miniature by the tools, the author unfairly concludes that the value of the life-size statue will decrease and the miniature will increase. Although the mold method will facilitate the process of the creation, which possibly leads to the large number of the life-size statues, the existing number of them is not provided.[我觉得这句没必要, 直接说可能数量稀少就可以了] It is possible that it is rather small, for example, only tens of them exist nowadays. Also, compared with the life-size ones, maybe the number of the miniature is rather large, 1000 for example. Although the miniature has different style and more abstract, the great number of it possibly cause the decrease of[depreciate/devalue 能用动词的地方最好直接用动词表达] its value. Also, no evidence is provided for the opinion of the collectors who prize the life-size statue upon this discovery. A possible result might be that they still love[prefer更好一些, 有对比的意味] the life-size ones for their realistic precision, while they may abhor the abstract style of the miniature[我觉得哈, 这后半句多余了]. All this might lead to a result opposite to what the author asserts.

In order to substantiate his assertion, the author need to provide more convincing evidence to show that the life-size statues are indeed produced by the discovered molds. He also needs to investigate the existing numbers of the two kinds of statues, and the opinions of the collectors on the discovery.

[gter提倡的写法都是段内应该小结一下, lz似乎不是很注意, 2,3段都没有段内小结
句子有些冗余, 总体还好, +U+U]

jallineUID: 2192970

另外你提到的我的第三段的问题一针见血, 谢谢, 我改过如下:
Secondly, it is a simplistic notion to deem that the few sculpting tools unearthed indicates that the ancient Kalinese rarely use sculpting tools. As yet, although there remains few such tools found, this is possible owing to the restricted technology of the archeology methods. Or these tools are prone to decay as time goes by, then men could detect nothing but the sand. Moreover, granted that the Kalinese seldom use the sculpting tools, nonetheless, the molds shall not be the only resort. Taking into account the procedure of these life-size clay statues remaining unknown, chance is that, they do not need many tools to finish the task of sculpting such statues at all, for instance by hand. All doubts above attest to the would-be falsehood of the author's contention.

hudifengUID: 189776

我想给你改的，但居然有人快我一步
楼上已经给你批的很好了，的确LZ没有注意段内小结，所以论证不充分的感觉，你要抓住要主要谬误多展开

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

感谢两位，我去改改，待会贴上来~!

fenghua9801UID: 2191885

Before hastily concluding that the value of the two kinds of statures will vary based on the new discovery of the archeologist, the author needs to provide more convincing evidence and consider some other factors.

First of all, the author unfairly assumes that the discovered molds of human heads and hands are utilized to create the life-size statue. It is possible that they are used for the single artistic creation for the heads or hands. Even if they are used for the statue, we can not conclude that the whole body of the statue is produced by mold. Maybe the other parts of the body such as the legs are sculpted. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author can not conclude that the life-size statue is created by molds.

Secondly, the scare of unearthed sculpting tools does not necessarily indicate that the Kalinese use less of them. Provided that the life-size clay statues are produced by molds of the actual bodies, since they are very precise, it is entirely possible that Kalinese use sculpting tools to modify specific parts of the statue after molding process. And the reason for the few discoveries of the tools maybe they are already destroyed as the elapsing of time. Thus, the author needs to provide substantial evidence to prove the lack use of the sculpting tools at that time.

Finally, based on the dubious fact that life-size statues are produced by mold while the miniature by the tools, the author unfairly concludes that the value of the life-size statue will decrease and the miniature will increase. Although the mold method will facilitate the process of the creation, which possibly leads to the large number of the life-size statues, the existing number of them is possibly rather small, for example, only tens of them exist nowadays. Also, compared with the life-size ones, maybe the number of the miniature is rather large, 1000 for example. Although the miniature has different style and is more abstract, the great number of it may possibly results in depreciation. Also, no evidence is provided for the opinion of the collectors who prize the life-size statue upon this discovery. A possible result might be that they still prefer the life-size ones for their realistic precision. All this might lead to a result opposite to what the author asserts.

In order to substantiate his assertion, the author need to provide more convincing evidence to show that the life-size statues are indeed produced by the discovered molds. He also needs to investigate the existing numbers of the two kinds of statues and the opinions of the collectors on the discovery.



感谢你们提出的宝贵意见～！

pewcg8UID: 2143213

很欣赏楼主这种一丝不苟的精神,我觉得你的思路和我的可以很好的互补.呵呵,祝考试好运!

pewcg8UID: 2143213

再次修改你的修改版,不用回拍了.
Before hastily concluding that the value of the two kinds of statures will vary (这个词用的好,用的是vi的义项,可以替换change)based on the new discovery of the archeologist, the author needs to provide more convincing evidence and consider some other factors.(提醒你一个问题,建议把你开头段的最后一句写成一个明确指出原文最主要推论的Thesis这样比较符合学术文章的写作习惯,像这样不restate原文的做法值得提倡)

First of all, the author unfairly assumes that the discovered molds of human heads and hands are utilized to create the life-size statue. It is possible that they are used for the single artistic creation for the heads or hands.(此句表意不是很清楚,两个for的近距离重复影响了句意的流畅程度) Even if they are used for the statue, we can not conclude that the whole body of the statue is produced by mold. Maybe the other parts of the body such as the (去掉,尽量减少the的出现.)legs are sculpted. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author can not conclude that the life-size statue is created by molds.

Secondly, the scare of unearthed sculpting tools does not necessarily indicate that the Kalinese use less of them. Provided that the life-size clay statues are produced by molds of the actual bodies, since they are very precise, it is entirely possible that Kalinese use sculpting tools to modify specific parts of the statue after molding process.(好句!) And the reason for the few discoveries of the tools maybe they are already destroyed as (注意搭配,用with)the elapsing of time. Thus, the author needs to provide substantial evidence to prove the lack use of the sculpting tools at that time.

Finally, based on the dubious fact that life-size statues are produced by mold while the miniature by the tools, the author unfairly concludes that the value of the life-size statue will decrease and the miniature will increase. Although the mold method will facilitate the process of the creation, which possibly leads to the large number of the life-size statues, the existing number of them is possibly rather small, for example, only tens of them exist nowadays. Also, compared with the life-size ones, maybe the number of the miniature is rather large, 1000 for example. Although the miniature has different style and is more abstract, the great number of it may possibly results in depreciation. Also, no evidence is provided for the opinion of the collectors who prize the life-size statue upon this discovery. A possible result might be that they still prefer the life-size ones for their realistic precision. All this might lead to a result opposite to what the author asserts.

In order to substantiate his assertion, the author need to provide more convincing evidence to show that the life-size statues are indeed produced by the discovered molds. He also needs to investigate the existing numbers of the two kinds of statues and the opinions of the collectors on the discovery.

总结:
1.总体是好文章，语言简练,结构清楚.
2.注意Thesis的问题,还有句意清晰.最好写完把句子再读读.
3.用词很好!总的说是好文章,思路很不错!
这样的文章,拿到考场,分数应该很理想,祝好运.