Issue38 第二篇，自己改过，长了点。大家来看看，欢迎抛砖！！

cloudbirdUID: 208021

Issue38  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

------题目------
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
------正文------
Dose reading books have became less and less important as it once was since the advent of television, can people learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books, as the speaker maintains above? In my point of view, although we can get a lot of vivid and direct information from watching television, however, I strongly insist that reading books will continue to serve us as the most important way of getting information and learning useful knowledge.

Admittedly, with some of its advantages, television can provide us with plentiful information in a vivid way which can hardly be provided by reading books .for example, it may be that only by the television program can the beauteous scenery of the Zhang Jiajie National Forest Park be well shown for most of audiences who have never been there. The series of moving images of the old forest, the grotesque mountains and the flowing limpid water in the Mongdong River, together with the sweet sound of birds and insects, can give every audience a sense of dulcet enjoyness. However, when it turns to one to just read a book about them, what she or he can get might just some resting images, or even just an uncertain imagination when there was no picture in the these books. This illustrates that television always gives us direct and vivid images of some information, and that it is the perfect combination of the beautiful images and the vivid sound that makes television to be a good way of getting some kinds of information.

However, excepted for the advantages discussed above, in many situations, the information provided by television is limited in several aspects when compare to the reading books.

On the one hand, one can just passively receive the information television provided, and has little choose of the very programs she or he wants to watch. When a person is eager to get some information about the history of the Civil War, for instance, it is very likely that there are no channels showing some programs of this historic event at that time; or even some channels happen to show this kinds of programs, what they provide might be some of the impacts of the war to the whole society, not the military process of the war which is the very information she or he just wants to know. While, for the reading books, it may turn to be much easier for one to get the information she or he needs. For example, she or he can borrow these books involving this information in a library, or buy them in bookshops, or obtain them form other ways. In other words, in most of the time, it is only by the reading books that one is able to get some kinds of information and learning some new things on his or her own initiative.

On the another hand, when it turns to examine what kinds of information television programs often provide, we will find that, most of the television programs in contemporary society usually something of making people funny, or something representation some kinds of hollow, stupid, banal, and childish lives, which can give people no sureness of knowledge. In addition, nowadays audiences have to suffer form more and more advertisings’ frequently interruption when they are watching a program, which usually cannot add them with any new information. While compared with most of the television programs are of insignificant, most of reading books provide us with an effective way to learn the most useful knowledge, from how did human binges evolve, and how could a mathematical formula be deduced, to which mountain is the highest one in the world and when did the Second World War take place and so on. Therefore, it might be the reading books, not the television programs that can be regarded as the biggest treasure of information and knowledge.

In conclusion, though television has some advantages at providing information to some extent, it can hardly outweigh reading books as the most important means for people getting information and knowledge. Whenever one is not sure about something, what she or he firstly wants to do might be to refer to some books, seldom to watch some TV programs.

iPodUID: 2105485

我帮你看看吧
我改得有点慢
但会尽快拍给你的！
我的连接啊
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

cloudbirdUID: 208021

先谢谢了！这个周末我也帮你看看。

iPodUID: 2105485

Dose reading books have became less and less important as it once was since the advent of television(缺谓语）, can people learn as much by watching television as they can（改成do会感觉好些） by reading books, as the speaker maintains above? （这句太长，以至弱化你的观点）In my point of view, although we can get a lot of vivid and direct information from watching television, however, I strongly insist that reading books will continue to serve us as the most important way of getting information and learning useful knowledge.

Admittedly（第二段就让步其实不符合老美的思维习惯，仅个人意见）, with some of its advantages, television can provide us with plentiful information in a vivid way which can hardly be provided by reading books .for（大写） example, it may be that only by the television program can the beauteous scenery of the Zhang Jiajie National Forest Park be well shown for most of audiences who have never been there. The series of moving images of the old forest, the grotesque mountains and the flowing limpid water in the Mongdong River, together with the sweet sound of birds and insects, can give every audience a sense of dulcet enjoyness.（哇，好美的一句哦，而且高级词汇好多！向你学习） However（其实应避免在段内强转，会给人太绝对的感觉）, when it turns to one to just read a book about them, what she or he can get might just some resting images, or even just an uncertain imagination when there was no picture in the these books. This illustrates that television always gives us direct and vivid images of some information, and that it is the perfect combination of the beautiful images and the vivid sound that makes television to be a good way of getting some kinds of information.（恩，很好的例子）

However, excepted for the advantages discussed above, in many situations, the information provided by television is limited in several aspects when compare to the reading books.（这一段起了承上启下的作用，不过不晓得在issue里这样用合不合适）

On the one hand, one can just passively receive the information television provided, and has little（改成few) choose of the very programs she or he wants to watch. When a person is eager to get some information about the history of the Civil War, for instance, it is very likely that there are no channels showing some programs of this historic event at that time; or even some channels happen to show this kinds of programs, what they provide might be some of the impacts of the war to the whole society, not the military process of the war which is the very information(这一段你用了三个very了，比较累赘，当表程度时试用pretty等不常用词汇） she or he just wants to know. While, for the （去掉the 以后不再提了)reading books, it may turn to be much easier for one to get the information she or he needs. For example, she or he can borrow these books involving this information in a library, or buy them in bookshops, or obtain them form other ways. In other words, in most of the time, it is only by the (去the)reading books that one is able to get some kinds of information and learning some new things on his or her own initiative.(觉得你这段第一个例子不错，但第二个好象和第一个重复了）

On the another hand, when it turns to （turns to用好多次了吧）examine what kinds of information television programs often provide, we will find that, most of the television programs in contemporary society usually something of making people funny（这里makes sb funny的用法值得商榷，知道你要表达的意思，但总觉得这个用法有些问题）, or something representation some kinds of hollow, stupid, banal, and childish lives, which can give people no sureness of knowledge. In addition, nowadays audiences have to suffer form（from) more and more advertisings’ frequently interruption （interruptions)when they are watching a program, which usually cannot add them with any new information. While compared with most of the television programs are of insignificant, most of reading books provide us with an effective way to learn the most useful knowledge, from how did human binges (beings)evolve, and how could a mathematical formula be deduced, to which mountain is the highest one in the world and when did the Second World War take place and so on. Therefore, it might be the reading books, not the television programs that can be regarded as the biggest treasure of information and knowledge.

In conclusion, though television has some advantages at providing information to some extent, it can hardly outweigh reading books as the most important means for people getting information and knowledge. Whenever one is not sure about something, what she or he firstly wants to do might be to refer to some books, seldom to watch some TV programs.



总结一下吧，感觉作者的破题不错，几个例子也很能支撑TS，而且作者的词汇量很大咧。连我这个英专大三的学生看起来都有时要借助词霸了。佩服佩服！但作者的语言功底有待提高，有些小毛病如冠词the的运用不太好，其实这也是很多新手易犯的毛病。不过加以时日会改掉的。总的来说这篇文章写得还不错，对第二篇来说以算很好了。提升的空间很大，不知你的考期。我8月1号考。临近的话一切努力啊！加油！！

iPodUID: 2105485

Dose reading books have became less and less important as it once was since the advent of television(缺谓语）, can people learn as much by watching television as they can（改成do会感觉好些） by reading books, as the speaker maintains above? （这句太长，以至弱化你的观点）In my point of view, although we can get a lot of vivid and direct information from watching television, however, I strongly insist that reading books will continue to serve us as the most important way of getting information and learning useful knowledge.

Admittedly（第二段就让步其实不符合老美的思维习惯，仅个人意见）, with some of its advantages, television can provide us with plentiful information in a vivid way which can hardly be provided by reading books .for（大写） example, it may be that only by the television program can the beauteous scenery of the Zhang Jiajie National Forest Park be well shown for most of audiences who have never been there. The series of moving images of the old forest, the grotesque mountains and the flowing limpid water in the Mongdong River, together with the sweet sound of birds and insects, can give every audience a sense of dulcet enjoyness.（哇，好美的一句哦，而且高级词汇好多！向你学习） However（其实应避免在段内强转，会给人太绝对的感觉）, when it turns to one to just read a book about them, what she or he can get might just some resting images, or even just an uncertain imagination when there was no picture in the these books. This illustrates that television always gives us direct and vivid images of some information, and that it is the perfect combination of the beautiful images and the vivid sound that makes television to be a good way of getting some kinds of information.（恩，很好的例子）

However, excepted for the advantages discussed above, in many situations, the information provided by television is limited in several aspects when compare to the reading books.（这一段起了承上启下的作用，不过不晓得在issue里这样用合不合适）

On the one hand, one can just passively receive the information television provided, and has little（改成few) choose of the very programs she or he wants to watch. When a person is eager to get some information about the history of the Civil War, for instance, it is very likely that there are no channels showing some programs of this historic event at that time; or even some channels happen to show this kinds of programs, what they provide might be some of the impacts of the war to the whole society, not the military process of the war which is the very information(这一段你用了三个very了，比较累赘，当表程度时试用pretty等不常用词汇） she or he just wants to know. While, for the （去掉the 以后不再提了)reading books, it may turn to be much easier for one to get the information she or he needs. For example, she or he can borrow these books involving this information in a library, or buy them in bookshops, or obtain them form other ways. In other words, in most of the time, it is only by the (去the)reading books that one is able to get some kinds of information and learning some new things on his or her own initiative.(觉得你这段第一个例子不错，但第二个好象和第一个重复了）

On the another hand, when it turns to （turns to用好多次了吧）examine what kinds of information television programs often provide, we will find that, most of the television programs in contemporary society usually something of making people funny（这里makes sb funny的用法值得商榷，知道你要表达的意思，但总觉得这个用法有些问题）, or something representation some kinds of hollow, stupid, banal, and childish lives, which can give people no sureness of knowledge. In addition, nowadays audiences have to suffer form（from) more and more advertisings’ frequently interruption （interruptions)when they are watching a program, which usually cannot add them with any new information. While compared with most of the television programs are of insignificant, most of reading books provide us with an effective way to learn the most useful knowledge, from how did human binges (beings)evolve, and how could a mathematical formula be deduced, to which mountain is the highest one in the world and when did the Second World War take place and so on. Therefore, it might be the reading books, not the television programs that can be regarded as the biggest treasure of information and knowledge.

In conclusion, though television has some advantages at providing information to some extent, it can hardly outweigh reading books as the most important means for people getting information and knowledge. Whenever one is not sure about something, what she or he firstly wants to do might be to refer to some books, seldom to watch some TV programs.



总结一下吧，感觉作者的破题不错，几个例子也很能支撑TS，而且作者的词汇量很大咧。连我这个英专大三的学生看起来都有时要借助词霸了。佩服佩服！但作者的语言功底有待提高，有些小毛病如冠词the的运用不太好，其实这也是很多新手易犯的毛病。不过加以时日会改掉的。总的来说这篇文章写得还不错，对第二篇来说以算很好了。提升的空间很大，不知你的考期。我8月1号考。临近的话一切努力啊！加油！！

iPodUID: 2105485

我的第三篇啊
有空的话帮我看看吧
不胜感激
你有新帖子就发连接给我
我帮你看！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

boomkingUID: 199156

Issue38  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

------题目------
In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.
------正文------
Dose reading books have <became>[become] less and less important as it once was since the advent of television, can people learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books, as the speaker maintains above?[这样的问句开头太长了] In my point of view, although we can get a lot of vivid and direct information from watching television, however, I strongly insist that reading books will continue to serve us as the most important way of getting information and learning useful knowledge.

Admittedly, with some of its advantages, television can provide us with plentiful information in a vivid way which can hardly be provided by reading books .for example, it may be that only by the television program can the beauteous scenery of the <Zhang Jiajie National Forest Park >[找个短点的美国名胜，个人观点]be well shown for most of audiences who have never been there. <The series of moving images of the old forest, the grotesque mountains and the flowing limpid water in the Mongdong River, together with the sweet sound of birds and insects, can give every audience a sense of dulcet enjoyness.>[享受呀，那个美呀！] However, when it turns to one< to just read a book about them>[不如用个定语从句], what she or he can get might just some resting images, or even just an uncertain imagination when there was no picture in <the> [去掉]these books. This illustrates that television always gives us direct and vivid images of some information, and that it is the perfect combination of the beautiful images and the vivid sound that makes television to be a good way of getting some kinds of information.[一般不建议在单独的段落中间用however这样的转折，段子一切论证都为它的单个论点服务。这里的对比论证，用个on the contrary或者in contrast吧]
However, excepted for the advantages discussed above, in many situations, the information provided by television is limited in several aspects <when compare to the reading books>[compare应该用被动语态].

On the one hand, one can just passively receive the information television provided, and has little choose of the very programs she or he wants to watch. When a person is eager to get some information about the history of the Civil War, for instance, it is very likely that there are no channels showing some programs of this historic event at that time; or even some channels happen to show this kinds of programs, [+but]what they <provide>[are providing] might be some of the impacts of the war to the whole society, not the military process of the war which is the very information she or he just wants to know. While, for the reading books, it may turn to be much easier for one to get the information she or he needs [+at any time]. For example, she or he can borrow these books involving this information in a library, or buy them in bookshops, or obtain them form other ways. In other words, in most of the time, it is only by the reading books that one <is able to get >[conveniently gets或者与时间方便有关系的，与论点更一致吧 ]some kinds of information and l<earning>[learns] some new things on his or her own initiative.

On the another hand, when it turns to examine what kinds of information television programs often provide, we will find that, most of the television programs in contemporary society usually [are] something <of>[去掉] making people funny, or something <representation> [representing]some kinds of hollow, stupid, banal, and childish lives, which can give people no sureness of knowledge. In addition, nowadays audiences have to suffer form more and more advertisings’ frequently interruption when they are watching a program, which usually cannot add them with any new information. While compared with most of the television programs< are of insignificant>[?], most of reading books provide us with an effective way to learn the most useful knowledge, from how <did>[去掉] human <binges >[beings]evolve, and how <could >a mathematical formula <be>[was] deduced, to which mountain is the highest one in the world and when <did >the Second World War <take>[took] place and so on. Therefore, it might be the reading books, not the television programs that can be regarded as the biggest treasure of information and knowledge.

In conclusion, though television has some advantages at providing information to some extent, it can hardly outweigh reading books as the most important means for people getting information and knowledge. Whenever one is not sure about something, what she or he firstly wants to do might be to refer to some books, seldom to watch some TV programs.
总结：文章结构清晰，论证合理。我觉得还不错,特别是语言功底，能用上优美的句子，羡慕。只是一些小的细节需要注意一下，比如语法。

boomkingUID: 199156

iPod，有空我帮你看看，呵呵

cloudbirdUID: 208021

谢谢boomking的拍砖与建议！有空给你拍拍。

linakUID: 155465

最近两天比较忙
过两天给你拍:)

cloudbirdUID: 208021

linak,先谢谢了
这是我的新作:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
你有新作继续给我连接吧! 这个周末我给你改改!!

accoladeUID: 2110746

Dose reading books have became less and less important as it once was since the advent of tele ision, can people learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books, as the speaker maintains above? In my point of view, although we can get a lot of vivid and direct information from watching television, however, I strongly insist that reading books will continue to serve us as the most important way of getting information and learning useful knowledge.[这个开头我喜欢,符合我的风格.开章明义]

Admittedly, with some of its advantages, television can provide us with plentiful information in a vivid way which can hardly be provided by reading books .for example, it may be that only by the television program can the beauteous scenery of the Zhang Jiajie National Forest Park be well shown for most of audiences who have never been there. The series of moving images of the old forest, the grotesque mountains and the flowing limpid water in the Mongdong River, together with the sweet sound of birds and insects, can give every audience a sense of dulcet enjoyness. However, when it turns to one to just read a book about them, what she or he can get might just some resting images, or even just an uncertain imagination when there was no picture in the these books. This illustrates that television always gives us direct and vivid images of some information, and that it is the perfect combination of the beautiful images and the vivid sound that makes television to be a good way of getting some kinds of information.
[这一个例子比较好,如果换成米国的例子就更好了,]

However, excepted for the advantages discussed above, in many situations, the information provided by television is limited in several aspects when compare to the reading books.

On the one[other] hand, one can just passively receive the information television provided, and has little choose of the very programs she or he wants to watch. When a person is eager to get some information about the history of the Civil War, for instance, it is very likely that there are no channels showing some programs of this historic event at that time; or even some channels happen to show this kinds of programs, what[which] they provide might be some of the impacts of the war to the whole society, not the military process of the war which is the very information she or he just wants to know. While, for the reading books, it may turn to be much easier for one to get the information she or he needs. For example, she or he can borrow these books involving this information in a library, or buy them in bookshops, or obtain them form other ways. In other words, in most of the time, it is only by the reading books that one is able to get some kinds of information and learning some new things on his or her own initiative.

On the another hand, when it turns to examine what kinds of information television programs often provide, we will find that, most of the television programs in contemporary society usually something of making people funny, or something representation some kinds of hollow, stupid, banal, and childish lives, which can give people no sureness of knowledge. In addition, nowadays audiences have to suffer form more and more advertisings’ frequently interruption when they are watching a program, which usually cannot add them with any new information. While compared with most of the television programs are of insignificant, most of reading books provide us with an effective way to learn the most useful knowledge, from how did human binges evolve, and how could a mathematical formula be deduced, to which mountain is the highest one in the world and when did the Second World War take place and so on. Therefore, it might be the reading books, not the television programs that can be regarded as the biggest treasure of information and knowledge.

In conclusion, though television has some advantages at providing information to some extent, it can hardly outweigh reading books as the most important means for people getting information and knowledge. Whenever one is not sure about something, what she or he firstly wants to do might be to refer to some books, seldom to watch some TV programs.
[你的这篇作文的样子可以作为我的模板:开始以问句的形式提出观点 ,然后论述文中所述的优点,然后批驳之,用两个分论点,最后以总结结束]
[不足的是有些句子似乎欠商量,如第二段的it may be 那段,读起来蛮拗口的]

linakUID: 155465

Originally posted by cloudbird at 2005-6-23 13:44
linak,先谢谢了
这是我的新作:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D3

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
你有新作继续给我连接吧! 这 ...

写得真快啊:$
好像刚刚改了一篇吧
剩下的有空再说,呵呵
我的链接也在你那篇里给了