同主题7--我的习作，欢迎拍砖

loiswtfUID: 2177029

Almost everyone appreciates music-- a special kind of language passed down from generation to generation and revised or created again and again. I believe that people who enjoy the music world may have the same feeling of mine about the fancy of music.

Above all, music has become a crucial part of people’s lives in terms of the special mood it offers: relax or exciting. We can see there exist all kinds of people who are having a good time with music. A shopper wandering on the street, a cleaner doing his work beside the road, or even an old man walking after dinner may listen to music. It is remarkably popular among so many people because of the fact that it brings relax and calm moods o people who desire to have a peaceful period when they can escape from presses and relax them thoroughly.

Also, music is a part of the concept of culture. As the time goes, music varies from the ancient forms to new styles. It contains a variety of cultural meanings in that its contents depend on when and where it is composed. Different music is exchanged between different countries and cultures. A person who listens to a piece of music that belongs to another country may be informed of the knowledge of its culture, such as the living styles of its people, a period of history and so on.

On the other hand, music can function well in several ways. For instance, nowadays, some hospitals use music to relax their doctors while they are diagnosing patients in order to make the operation smooth. Similarly, music assists babysitting because some sorts of music may keep babies from crying. Further more, filmmakers also prefer music to reflect the atmosphere of the films where music symbolizes a special and silent language.

I like several kinds of music which make me happy and, also comfort me when I was upset. I also appreciate of the knowledge that music brings to me. Without music, I believe, the world wouldn’t have been as wonderful or fantastic as what it is now.

zqznedUID: 2114587

写的很好啊,第二段的to打错了吧,可以把一些重复的词作一下替换

susan8940UID: 160449

很不错！尤其是句子表达上。拷回去慢慢看。：—）
另外一点小想法，cultuer那段加一句it is music that connect people all around the world by providing them opportunities to share and enjoy different cultures one another.
感觉老在鼓吹这个强调，呵呵，有不对的楼主见谅
我的请楼主帮改：）
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... page%3D1&page=7

yebiqiUID: 206136

appreciate of?是不是直接加宾语？

zqznedUID: 2114587

有空帮忙看看我的https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

夜一UID: 2130338

Almost everyone appreciates music-- a special kind of language passed down from generation to generation and revised or created again and again. I believe that people who enjoy the music world may have the same feelings of mine about the fancy of music.

Above all, music has become a crucial part of people’s lives in terms of the special mood it offers: relaxing or exciting. We can see there exist all kinds of people who are having a good time with music. A shopper wandering on the street, a cleaner doing his work beside the road, or even an old man walking after dinner may listen to music. It is remarkably popular among so many people because of the fact that it brings relaxation and calm moods o people who desire to have a peaceful period when they can escape from presses and relax them？ thoroughly. 提个小意见，relax的频率抬高，而且多处词性不对

Also, music is a part of the concept of culture. As the time goes by, music varies from the ancient forms to new styles. It contains a variety of cultural meanings in that its contents depend on when and where it is composed. Different music is exchanged between different countries and cultures. A person who listens to a piece of music that belongs to another country may be informed of the knowledge of its culture, such as the living styles of its people, a period of history and so on. 建议楼主能用具体事物替换抽象名词ancient forms, what forms? new styles, what styles? a variety of cultural meanings, wich culture meanings? contents, what contents? when and where it is composed, when and where? different countries and cultures, another country,  knowledge of its culture, living styles of its people, a period of history

On the other hand, music can function well in several wayscontribute to other fields. For instance, nowadays, some hospitals use music to relax their doctors while they are diagnosing patients in order to make the operation smooth. Similarly, music assists babysitting because some sorts of music may keep babies from crying. Further more, filmmakers also prefer music to reflect the atmosphere of the films where music symbolizes a special and silent language.

I like several kinds of music which make me happy and, also comfort me when I was upset. I also appreciate of the knowledge that music brings to me. Without music, I believe, the world wouldn’t have been as wonderful or fantastic as what it is now.

loiswtfUID: 2177029

谢谢楼上几位考友！
三楼说的强调 不错啊，不过自己写的时候总忘记用，有时候着急了就忘记了啊
夜一提出来的relax的问题我自己也意识到了，不过写的时候想不起来其他的词了，为了节约时间只好先都用这个了，回头会改的

另外你说的具体事物方面不错，我就是写的时候不知道怎么表达，感觉像写中文的散文似的，呵呵，自己是比较喜欢写散文的，看来用在这里不行啊。如果你有什么建议，比如怎么个改法，还希望能借鉴一下，自己不大好改过来啊