argument38【~4而后生~小组】第二次作业,欢迎大家拍啊！！！

insideUID: 2303230

ARGUMENT38
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

WORDS:441           TIME: 90min          DATE: 2007-3-5

In order to conclude that using Ichthaid daily, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism, the arguer poses several evidence, such as a study in nearby East Meria and some logical analysis. However, I should indicate that these evidence, actually, are not so persuasive to support the conclusion.

First of all, it is quite unconvincing that eating fish and preventing colds have much to do with one another just from the study the arguer offers. It is likely that only those who suffer from seriously colds will visit the doctor for the treatment, while others whose colds are not so severe, maybe only cough or sneeze sometimes, might be willing to swallow some stock medicine and have a rest at home. Hence, to say people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds cannot represent they really catch fewer colds than before. Moreover, it is also likely that people in East Meria are born strong enough to prevent colds or they exercise a lot so that they can avoid colds, rather than the fish they eat help them to do so.

Secondly, even if some substance of some fish can be used to prevent colds, it is still unsure that which kind of substance of which kind of fish has this effect. The treatment cannot be generalized to every kind of fish and the fish everywhere. It is possible that only the local fish in East Meria can cure a cold, while the fish in West Meria cannot, because of a special material only contained in the fish of East Meria. Furthermore, it also lacks evidence to assure us that Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, is just the substance which can be used as a cure. It should be examined by further scientific experiment.

Finally, there is no causal relationship between preventing colds and lowering absenteeism. A lot of emergencies, in reality, can be a reason for absenteeism, e.g. presenting a conference, dealing with some urgent family affairs, getting other ill except for a cold, or even playing computer games at home. People who are absent from school and workplace because of a cold may be only of a little proportion to the whole absenteeism.

To sum up, the arguer does not adequately demonstrate that eating fish can lead to less colds and preventing colds can result in less absenteeism. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to offer a scientific report that Ichthaid could prevent a cold and some studies which can prove most absentees are due to catching colds.

napUID: 196976

ARGUMENT38
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatmenthas come to our attention that promises to significantly reduceabsenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that innearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visitthe doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds.Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Sincecolds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school andwork, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplementderived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lowerabsenteeism."

WORDS:441           TIME: 90min          DATE: 2007-3-5

In order to conclude thatusing Ichthaid daily, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil,is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism, the arguer posesseveral evidence, such as a study in nearby East Meria and some logicalanalysis. However, I should indicate that these evidence, actually, arenot so persuasive to support the conclusion.
(观点鲜明)

First of all, it is quiteunconvincing that eating fish and preventing colds have much to do withone another just from the study the arguer offers. It is likely thatonly those who suffer from seriously colds will visit the doctor forthe treatment, while others whose colds are not so severe, maybe onlycough or sneeze sometimes, might be willing to swallow some stockmedicine and have a rest at home. Hence, to say people visit the doctoronly once or twice per year for the treatment of colds cannot representthey really catch fewer colds than before.(前2句论证好象和主题句没什么关系?) Moreover, it is also likelythat people in East Meria are born strong enough to prevent colds orthey exercise a lot so that they can avoid colds, rather than the fishthey eat help them to do so.
(总感觉论证和主题句没有紧密联系)

Secondly, even if somesubstance of some fish can be used to prevent colds, it is still unsurethat which kind of substance of which kind of fish has this effect. Thetreatment cannot be generalized to every kind of fish and the fisheverywhere. It is possible that only the local fish in East Meria cancure a cold, while the fish in West Meria cannot, because of a specialmaterial only contained in the fish of East Meria. Furthermore, it alsolacks evidence to assure us that Ichthaid, a nutritional supplementderived from fish oil, is just the substance which can be used as acure.(举个possibility吧,或来点论证) It should be examined by further scientific experiment.

Finally, there is no causalrelationship between preventing colds and lowering absenteeism. A lotof emergencies, in reality, can be a reason(A lotof emergencies VS a reason?) for absenteeism, e.g.presenting a conference(这好象不是absenteeism), dealing with some urgent family affairs,getting other ill except for a cold, or even playing computer games athome. People who are absent from school and workplace because of a coldmay be only of a little proportion to the whole absenteeism.

To sum up, the arguer doesnot adequately demonstrate that eating fish can lead to less colds andpreventing colds can(是不是多个动词?) result in less absenteeism. To strengthen theargument, the arguer would have to(would和have to重复) offer a scientific report(或其他形式) thatIchthaid could prevent a cold and some studies which can prove mostabsentees are due to catching colds.
除了第2段外论证结构还比较好

潘猫UID: 2238279

主体部分第一段的论据其实有两部分,但只有第二部分是支持论点的(同意楼上观点)
the arguer does not adequately demonstrate that eating fish can lead to less colds and preventing colds can result in less absenteeism.
这句话句法有点乱.

其他都是小瑕疵啦,我觉得整体结构和语言还是挺规范的~

happiecookieUID: 2298905

...... while others whose colds are not so severe, maybe only cough or sneeze sometimes, might be willing to swallow some stock medicine and have a rest at home.有点儿罗嗦了。 swallow some stock medicine我想了半天，才看懂。是吃了家里存的药吧。stored pills?

insideUID: 2303230

谢啦。。。