Issue196 求改!

sdcdcUID: 2183176

Issue196 “Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or d amage the quality of life”
    With the development of the society, we entered into a period of rapid technological change. Through history’s development, I don’t agree with what the speaker said: technology creates more problems than it solves, and threaten the quality of life. Indeed, with the advance of the technology, we walked into a complexed and rapid changed society. On the one hand, technology change us and the world around us. As the proverbs said, every thing has two side, the technology isn’t exclusive. On the other hand, technology creates some problems, not only on the military、society、but also on the economy, etc. But I think that the advantage of technology weighs the disadvantage.
      The first thing I want to hold is that the improvement of society offered by technology. The human being’s development is along with the advance in technology. Every big renovation was met with the innovation of technology. For example, the creation of industry revolution was followed by the invention of steam engine.  Firstly, technology can reform the people’s living ways and thinking means. Without the invention of paper, Human being maybe do not know how to write history and reserve the old story, even can not communicate with each other. Without the discovery of fuel and fire, perhaps people still eat the fresh meat. What’s more, without the invention of the light bulb, people maybe live under the cameral. Secondly, technology makes people live at ease. People can stay home warmly compared with the old years. They can go shopping by car instead of on foot. But we don’t overlook the question caused by technology, such as the pollution、over-development、the destroy of the forest etc. At the same time, through the history development, we must concede that these question we faced will be solved only by the advanced of technology, thus the problems caused by technology was swept out only by technology finally.
      On the second place, the technology leads to the progress of economy. Along with the electrical products’ appearance, the world economy faces a new challenge. With the invention of the computer, people can easily buy stock and other thing each other. Sometime, the company can finish the order for goods without keeping in touch with another. On the other hand, the growth of technology maybe sometimes leads to the world economic destroy, such as the financial storm happened in 1997.
    Finally, technology can attribute to the progression of military. During the Second World War, the more advanced the technology, the more powerful the arm. Thus it caused the competition of weapon so that we defeat German. While being the development of military, the model of airplane change rapidly so that we can go out by air easily. But the bursting of neutral bomb made people still live in the terrible world.

     In sum, the improvement of technology make people live better compared with the old, not only change the perspective of human being, solve many enduring problems, probe the outside of the earth, but the nature and the world, even the universe. We must make good use of it. Although we don’t forget the problems caused, we must try our best to solve these questions by technology’s development.

sdcdcUID: 2183176

怎么没有人拍呀，欢迎大家给我拍,希望大家多提提意见.

lpjiang007UID: 2184911

Issue196 “Technology creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or d amage the quality of life”
    With the development of the society, we enter（entered） into或are experiencing a period of rapid technological innovation(change). Considering(Through不能表达出你要表达的意思) history’s development, I do not (don’t不规范) agree with what the speaker said，that is, technology creates more problems than it solves, and threaten the quality of life. Indeed, with the advances in (of the) technology, we walked into a complex (complexed, complex为形容词) and rapid changing society. On the one hand, technology changes us and the world around us. As the proverbs said, every thing has two sides, the technology isn’t exclusive（不地道）. On the other hand, technology creates some problems, not only on the military、society、but also on the economy, etc. But I think that the advantage of technology weighs the disadvantage.
      The first thing I want to hold is that the improvement of society offered by technology. The human being’s development is along with the advance in technology. ALMOST （避免太绝对化）Every big renovation was met with the innovation of technology. For example, the initiation （creation 是起始而不是创造） of industry revolution was followed by the invention of steam engine.  Firstly, technology can reform （the多余） people’s life style and way of thinking .(people’s living ways and thinking means. 似乎没见过这种表达，不知正确与否) Without the invention of paper, Human being maybe do not know where(how) to write history and reserve the old story,（不应该用how，人们可以写在竹简上） even can not communicate with (each )others in the form of letters.(一个大的漏洞，人们没有纸笔一样可以交流，这里容易被挑). Without the discovery of fuel and fire, perhaps people still eat the fresh meat. What’s more, without the invention of the light bulb, people maybe live under the cameral. Secondly, technology makes people live at ease. People can stay home warmly compared with the ancient (old) years. They can go shopping by car instead of walking to the downtown. (on foot 不知道 of 后再跟on foot正确与否.) But we do not （don’t非正式英语） overlook the questions caused by technology, such as the pollution、over-development、the destroy （？可以作名词？可以考虑用destruction）of the forest etc. At the same time, through the history development, we must concede that these questions we are facing (faced) will be solved only by the improvement (advanced) of technology, thus the problems caused by technology will be (was 注意时态)swept out only by technology finally.
      On the second place, （the） technology leads to the progress of economy. Along with the electrical products’ appearance, the world economy faces a new challenge. With the invention of （the） computer, people can easily buy stock and other things （each other去掉）. Sometimes, the company can finish the order for goods without keeping in touch with another. On the other hand, the growth of technology maybe sometimes lead(leads) to the world economic destroy, such as the financial storm happened in 1997.
    Finally, technology can contribute (attribute) to the progress(progression) of military. During the Second World War, the more advanced the technology, the more powerful the arm. Thus it caused the competition of weapon so that we defeat German. While being the development of military, the model of airplane changes rapidly so that we can go out by air easily. But the bursting of nuclear(neutral) bomb made people still live in the terrible world.

     In sum, the improvement of technology makes people live better compared with the old, not only changes the perspective of human beings, solves many enduring problems, probes the outside of the earth, but also the nature and the world, even the universe. We must make good use of it. Although we don’t forget the problems caused, we must try our best to solve these problems (questions不对) by technological (technology’s没有这种写法吧 )development.

兄弟加油吧，提高语言水平，表达要地道些，用词再生动丰富些，逻辑思维再严密些，句子之间的连接要做好。

[ 本帖最后由 lpjiang007 于 2006-3-5 01:23 编辑 ]