帮centu修改argu147 ，大家也看看改得如何

hokuto8UID: 2188958

没有标明逻辑词句和我欣赏的用词用句，因为改色太累了。


centu的原文见
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... &extra=page%3D1


我的同主题文章（修改前后比较），有空的也帮忙看一下修改思路如何
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... &extra=page%3D1


In this argument, the arguer claims that Whirlwind has just introduced several lifelike graphics video games to the ten to twenty five years old (the age-group most likely to play video games), then the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To justify his conclusion, the arguer cites a survey and indicates that the lifelike graphics is most important to the video game players. Careful analysis reveals, however, that this argument is unconvincing.
//虽然这是最通用的开头方式，但我还是觉得这样写有些把阅卷人当成不熟悉题目的似的，努力改改。
而且，我觉得，虽然issue和argu是两种文章，但都在analysis writing的名义下的话，从逻辑思维上是相通的，所以我才舍issue保argu，就是因为issue的随意性大，与其去看着大牛们的文章郁闷，不如先练习一下自己的逻辑写作习惯。有了些analysis writing 的感觉后，再想办法对付issue。//


To begin with, the arguer provides no evidence that the survey is statistically reliable. Are the survey's respondents representative enough to reflect the general attitude of the video game players? Lacking this evidence, it is entirely possible that the people who prefer the lifelike graphics are more willing to respond the survey. Perhaps most of the game players cannot afford the up-to-date computers, and then//感觉这里因果关系比较强，可以用so一类的// they don not regard the lifelike graphics as the most important factor//原文的feature更好，虽然要避免重复，但还是以准确为优先// at all. Therefore, the arguer cannot rely on the survey to conclude that the lifelike graphics video game can be widely accepted.

In addition, the arguer unfairly assumes that the ten to twenty five years old people could really purchase the lifelike graphics video game. We find no evidence show that the respondents of the survey mentioned in the argument are ten to twenty five years old. Even if such age people would like//这里有选择倾向的意味，用点有语气的词，如prefer、favor等// the lifelike graphics video game, it is entirely possible that they do not have the economic ability to purchase the game; it is also possible that they cannot draw out time from their study duty to play any game; and it is equally possible that they are prohibited from playing game by their parents at all. Without ruling out all these possible scenarios, the arguer cannot reasonably conclude that these young players would be the major consumers of such video game, let alone the dramatic increase of the sales

Before I come into my conclusion, some other flaws must be pointed out which can weaken the argument. First, other factors that can affect//用determine会不会更有感觉, 而determine含义是把某件事确定下来。金山词霸里说：to determine the guests to be invited (确定要邀请的客人)，此语的内涵意思是：要请哪些人而不请那些人。// the quality of the video game are overlooked by the arguer such as: the story line, the back //background//music, the character design, and so forth//这个词组口语化了可以用and otherwise一类的//，. Without the good effect in all these aspects, only with the lifelike graphics,//这里without和with并不对称，effect也不太准确，建议改成without the superior features in all these aspects besides lifelike graphics//  Whirlwind might be not able to overwhelm its competitors. Second, it is entirely possible that the market of such video game might have been dominated by some large game companies, and Whirlwind will hardly sell out its products.

To sum up, from what discussed above, the evidence cited in the argument, does not lend strong support to the arguer's conclusion. It is necessary to the arguer to rule out all above mentioned possibilities before we could better evaluate the argument.
//结尾也可以做模版呢，最好提一点具体的建议//



总的来说，还是不错的。