Issue150 第19篇 电视和旅游！

amanda1011UID: 2106668

写的时候啥好词都忘了，现在看到的是修改过以后的，呜呜！

------摘要------
作者：amanda1011     共用时间：35分0秒     561 words (revised 603 words)
从2005年8月10日16时17分到2005年8月10日16时35分

------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.


------正文------
With the development of technologies, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited through the television and worldwide computer connections. Will the tourism, a traditional way to "visit" those famous places soon become obsolete? Could we be satisfied with the videos or images in those media? In my point of view, they could only be an assist to the tourism but not replace it.

People now could get so much information from the television and Internet that even if we sit in our sofas, we could know about what is happening in other places of the world. Those media, as strong tools, free us from the long-distance trip and provide us vivid pictures or videos for appreciation. For example, if you are interested in the Huangshan Mountain, you can easily browse the photos in my personal homepage via Internet, which are shot on my tour. Or you could surf web to download some video records about it. Furthermore, by watching the famous TV program, Discovery Channel, we could even "experience" the most exciting expedition with the experts to explore the mysterious places which we have no chance to visit or be dangerous to go to without wide experience of exploration. In this sense, those advanced technologies of media seem to be powerful enough to present anything we want to know.

However, even if we can become familiar with those places that we have never visited, tourism will never become obsolete for it has so many differences from "visiting" some places in the television or Internet..

In the first place, to go on a trip could bring us first-hand experience and personal feelings, which would be different from the stories depicted by other people on Internet or what we see in the screen of television, about the scenic spots. When we climb up to the top of the Great Wall, we could overlook the hills and wood around it, touch the stones which were put up thousands years ago or breathe the fresh air. We would raise a respect to the ancient people who built up such a great building. That could hardly be found in the pictures or videos.

Secondly, many people go on a trip not only for those beautiful scenes but also for relaxation. After they work for a long time, they would like to get rid of that burdensome work and go on vacation. For example, to have a sun bath on the California Breach or to climb up the Taishan Mountain for taking some exercise. Many of people choose to those scenic spots to have a rest and enjoy their holiday although they have got a lot of information about the places or have been to there several times. To them, the tourism not only brings them great scenery but also brings them a period of time for enjoying themselves.

Thirdly, tourism could promote the communication between people all over the world and bring a considerable income to the local government. People from different places exchange those ideas or culture through the travel. We could talk with the native people in those scenic spots and have a real experience of their life. Just because of the travel, people of different places could know about each other.

In sum, although the television and worldwide computer connections could give us so much convenience that we could know about other places without a long-time trip, the tourism has so many different characteristics that would bring us totally distinct experience and feelings about those scenic spots, it will not be obsolete or replaced by those media.

alcestisUID: 2101945

With the development of technologies, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited through the television and worldwide computer connections. Will the tourism, a traditional way to "visit" those famous places soon become obsolete? Could we be satisfied with the videos or images in those media? In my point of view, they could only be an assist to the tourism but not replace it.

People now could get so much information from the television and Internet that even if we sit in our sofas, we could know about what is happening in other places of the world. Those media, as strong tools, free us from the long-distance trip and provide us vivid pictures or videos for appreciation. For example, if you are interested in the Huangshan Mountain 注解一下——中国五岳之一什么的, you can easily browse the photos in my personal homepage via Internet, which are shot on my tour. Or you could surf web to download some video records about it. Furthermore, by watching the famous TV program, Discovery Channel, we could even "experience" the most exciting expedition with the experts to explore the mysterious places which we have no chance to visit or be dangerous to go to without wide experience of exploration. In this sense, those advanced technologies of media seem to be powerful enough to present anything we want to know.

However, even if we can become familiar with those places that we have never visited, tourism will never become obsolete for it has so many differences from "visiting" some places in the television or Internet..

In the first place, to go on a trip could bring us first-hand experience and personal feelings, which would be different from the stories depicted by other people on Internet or what we see in the screen of television, about the scenic spots. When we climb up to the top of the Great Wall, we could overlook the hills and woods around it, touch the stones which were put up thousands years ago or breathe the fresh air. We would raise a respect to the ancient people who built up such a great building. That could hardly be found in the pictures or videos.应该说也可以found但是远没有那样强烈

Secondly, many people go on a trip not only for those beautiful scenes but also for relaxation. After they work for a long time, they would like to get rid of that burdensome work and go on vacation. For example, to have a sun bath on the California Breach or to climb up the Taishan Mountain for taking some exercise. Many of people choose to those scenic spots to have a rest and enjoy their holiday although they have got a lot of information about the places or have been to there several times. To them, the tourism not only brings them great scenery but also brings them a period of time for enjoying themselves.

Thirdly, tourism could promote the communication between people all over the world and bring a considerable income to the local government.后文没提到政府 这个地方不如去掉 People from different places exchange those ideas or culture through the travel. We could talk with the native people in those scenic spots and have a real experience of their life. Just because of the travel, people of different places could know about each other. 我觉得这一段的观点比较新颖 应该比上面那些大众化的观点更加深如分析 以显示特色 我认为主要是通过和当地人的交流了解一种新的文化 可以激发灵感 这也是为什么许多艺术家要采风的原因 可以举高更为例 他去一个小岛上住了一段时间 创作了一系列的以那里生活为题材的传世佳作

In sum, although the television and worldwide computer connections could give us so much convenience that we could know about other places without a long-time trip, the tourism has so many different characteristics that would bring us totally distinct experience and feelings about those scenic spots, it will not be obsolete or replaced by those media.

我觉得这篇文章不难，要想写好一方面是语言一方面就是要写出自己独特的观点来~~大概所有比较简单的文章都是这样~~

amanda1011UID: 2106668

谢谢alcestis，我也正愁倒数第二段似乎没怎么展开，没有合适的例子。

ouymUID: 2109118

------题目------
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.


------正文------
With the development of technologies, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited through the television and worldwide computer connections.(我是蛮喜欢在这儿加一个"Then"的!) Will the tourism, a traditional way to "visit" those famous places soon become obsolete? Could we be satisfied with the videos or images in those media? In my point of view, they could only be an assist(这是动词!改成assistant) to the tourism but not replace it.(这句话不是很对称! )

People now could get so much information from the(去掉or not?) television and Internet that even if we sit in our sofas, we could know about what is happening in other places of the world. Those media, as strong tools, free us from the long-distance trip and provide us vivid pictures or videos for appreciation. For example, if you are interested in the Huangshan Mountain, you can easily browse the photos in my personal homepage (为什么要说"我的个人主页",怪怪的!换一下换一下!)via Internet, which are shot on my tour. Or you could surf web to download some video records about it(例子不错,但写法不是很好!). Furthermore, by watching the famous TV program, Discovery Channel, (by watching tourism program in TV, such as the well-know"Discover Channel"供参考!)we could even "experience" the most exciting expedition with the experts to explore the mysterious places which we have no chance to visit or be dangerous to go to without wide experience of exploration(这句话的结构有问题!). In this sense, those advanced technologies of media seem to be powerful enough to present anything we want to know.

However, even if we can become familiar with those places that we have never visited, tourism will never become obsolete for it has so many differences(有问题!) from "visiting" some places in the television or Internet.(这是病句!改成because there have so many difference between tourism and watching TV or surfing on the internet)

In the first place, to go on a trip could bring us first-hand experience and personal feelings, which would be different from the stories depicted by other people on Internet or what we see in the screen of television, about the scenic spots(是"景点"的意思吗?我不会,学一个!). When we climb up to the top of the Great Wall, we could overlook the hills and wood around it, touch the stones which were put up thousands years ago or breathe the fresh air. We would raise a respect to the ancient people who built up such a great building. That could hardly be found in the pictures or videos.

Secondly, many people go on a trip not only for those beautiful scenes but also for relaxation. After they work for a long time, they would like to get rid of that burdensome work and go on vacation. For example, to have a sun bath on the California Breach or to climb up the Taishan Mountain for taking some exercise. Many of (为什么要用"of"?)people choose to those scenic spots to have a rest and enjoy their holiday although they have got a lot of information about the places or have been to there several times. To them, the(去掉!) tourism not only brings them great scenery but also brings them a period of time for enjoying themselves.(看电视不也同样enjoy吗?)

Thirdly, tourism could promote the communication between people all over the world and bring a considerable income to the local government(这是一句没有用的话!不好!). People from different places exchange those (改成their)ideas or culture through the travel. We could talk with the native people in those scenic spots and have a real experience of their life. Just because of the travel, people of different places could know about each other.

In sum, although the television and worldwide computer connections could give us so much convenience that we could know about other places without a long-time trip, the(去掉!) tourism has so many different characteristics that would bring us totally distinct experience and feelings about those scenic spots, it will not be obsolete or replaced by those(去掉!) media.

青青的文章好长!
我觉得文章没必要追求长,还是要提高以下语言质量,减少错误!譬如:冠词的用法,本文有很多用的不当的地方!
前天,我看了一偏6分范文.这篇范文没写完,仍然得了满分!老外的思维真实不一般!评语是这样的:The writer's views on the issue are so cogent, well articulated, and well developed that the writer was not penalized for failing to provide a conclusion. what matters is the quality of thinking and writing displayed, not whether an essay is totally finished or has a certain number of words.
从这段评语可以看出,论证是否合理是最重要的,其次是写作技巧,也就是语言表达能力.所以我们要把注意力集中在这两点上.关于论证的合理性,我没啥说的!我想说的是语言表达能力.我们的文章中应尽量避免出现病句,我在改文章遇见病句时,感觉很不爽,不知道判卷人是否会有同感!对于文章的篇幅并没有什么特别要求,所以我觉得应该尽量写短些,这样可以节省时间,用于思考.同时,言多必失!说得越多,错的机会也越多!你说呢![/size]

ouymUID: 2109118

to alcestics
黄山好象不是五岳之一吧！
＂五岳归来不看山，黄山归来不看岳＂

amanda1011UID: 2106668

谢谢毛毛，这篇写的语句是有点问题，也不知道怎么回事，句子有点乱，自己改的时候都觉得晕晕的，不知道怎么下手好了。希望考试时候不要出现这种状态。