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[i习作temp] Issue93 字数又创新高(794), 啰里啰唆就是写不短。回拍也必秉承此风格。 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-7-13 15:15:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
写的时候是独立审题,写完翻翻以前的一些同主题issue习作才发现可能理解有所偏差
这里的individual responsibility我理解为了个体对社会应承担责任 以及 社会责任感
而forces则理解成了社会中的强制力量,提纲如下。如有觉得已经偏题万里的就不劳大驾批改,只留下审题意见亦感激不尽。
如有耐心阅文者,还请多提意见,尤其是针对字数过多耗时过长的问题,觉得是废话还望大笔挥之。


Issue93
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.

Outline:
a) Individual responsibility is absolutely necessary without a tiny teeny fictional ingredient, actually binding people together to function as a consistent and orderly society.
b) Individual responsibility is the more healthy and civilized approach to hold a society together than forces, which, as a result, would create a more healthy and civilized society.
c) Admittedly, to maintain the harmony of the society and control the instable factors such as the outlaws, force is also a vital element of the social mechanism, which turns out to be an enhancement and reassurance of individuals’ sense of responsibility.


Article:
What's regulating all the behaviors in our society? Some would say it's the sense of responsibility of all its members to contribute and benefit to the society while some others, as the statement above presents, insists that it's the forces that determine the people's actions. In my point of view, to build a society effectively both of these elements are indispensable, yet to build a ever-developing one self-consciousness of individual responsibility can't be more emphasized.

Individual responsibility is absolutely necessary without a tiny teeny fictional ingredient, actually binding people together to function as a consistent and orderly society. Virtually individual responsibility to the society has more than one form of presentation, such as public morality, patriotism, ethics, etc. Each of them takes control of a specific aspect of our social life on a spiritual level, acting as a standard as well as a foundation. Patriotism, for example, motivates people to stick together firmly, to develop themselves and its surroundings for the purpose of competing with other societies and defending their own. Public morality restricts our manners and desires by condemning the wrongdoing and glorifying the virtue. Ethics take care of our relationships with family and business partners. Collapse of any of these voluntary social regulations would lead to the turbulence and chaos of our society. The most radical version of this kind of chaotic social environment would be the Hell described in western culture, where none of these bridles exist and all the fallen souls have no choice but get involved in a endless hopeless violent fight.

Individual responsibility is the more healthy and civilized approach to hold a society together than forces, which, as a result, would create a more healthy and civilized society. Similar to responsibility, forces in the our social life also comes from various directions and basically everywhere: legal force from government, expectation force from parents, instruction force from schools and deadline force from supervisors, and so on. In some sense, we do live a life under the full-scale control of forces, a robotic life some may say. However, the very difference between human and droid is that we are subjective fleshy animals not tame soulless machine. Without keeping the sense of individual responsibility in our mind, we could and would say no to the any duty carried out by force against our will no matter how important it is to the whole society. In others words, a society constructed primarily with the forces instead of solid individual responsibilities won't last long due to all the resistance and conflicts. A famous example would be the rise and fall of Soviet Union. At the beginning of its founding, the expectation of communist society established a great ambience of individual responsibility among its people. Together with the powerful control force of the party, Russians made a lot of miracles in almost all the fields. When the social problems, such as corruption and declination of living standard, arose in the 1980's, people's sense of responsibility gradually faded away with the breaking of communist bubbles. Even though its control force over people were notorious for its power and scale, the revolution inevitably happened to restore people's evidence over social responsibilities.

Admittedly, to maintain the harmony of the society and control its instable factors such as the outlaws, force is also a key element of the social mechanism, which turns out to be an enhancement and reassurance of individuals' sense of responsibility. Individual responsibility serves as the internal motivation in social activities while forces as the external one, just like what happens to a jet plane: its engine provides the thrust from inside while aerodynamic force works from outside to life it up and stabilize it. Sometimes force is also an obligatory implementation of individual responsibility, through which the fulfillment of certain critical social responsibilities could be guaranteed. For example, the laws, as one of the vital social forces to regulate people's actions, play a major role in protecting the accepted ethical values from any violation and making sure that society can get anything necessary to develop consistently, otherwise family violence or absence of military service would be nothing but "a matter of choice". The powerful application of laws would remind people constantly that their responsibility to the society is not an option but an inherent mission to accomplish with their whole life.

To sum up, individual responsibility is not an idealism but a veritable "glue" that adhere all social members to each other while the forces may stand for all the hand press to ensure the stickiness. The lack of either would be a bad news: no hand press, the society would be too fragile to stand a shake; no glue, it would crack down any moment even when the hands aren't removed.

[ Last edited by edgarlu on 2005-7-15 at 15:19 ]
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沙发
发表于 2005-7-14 08:43:11 |只看该作者
实在是不想做这种自顶的事情
还望能有同样以满分为标准的同志,多多斧正,携手共进
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板凳
发表于 2005-7-14 08:58:02 |只看该作者
Originally posted by edgarlu at 2005-7-14 08:43
实在是不想做这种自顶的事情
还望能有同样以满分为标准的同志,多多斧正,携手共进


吓倒了,近800字,争取考场上能写这么多就OK了~~

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地板
发表于 2005-7-14 21:47:51 |只看该作者
Originally posted by songwei1765 at 2005-7-14 08:58


吓倒了,近800字,争取考场上能写这么多就OK了~~

看来字写多了是考场拍场都不讨好啊
要短!要短!
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发表于 2005-7-14 21:55:02 |只看该作者
Originally posted by edgarlu at 2005-7-14 21:47

看来字写多了是考场拍场都不讨好啊
要短!要短!


偶才考没多久,在考场上有两个困扰:
字数和内容
你根本没有太多时间去尽量扩充字数~
也根本没有太多时间去如何充实内容~
一切只是像把你壶里的饺子一股脑倒出来,最多再排排序。
因此养成平时固定的套路和写法是必要的,时间同样要卡紧。
当然每个人的水平参差不齐,45分钟能打多少字由水平决定。
但控制好紧凑的思路和字数,对于限时练习是至关重要的。

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发表于 2005-7-14 22:08:06 |只看该作者
Originally posted by songwei1765 at 2005-7-14 21:55


偶才考没多久,在考场上有两个困扰:
字数和内容
你根本没有太多时间去尽量扩充字数~
也根本没有太多时间去如何充实内容~
一切只是像把你壶里的饺子一股脑倒出来,最多再排排序。
因此养成平时固定的套路 ...


收到,受教
打字速度我觉得倒不是瓶颈
我现在发现我的时间主要耗在以下方面:
1、开头结尾,因为心理障碍始终未模板化
2、不舍得放弃一两个难写的好例子或是好句子
3、嚼字,同一个意思就是想变着花样说出来
陋习
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发表于 2005-7-14 23:00:45 |只看该作者
Originally posted by edgarlu at 2005-7-14 22:08


收到,受教
打字速度我觉得倒不是瓶颈
我现在发现我的时间主要耗在以下方面:
1、开头结尾,因为心理障碍始终未模板化
2、不舍得放弃一两个难写的好例子或是好句子
3、嚼字,同一个意思就是想变着花样说 ...


那天好像是考5.5的仁兄介绍说的,花哨的句子和拽文好像最后都不是太用得上,有可能还以四级句子往上整~~
因此在平时反复训练一些好记得、固定的搭配在考场上会收到很好的效果~~

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发表于 2005-7-15 11:41:13 |只看该作者

拜读一下,虽然目标不是6

我见青山多妩媚,
料青山
见我应如是

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发表于 2005-7-15 13:32:41 |只看该作者
啊呀呀,光是申题立意我的想法都与楼主的大相径庭阿
individual responsibility与orces not of their own making应该是一对相反的概念
我觉得此体意在讨论:
个人的行为是由自身主观因素决定还是由其它不可抗拒因素决定的, 也就是说一个人对自己的行为是不是应该负责,或者负责到怎样的程度。

楼主的文章真的好长,pfpf,不过看提纲,前两段好像没什么区别的说

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发表于 2005-7-15 15:20:06 |只看该作者
Originally posted by yzyangqin at 2005-7-15 13:32
啊呀呀,光是申题立意我的想法都与楼主的大相径庭阿
individual responsibility与orces not of their own making应该是一对相反的概念
我觉得此体意在讨论:
个人的行为是由自身主观因素决定还是由其它不可抗拒 ...


不好意思是那时贴错了,已重新编辑过
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发表于 2005-7-15 17:15:06 |只看该作者

哈哈,俺是第一个改 这篇文章的

Issue93
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.

Outline:
a) Individual responsibility is absolutely necessary without a tiny teeny fictional ingredient, actually binding people together to function as a consistent and orderly society.
b) Individual responsibility is the more healthy and civilized approach to hold a society together than forces, which, as a result, would create a more healthy and civilized society.
c) Admittedly, to maintain the harmony of the society and control the instable factors such as the outlaws, force is also a vital element of the social mechanism, which turns out to be an enhancement and reassurance of individuals’ sense of responsibility.


Article:
What's regulating 我比较喜欢用这个词作调整机器讲,control, restrict 不是都可以吗all the behaviors in our society? Some would say it's the sense of responsibility of all its members to contribute and benefit to the society这个不定式短语加的好累,改成 the sense of responsibility and the willing to contribute and benefit 如何?不是那个因果关系,但顺点,这加个逗号吧 while some others, as the statement above presents, insists 复数主语 that it's the forces that determine the people's actions. In my point of view, to build a society effectively both of these elements are indispensable, yet to build a ever-developing one self-consciousness of individual responsibility 这个短语太拗口,什么意思?能不能只写individual responsibility?can't be more emphasized.好艰深的开头阿,注意逗号的应用,多用点,否则一口气读不过来啊

Individual responsibility is absolutely necessary without a tiny teeny 很口语的表达fictional 这里想讨论一下那个necessary, 是必然还是必要,题目说necessary fiction,你能把它破开解吗?我比较倾向必然,说这个概念肯定是虚构的云云ingredient, actually binding people together to function as a consistent and orderly society. Virtually individual responsibility to the society has more than one form of presentation expression较好,或者就只用form, such as public morality, patriotism, ethics, etc. Each of them takes control of a specific aspect of our social life on a spiritual level, acting as a standard as well as a foundation. Patriotism, for example, motivates people to stick together firmly, to develop themselves and its surroundings for the purpose of competing with other societies and defending their own. Public morality restricts our manners and desires by condemning the wrongdoing and glorifying the virtue. Ethics take care of our relationships with family and business partners. 把责任分类逐一破之,好立意Collapse of any of these voluntary social regulations would lead to the turbulence and chaos of our society. The most radical version of this kind of chaotic social environment would be the Hell described in western culture, where none of these bridles exist and all the fallen souls have no choice but get involved in a endless hopeless violent fight.
对于本题,我思路是题目强调社会对于个体的强迫是个体实际没有为自己负责的机会,和choice very very rare那道题有点像, 按必要讲,你这段还是很不错的

Individual responsibility is the more healthy and civilized approach to hold a society together 那上段就别写爱国主义,省得重复than forces, which, as a result, would create a more healthy and civilized society. 题目意思是被强迫自己不能作主,可没说forces更必要阿,楼主三思题意Similar to responsibility, forces in the our social life also comes from various directions and basically everywhere: legal force from government, expectation force from parents, instruction force from schools and deadline force from supervisors, and so on. In some sense, we do live a life under the full-scale control of forces, a robotic life some may say.这和forces没有因果联系 However, the very difference between human and droid 什么? is that we are subjective fleshy animals not tame soulless machine. Without keeping the sense of individual responsibility in our mind, we could and would say no to the any duty carried out by force against our will no matter how important it is to the whole society. In others words, a society constructed primarily with the forces instead of solid individual responsibilities won't last long due to all the resistance and conflicts. 这跟ts意思是反的阿A famous example would be the rise and fall of Soviet Union. At the beginning of its founding, the expectation of communist society established a great ambience of individual responsibility among its people. Together with the powerful control force of the party, Russians made a lot of miracles in almost all the fields. When the social problems, such as corruption and declination of living standard, arose in the 1980's, people's sense of responsibility gradually faded away with the breaking of communist bubbles. Even though its control force over people were notorious for its power and scale, the revolution inevitably happened to restore people's evidence over social responsibilities. 你说苏联强权政治人们才丧失了社会责任感?我觉得他们丧失的是对政府和社会主义的信心

Admittedly, to maintain the harmony of the society and control its instable factors such as the outlaws, force is also a key element of the social mechanism, 看来楼主吧注意力都放在force是不是必要上了,实在理解和你不一样,主题意思待商榷which turns out to be an enhancement and reassurance of individuals' sense of responsibility. Individual responsibility serves as the internal motivation in social activities while forces as the external one, just like what happens to a jet plane: its engine provides the thrust from inside while aerodynamic force works from outside to life it up and stabilize it. Sometimes force is also an obligatory implementation of individual responsibility, through which the fulfillment of certain critical social responsibilities could be guaranteed. 喷气机原理比起来多麻烦阿For example, the laws, as one of the vital social forces to regulate people's actions, play a major role in protecting the accepted ethical values from any violation and making sure that society can get anything necessary to develop consistently, otherwise family violence or absence of military service would be nothing but "a matter of choice". The powerful application of laws would remind people constantly that their responsibility to the society is not an option but an inherent mission to accomplish with their whole life. For example以下证的很棒!

To sum up, individual responsibility is not an idealism but a veritable "glue" that adhere all social members to each other while the forces may stand for all the hand press 什么意思?订书机? to ensure the stickiness. The lack of either would be a bad news: no hand press, the society would be too fragile to stand a shake; no glue, it would crack down any moment even when the hands aren't removed. 比喻不错,但你意识到题目问是不是fiction却没在文中阐述

妈呀,累死偶了!

知道你为什么写了794还不撒手了:lol
你喜欢用很多修饰限定把句子搞得好长
涉及的概念又事无巨细想解释一遍
我觉得没这么必要
讲清楚就成
当然练练手还是可以的

个人意见阿!
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我见青山多妩媚,
料青山
见我应如是

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发表于 2005-7-15 23:05:07 |只看该作者
顶!
楼主进来看看阿!
我见青山多妩媚,
料青山
见我应如是

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发表于 2005-7-19 08:39:15 |只看该作者
有点罗嗦。语言应该精练。想必你不是45分钟搞出来的吧?

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发表于 2005-7-19 09:07:22 |只看该作者
Originally posted by zehua at 2005-7-19 08:39
有点罗嗦。语言应该精练。想必你不是45分钟搞出来的吧?



较早的文章了,现在已经在刻意注意这个毛病,略有成效
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发表于 2005-7-19 09:12:46 |只看该作者
限时了吗?没有限时的作文写那么多没有意义

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RE: Issue93 字数又创新高(794), 啰里啰唆就是写不短。回拍也必秉承此风格。 [修改]

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Issue93 字数又创新高(794), 啰里啰唆就是写不短。回拍也必秉承此风格。
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