ISSUE144 有感于imong 追星1.1 Terminology

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Issue144

----Preamble----
读了imong的追星剑特训, 开始了对issue的深入了解(自我感觉良好的说), 所以有了第一篇ISSUE习作. 因为例子不足,所以搜索例证用了很久, 严重到无法计时. 但是即使现在也不敢确定例子是否合适.  无论怎样,首先推荐大家看imong的追星剑特训, 很精辟; 其次请大家不要客气,开始吧.  

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144. "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

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In human history, lasting value is a prize which people are busily engaged into seeking. Hitherto nowadays, there have been thousands of outcomes in different domains that are viewed with lasting value. As in science, the Theory of Relativity, the Energy Conservation, and the Law of Gravity are maxims with lasting value; typography, steam engine, and computer are technologies with lasting value; the same as in philosophy, medicine, architecture, and of course in art and criticism. That is followed that not only artists,but also critics will give society products with lasting value,just like that apple trees  bring out apples while orange trees with oranges, both of which bear edible fruits.

Artists who compose art works do give society something worth to preserve forever. Art is to some extent a reserve of history. Most of art, including those fictions, come from people's daily lives which is the main content of history. Even though artists excel in mix their works with their inspiration and cause them lost their normal appearance in reality, they are still trying to reflect the reality, which will become history after decades or hundreds of years. Epic poems of Homer have been portrayed as the greatest works in ancient Greek, and now archaeologists found the relic of Troy City in Turkish seacoast, which means that the characterization of the Trojan War in Iliad and Odyssey might be true. Whether it was true or not, we still could know about the Greek culture in 700 B.C.E., which is a record of history.

Another value artists produce for the human race is that art would promote the enthusiasm of people for their ideals, and so encourage people to pursuit them, which is the initial momentum for revolution or reform. Victor Hugo is a French Romantic writer and poet, whose works like Cromwell and Notre Dame de Paris made deep influence on French Romantic movement. Artists and their works could surely benefit  both coevals and descendants, which is named lasting value.

On the other hand, critics who appraise the artists'works would help to impetus the development of art. Critics evaluate a works, say, a novel or film, then they praise it as valuable and great or they denounce it as unworthy to view. Their praise may give the works a high and prevailing status and that would encourage the writer and other artists to create more and better creations. Their criticism would admonish artists that there are some defects there, which would at least rouse a cogitation, no matter accepted or not. Therefore, even though there must have been more than one opinion on a special works, those opinions of critics would push artists to meditate and develop.

Not only affect artists, critics would also enable most of people to understand art. For most art compositions, authors often connote a recondite meaning behind those words or paints which would be hard for people to apprehend. Critics who have the know-how to "dig deeply" would find out what the author's aim is and disclose it to the public. For instance, the verses and elaborations in A Dream of Red Mansion, which was composed in 1800's as Qing Dynasty and is viewed as one of the greatest classic works in China, are carrying unfathomable meanings even to Chinese readers. If it were not for the works of "Red Critics" who dedicate into delving the book, it would be simply popular as an ancient novel.

Critics would create works with lasting value, but from which the criterion for that of art is different. There is no one typical lasting value that could be used to characterize all human civilization, and so it is presumption to say critics would not give something with lasting value .

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

In human history, lasting value is a prize which people are busily engaged into seeking. Hitherto nowadays, there have been thousands of outcomes in different domains that are viewed with lasting value. As in science, the Theory of Relativity, the Energy Conservation, and the Law of Gravity are maxims with lasting value; typography, steam engine, and computer are technologies with lasting value; the same as in philosophy, medicine, architecture, and of course in art and criticism. That is followed that not only artists, but also critics will give society products with lasting value, just like that apple trees bring out apples while orange trees with oranges, both of which bear edible fruits.
开头的结构我很喜欢的，我喜欢新颖有意思的开头，吸引足够的眼球，但是问题在于罗嗦，不直截了当，毕竟是字数有限的作文，又有时间上的限制，这样的开头过长，而且在开头就出现例子，尤其是大量的例子，个人以为不可取。而且仔细的看这些例子，好象与要说的题目中的事物没有特别的联系，尤其是与你的论点的提出，好象没有起到太多的铺垫作用。这样就是做了无用功的感觉。应该可以有别的方式，不妨再想一下。而且最后一个类比也不是很工整，好象没说到点上的感觉，应该可以换个方式说的更有力度和突出一些的。

Artists who compose art works do give society something worth to preserve forever. Art is to some extent a reserve of history. Most of art, including those fictions, come from people's daily lives which is the main content of history. Even though artists excel in mix 语法 their works with their inspiration and cause 这个词不大好，换个试试？有点NEGETIVE的感觉 them lost their normal appearance in reality, they are still trying to reflect the reality, which will become history after decades or hundreds of years. Epic poems of Homer have been portrayed as the greatest works in ancient Greek, and now archaeologists found the relic of Troy City in Turkish seacoast, which means that the characterization of the Trojan War in Iliad and Odyssey might be true. Whether it was true or not, we still could know about the Greek culture in 700 B.C.E., which is a record of history.
个人以为还是与论点的关系不是很明确，虽然整个一段例子选的很好。换句话说，你的TOPIC是两者都GIVE SOCIETY PRODUCTS WITH LASTING VALUE。这段先说了ARTISTS，但是从哪方面入手比较好应该再考虑一下。这个例子的叙述也有不妥当的地方，就是因为要涉及的是ARTISTS可以留下一些LASTING VALUE的问题，这样说的话好象成了能否证实某个史实是否能够成立了。有点偏离了这段的论点。如果我的理解有出入，我们再讨论。


IMONG的特训值得好好的研究的,多多加油,第一次写,已经很好了,我很喜欢你选的例子,有文学功底的感觉,多多运用一定能使你的文章出采的,加油!

[ Last edited by 11yaoyao on 2005-10-27 at 22:42 ]

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赞 11  ..~~

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When I reviewed it several days later, I found that it was some kind of vague in      the meaning and expressing. That is my biggest problem--have difficulty to express directly and explicitly. I'll try again.

Thanks a lot.