argument140 【kito临考限时之作】求拍~~

kito9695UID：209685

TOPIC: ARGUMENT140 - The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."
WORDS: 598          TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2006-2-24

Having unduly relied on a series of fallacious reasoning without considering other possible alternatives, the arguer unfairly believes that without giving Professor Thomas a raise and promotion, she will leave Elm City University for another college. However, a careful scrutiny reveals several illogical points as follows, which, to my viewpoint, make the argument unfound and dubious.

First and foremost, the argument is not so cogent as it assumes the stated correlation between Professor Thomas's teaching ability and the popularity of her class.  In fact, some other possibilities should be taken into consideration. A quite probable possibility is that as her classes are the required ones in Elm City University, students of a large amount must go and have it. For example, given that her class is mathematic, not only required but also difficult, then how could we draw the conclusion that it is her teaching ability that actually contributes to her classes' popularity? In addition, it is also possible that she always give students who going to her classes a higher score comparing to other teachers, so it is natural that her classes can make such a attraction. In that case, before a investigation to the students of her class about the real reason for going to her class, the evidence sited in the argument could not convince me.

Second, the mere fact that she brought more money to the university in research which exceeded her salary in the last two years could not convince us that she holds good research ability. What was the actual amount of the money she brought to her university? How much would the total exceed her salary if she only had a 10,000-dollar salary that year, 1 dollar or 10,000 dollars? Was that money a large amount compared to other teachers in the same university? We just don’t know. Further, we might also ask: what is the situation before the two years? Or what will it be in the following years? That is to say, will she, Professor Thomas, continue to bring a lager amount of money than her salary to the Elm City University. Accordingly, if these missing information were well presented and in the arguer’s favor, the argument would be much sounder than it currently is.

In addition, even if we concede that Professor Thomas have great teaching and research abilities, however, no absolutely evidence indicating that she would like to leave Elm City University is provided. And what is worse, whether she is satisfying her salary and position or not are not mentioned either. She may, in fact, love her job very much be quite content with her job rather than going for other universities. The scenario mentioned above, if true, would serve to undermine the credibility of what the arguer claims about Professor Thomas' research ability.

Last but not least, even if Professor Thomas want a raise of her salary and also a promotion, will 10,000 dollars be enough, or will the Department Chairperson is what she would like to be? Perhaps, she is like to have a rise about 20,000 dollars, how can the solution mentioned in the argument prevent Professor Thomas from leaving for other universities? The arguer fails to considerate Professor Thomas own idea about her salary rise and promotion, and consequently make his conclusion rather untenable and presumptuous.

In conclusion, a more complete understanding about Professor Thomas intent as well as  further investigation about her real ability and other factors must be taken into account. The arguer fails to do that, and thus make the argument not cogent and well- well-articulated as it stands.

yogurt4UID：198389

jingjingtousUID：2164820

这篇版主已经索定，我不不拍拉，呵呵

yogurt4UID：198389

TOPIC: ARGUMENT140 - The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."
WORDS: 598          TIME: 上午 12:30:00          DATE: 2006-2-24

Having unduly relied on a series of fallacious reasoning without considering other possible alternatives 如果考试的时候时间紧张，without这半句就可以不要, the arguer unfairly believes that without giving Professor Thomas a raise and promotion, she will leave Elm City University for another college. However, a careful scrutiny reveals several illogical points as follows, which, to in吧 my viewpoint, make the argument unfound and dubious.

没有什么毛病，但是感觉不太利索，比如however，a careful scrutiny这句，本来没有什么内容，你拉得太长了一点。

First and foremost, the argument is not so cogent as it 这里用个unfairly就可以 assumes the stated stated到底是什么关系？说明白呀。 correlation between Professor Thomas's 这里所有格错了 teaching ability and the popularity of her class.  In fact, some other possibilities should be taken into consideration. A quite probable possibility is that as her classes are the required ones in Elm City University, students of a large amount must go and have it. For example, given that her class is mathematic 怎么成了mathematics,题目说了这人是植物学教授，而且没有必要做这么细的解释。, not only required but also difficult, then how could we draw the conclusion that it is her teaching ability that actually contributes to her classes' popularity? In addition 有了also,前面就不要in addition, it is also possible that she always give students who going 语法错误 to her classes a higher score 一般用泛指，higher scores comparing to other teachers, so it is natural that her classes can make such a attraction. In that case, before a
an investigation to the students of her class about the real reason for going to her class, the evidence sited in the argument could not convince me.

在你原来的基础上稍微改了一下。
First, this argument assumes the size of Professor Thomas’ class indicates her teaching ability. Yet a number of other possibilities may also account for her popularity. Perhaps Professor Thomas’ courses are required ones in schedule, so many students have to take them, regardless of her instructing skills. It is also possible that she always….before investigating on the real reason for students’ going her classes, the arguer can not convince me of Professor Thomas’ teaching ability through the size of her classes.

Second, the mere fact that she brought more money to the university in research research grants研究经费which exceeded her salary in the last two years could not convince us that she holds good research ability. What was the actual amount of the money she brought to her university? How much would the total exceed her salary if she only had a 10,000-dollar salary that year, 1 dollar or 10,000 dollars? Was that money a large amount compared to other teachers 注意这里比较的对象 in the same university? We just don’t know. 所以呢？这里怎么就停下来了，点明grants可能很少，微不足道 Further, we might also ask: what is the situation before the two years two years ago? Or what will it be in the following years? That is to say, will she, Professor Thomas, continue to bring a lager amount of money than her salary to the Elm City University. Accordingly, if these missing information were well presented and in the arguer’s favor, the argument would be much sounder when claiming the research ability of Professor Thomas. than it currently is.

前面排比做了N种可能的说明，不错。但是设问回答的力度太弱。插一句，argument尽量少用反问，逻辑错误其实都比较明显，考官就是想看你把反面的情形明明白白点出来~！不要哽在喉咙里。Further后面稍微乱的一点，提出了教授能不能继续争取到研究经费的问题。可是究竟能不能争取到钱，和有没有research ability,中间还隔了一层。Ms你写到这里的时候，把研究能力的问题忘的差不多了。其次，2年前的状况你也提到了，可是没做任何说明。比如，是不是2年前系里的别的牛人树立了名声，他走了之后，不管谁来，professor thomas接替了他的位置，别人都会给系里捐钱。我只是打个比方。考试的时候写不了这么多。意思是你既然提到了某个问题，就要展开稍微说明一下。

In addition, even if we concede that Professor Thomas have has possessed great teaching and research abilities, however, no absolutely evidence indicating that she would like to leave Elm City University is provided 别扭的句子。Evidence indicates就行了. And what is worse ？？？, whether she is satisfying her salary and position or not are not mentioned either. She may, in fact, love her job very much be quite content with her job rather than going for other universities. 这个句子有毛病。The scenario mentioned above, if true, would serve to delete serve to undermine the credibility of what the arguer claims about Professor Thomas' research ability 落脚点又不对，怎么又绕到研究能力上去了？看你这一段的ts.

这一段跳跃有点大。题目说此人有教学和研究能力，所以建议给她加工资并升职。应该是，就算她有能力，我们是不是该给她提高待遇？看看其他老师的表现，是不是有比她还好的？她的领导能力怎么样？也许不适合当主任。
然后才是，即使我们没有给她这些东西，through she deserves a raise and promotion 她也不一定离开学校。

Last but not least last but not least,是口语，aw正规文体中要避免使用, even if Professor Thomas want a raise of her salary and also a promotion, will 10,000 dollars be enough, or will the Department Chairperson is what she would like to be? Perhaps, she is like to have a rise about 20,000 dollars, how can the solution mentioned in the argument prevent Professor Thomas from leaving for other universities? The arguer fails to considerate Professor Thomas own idea about her salary rise and promotion, and consequently make his conclusion rather untenable and presumptuous.

你写的这个不能算是主要的错误。可以写，但是要注意一下和上一段内容之间的关系。上一段是说她不一定走，那么就是留了。这一段看上去是钱不够，或者职位不好的好，也留不住她？有点怪的说。

In conclusion, a more complete understanding about Professor Thomas Thomas’ intent as well as  further investigation about her real ability and other factors must be taken into account. The arguer fails to do that, and thus make the argument not cogent and well- well-articulated as it stands. 结尾还不错

意见都提在段里了。单独说一下语言。有的地方，比如我给你指的开头，句子里面有形式话表达堆砌之嫌。然后是段内，句子之间的连贯性不是很好，要使用合适的信号词。没什么大问题，说的还是比较清晰的。

Mm要考试了，我还批的节么狠。其实U写的还是8错的。偶面是高标准严要求，鸡蛋里面挑骨头，才能anti-bt ets.继续加油,要解放了^^