Issue150 技术与旅游，6G高频，初步限时成功，互相拍砖，互相促进！！！

ZEALPALADINUID：192560

Issue150: 491 words  45 minutes
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.

提纲
1、        电视和网络不能取代亲身经历
2、        有了电视和网络的帮助，旅游变得更加的简单和经济，而不是过时。

正文

The speaker claims that tourism will become obsolete as a result of the worldwide computer and television connections. I basically do not agree with the speaker's claim. In my view, the information transmitted by television and computer cannot displace the experience of field travel. Meanwhile, with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will become easier and better experience for human being.

To begin with, the images, sounds and introduction about scenic spots broadcasted by TV program and computer connections cannot displace the field traveling experience. When people browse this information, they tend to become passive receivers. Browsers may just acquire some basic information about the places introduced. On the contrary, when tourists visit certain resorts, they have chances to communicate with local citizens, try native foods, smell the fragrant flowers, take part in the local customs and feel the unique atmosphere in the place they visit. Only by arriving at the very places, can tourists have that experience. Clearly, TV program and Internet may not give the fantastic feeling to tourists but some introductory information. And when people are interested in a certain place, they might choose to a tour to that places as long as they can afford instead of browsing information through TV and Internet.
In addition, as looking for maximum profit become the main purpose of many tourism companies, the commercials and advertisement of these companies on TV and internet may exaggerate the real conditions of the scenic spots to attract more people to spend money on their lines of tour. And then people who have never been to spots cannot tell whether it is worth visiting or not.

Furthermore, with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will not become obsolete but more prosperous. In old days, people cannot have any direct and clear information about certain place without the help of television and Internet. They may ask tourist guide or friends who have been to that place for help. Nowadays, not only can people surf the Internet or watch TV programs for specific information before they deal a plan of traveling, they may also book reservations and tickets through Internet. Moreover, the information transmitted by television and Internet serves so specific and direct guidance that tourists may not need tourist guide any longer. People can even look for partners or companies who intend to visit the same spots, which may turn out to be more economic from both sides. From the above analysis, we can see that television and Internet can give people more vivid information about the scenic spots or familiarity to people, but it will not make tourism obsolete but more prosperous.

To sum up, as the speaker suggests in the former part of his or her assertion, television and computer connections provide people with more information and familiarity about the places they have never been to. But that kind of help can be contributions to more prosperous instead of obsolete tourism industry.

lingli_xiaoaiUID：172506

The speaker claims that tourism will become obsolete as a result of the worldwide computer and television connections. I basically do not agree with the speaker's claim. In my view, the information transmitted by television and computer cannot displace the experience of field travel. Meanwhile, 应该不是同时，而是反而吧？with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will become easier and better experience for human being.

To begin with, the images, sounds and introduction about scenic spots broadcasted by TV program and computer connections cannot displace the field traveling experience. When people browse this（指代不明） information, they tend to become passive receivers. Browsers may just acquire some basic information about the places introduced. On the contrary, when tourists visit certain resorts, they have chances to communicate with local citizens, try native foods, smell the fragrant flowers（这个和前后不搭调, take part in the local customs and feel 这个词和后面的搭配很奇怪 the unique atmosphere in the place they visit. Only by arriving at the very places, 没有逗号吧？can tourists have that experience. Clearly, TV program and Internet may not give the fantastic feeling to tourists but some introductory information. And 是不是应该是so，感觉是因果关系，如果后面是你的论据，就犯了立论没有证明的错误。when people are interested in a certain place, they might choose to a tour to that places as long as they can afford instead of browsing information through TV and Internet.

In addition, as looking for maximum profit become the main purpose of many tourism companies, the commercials and advertisement of these companies on TV and internet may exaggerate the real conditions of the scenic spots to attract more people to spend money on their lines of tour. And then people who have never been to spots cannot tell whether it is worth visiting or not.这一段有点不好，有很多臆断性的结论，首先任何公司都是把利益的最大化作为考虑，你后面的推测完全是没有根据的。2，你把旅游者去旅行的目的说成是去考察广告到底是不是真的了，有点离题。总之这一段基本上没有太大的价值，觉得有点突兀。

Furthermore, with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will not become obsolete but more prosperous. In old days, people cannot have any direct and clear information about certain place without the help of television and Internet. They may ask tourist guide or friends who have been to that place for help. Nowadays, not only can people surf the Internet or watch TV programs for specific information before they deal a plan of traveling, they may also book reservations and tickets through Internet.这样原来不为人知的缺乏宣传的好地方会有更多人去 Moreover, the information transmitted by television and Internet serves so specific and direct guidance that tourists may not need tourist guide any longer. People can 这个句子用的太多，不是people can 就是 they 感觉有点太单调，缺乏变化。 even look for partners or companies who intend to visit the same spots, which may turn out to be more economic from both sides.这样没有多少钱的人也可以旅游。 From the above analysis, we can see that television and Internet can give people more vivid information about the scenic spots or familiarity to people, but it will not make tourism obsolete but more prosperous.文章中加上我用中文表达的句子，才算是直接证明了你的论点，就是让旅游业繁荣，不要省句子，要把问题说到家，不要太点到为止。这一段是你三个理由段里面写得最好的。

To sum up, as the speaker suggests in the former part of his or her assertion, television and computer connections provide people with more information and familiarity about the places they have never been to. But that 这个代词用在这里很别扭，什么帮助，直接说比较好，毕竟你前面没有提到帮助这个词，指代得让人觉得困惑 kind of help can be contributions to more prosperous instead of obsolete 是名词？感觉不对。 tourism industry.

总的来说，还不错，句子有点缺乏变化，开头结尾有点太简单。理由段B1，B3都还可以，B2有点让我困惑，我是不太能认同，而且也觉得没有什么必要存在的段落。

ZEALPALADINUID：192560

感谢lingli_xiaoai的批改

第三段的确突兀，原本是想放在2段一起的，现在看不如放后面，做个让步，即技术的进步有可能给旅游业带来的负面影响，这样会不会好些呢？

另外，关于句式的变化，一直很头疼，很什么有效的办法能够在10天里让句式丰富起来呢？

无论如何非常感谢

lingli_xiaoaiUID：172506

Originally posted by ZEALPALADIN at 2005-7-10 21:52
第三段的确突兀，原本是想放在2段一起的，现在看不如放后面，做个让步，即技术的进步有可能给旅游业带来的负面影响，这样会不会好些呢？

我觉得这样也可以,是一个不错的办法

至于句子的变化,在范文里面找几个常用的,然后在练习的时候有意识多用用,应该就可以凑活了,你本来也写得不错的.

ahqiuUID：207682

粗略看了一下，提纲还是不错的，明天再上再给你改哈
想跟你们讨论一下，我的前几个观点和你的差不多
我的保留是人们的收入水平不一样，多于收入不高的人来说，更倾向于上网看看，对于他们来说这也是另一种方式的旅游，毕竟人们是不可能去每个想去的地方，受到钱和时间的限制
不知这样保留是否扣题阿

ZEALPALADINUID：192560

to lingli_xiaoai

感谢鼓励

to ahqiu

如何界定哪些人才是有足够的钱去旅游呢？比较难界定，这会使让步没啥力度，个人意见

ahqiuUID：207682

The speaker claims that tourism will become obsolete as a result of the worldwide computer and television connections.(我觉得最好不要把 television and worldwide computer connections调过来说)I basically do not agree with the speaker's claim. In my view, the information transmitted by television and computer cannot displace the experience of field travel. Meanwhile,（不要用同时，on the contrary） with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will become easier and better experience for human being(beings).

To begin with, the images, sounds and introduction about scenic spots broadcasted by TV program and computer connections cannot displace the field traveling experience. When people browse this information, they tend to become passive receivers. Browsers may just acquire some basic information about the places introduced. On the contrary, when tourists visit certain resorts, they have chances to communicate with local citizens, try native foods, smell the fragrant flowers, take part in the local customs and feel the unique atmosphere in the place they visit. Only by arriving at the very places, can tourists have that experience. Clearly,（Obviously） TV program and Internet may not give the fantastic feeling to tourists but (觉得可以改成except，不过你的也没错)some introductory information. And when（改成如果可以吗，suppose that） people are interested in a certain place, they might choose to a tour to that（those） places as long as they can afford instead of browsing information through TV and Internet.

In addition, as looking for maximum profit become the main purpose of many tourism companies, the commercials and advertisement of these companies on TV and internet may exaggerate the real conditions of the scenic spots to attract more people to spend money on their lines of tour. And then people who have never been to spots cannot tell whether it is worth visiting or not.(如果这么说的话，那些information怎么能给人们参考价值呢，都是些夸大了的，反而我觉得宣传片都是给了人们那个景点最美的一面，同时还有各个季节的不同景色，你去一个地方一般只会在某一个季节去，所以那些information可以给人们一些参考，而你说的夸大，应该是旅游公司的服务吧)
Furthermore, with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will not become obsolete but more prosperous. In old days, people cannot（过去时，could not） have any direct and clear information about certain place without the help of television and Internet. (写成in order to ~~~,they may probably~~~的句式比较好，否则感觉你那句话太短了)They may ask tourist guide or friends who have been to that place for help. Nowadays, not only can people surf the Internet or watch TV programs for specific information before they deal a plan of traveling, they may also book reservations and tickets through Internet.（我怎么觉得写成people can not only~~but also~~~比较简洁一些呢）

Moreover, the information transmitted by television and Internet serves so specific and direct guidance that tourists may not need tourist guide（用need guide any more就可以了吧） any longer. People can even look for(到哪儿去look for，简短地说一下也好啊，through internet) partners or companies who intend to visit the same spots, which may turn out to be more economic from(for) both sides. From the above analysis,（这里就开始总结了？？，这段话本来就不是很长，还是不要的好，而且这句话语前面重复阿，最后sum up又接着说这句话，都让人看烦了，呵呵 ） we can see that television and Internet can give people more vivid information about the scenic spots or familiarity to people, but it will not make tourism obsolete but more prosperous.(两个but连在一起，不好，)（furthermore和moreover在结构上又没有问题，我也不太清楚，就是在考虑一下的好）
To sum up, as the speaker suggests in the former part of his or her assertion（of the assertion）, television and computer connections provide people with more information and familiarity about the places they have never been to. But that kind of help can (改成contribute to,因为你的help不可数，而contributions 又是复数，总觉得好怪) be contributions to more prosperous instead of obsolete tourism industry.
你的文章写的很好了，再那么短的时间内，使我改到的最好的一篇了，真是羡慕ing~~~
上面说的问题都不是什么大问题，只是为了挑错，呵呵
真的很厉害

ahqiuUID：207682

谢谢你的建议，我改得不好，因为你写的好，没什么可以改的，可以讨论一下
吃饭去先，有事留言

ZEALPALADINUID：192560

感谢ahqiu如此仔细的修改，很多错误比如两个BUT连用，都是在限时的情况下犯的，看样子还是要多限时

ahqiuUID：207682

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

ahqiuUID：207682

这是ahqiu的第一篇，麻烦你帮我改改行吗？呵呵

flfengUID：2111823

The speaker claims that tourism will become obsolete as a result of the worldwide computer and television connections. I basically do not agree with the speaker's claim. In my view, the information transmitted by television and computer cannot displace the experience of field travel. Meanwhile, with the contribution of television and Internet, tourism will become easier and better experience for human being.

To begin with, the images, sounds and introduction about scenic spots broadcasted by TV program and computer connections cannot displace the field traveling experience. 这里完全和开头重复，换个写法，改点内容。When people browse this information, they tend to become passive receivers. Browsers may just acquire some basic information about the places introduced. On the contrary, when tourists visit certain resorts, they have chances to communicate with local citizens, try native foods, smell the fragrant flowers, take part in the local customs and feel the unique atmosphere in the place they visit. Only by arriving at the very places, can tourists have that experience. Clearly, TV program and Internet may not give the fantastic feeling to tourists but some introductory information（clearly TV program and internet can give you the impression of the good feeling of a fantastic travel which is viture and  are devoid of your own true taste）. And when people are interested in a certain place, they might choose to a tour to that places as long as they can afford instead of browsing information through TV and Internet.我认为一点一下子就说干净，分成几块感觉脱塔，宁可不要，不要太重于凑字数。
In addition, as looking for maximum profit become the main purpose of many tourism companies, the commercials and advertisement of these companies on TV and internet may exaggerate the real conditions of the scenic spots to attract more people to spend money on their lines of tour. And then people who have never been to spots cannot tell whether it is worth visiting or not.

Furthermore, Internet and watch TV program serve as stimulus that arouse people interests of going out and seeing by the vivid pictures and gorgeous short traveling video clips, which will, other than making tourism obsolete, bring prosperity to the ever growing tourism industry.  In old days, people cannot have any direct and clear information about certain place without the help of television and Internet. They may ask tourist guide or friends who have been to that place for help. Nowadays, not only can people surf the Internet or watch TV programs for specific information before they deal a plan of traveling, they may also book reservations and tickets through Internet. Moreover, the information transmitted by television and Internet serves so specific and direct guidance that tourists may not need tourist guide any longer. People can even look for partners or companies who intend to visit the same spots, which may turn out to be more economic from both sides. From the above analysis, we can see that television and Internet can give people more vivid information about the scenic spots or familiarity to people, but it will not make tourism obsolete but more prosperous.

To sum up, as the speaker suggests in the former part of his or her assertion, television and computer connections provide people with more information and familiarity about the places they have never been to. But that kind of help can be contributions to more prosperous instead of obsolete tourism industry.