ISSUE121 处女作超时7分钟！请拍砖！

zehuaUID: 199246

题目：At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural rather than human processes. Thus there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts especially at a great cost in money and jobs to save endangered species.
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The author asserts that many species have become extinct due to natural forces, therefore it is not our responsibility to spend great effort and sums of money to save the species. The conclusion seems tempting on the basis that during long geological period many species have disappeared under the control of natural forces, especially before humane exist. However, the arguer has overlooked several important factors that human have on the extinction of species.

It might be tempting to agree with the author that during the past long geological periods, many species have become extinct as a result of natural processes. Once as the hegemonists on the earth, dinosaurs died out overnight mysteriously under natural forces, which is putatively accepted as a result of asteroid hitting the earth. Geologists provide the evidence that although there were over a hundred billion species on the earth ten thousand years ago, there were only less than fifty billion left immediately prior to human existence. It is clear that these species have disappeared as a result of natural processes. According to Darwin's theory, thousands of hundreds of species will naturally die out lacking the adaptability to survive, which is a natural selective process. It is neither possible nor necessary to save these species. Thus, we have to face the fact that natural processes have eliminated many species through selection.

However, the foci would be too narrow if we over-emphasis on the natural processes, therefore overlooking the important role human have played in leading the species to extinction. Geologists tell us that the total number of species have reduced from ten billion, which is immediately before human existence, to less than 10 million, in a relatively short period of five thousand years. Comparing the rate of extinction before and after human existence, we can clearly see that humanity activity has greatly accelerated the extinction rate of the species. With certain activities, human have unconsciously exacerbated the environment on which the species rely to survive. For example, the effort to burn forests out for grazing and agricultural lands would force all of the species living in the forest to migrate. With the advances of industry revolutions, human are now affecting the environment more than ever, the air and water pollution serious, and the thickness of the ozonosphere above the anti arctic area at all time lows. Any one of these destructions alone can lead to the extinction of thousands of species, not to say all of them taking effect all together. Since it is human who have played more important role in leading the species to extinction, it is obviously our responsibility to save these species.

The effort for saving the species would be especially wise if we consider the fact that saving the species is equal to saving ourselves. Since the associations between species are extremely sophisticated, it is entirely possible that extinction of one species, as a prey will lead to the extinction of a predator which lives on that prey. Human, as a role of a species in nature, will inevitably be affected, when the other species die out. What would happen to human, suppose all of the plants have died out, no fish swimming in the river, and no birds flying in the sky? We should realize that while pollution can kill thousands of species, it can kill ourselves as well. Therefore we would have to take some actions in no time to restore the environment.

In the final analysis, the extinction of species is mainly due to human activity, and such activity can affect human as well. Therefore we should immediately take every effort to restore the environment and save the species.

[ Last edited by zehua on 2005-7-15 at 19:18 ]

zehuaUID: 199246

郁闷。没人看啊。。。。。。。

zehuaUID: 199246

不好意思，又加上了1句话。所以总时间其实算54分钟。

执着UID: 191613

The author asserts that many species have become extinct due to natural forces, therefore it is not our responsibility to spend great effort and sums of money jobs不能不提吧，修锐说题目里有and时，如A,B and C时，A,B,C都要提一下to save the species. The conclusion seems tempting on the basis that during long geological period many species have disappeared under the control of natural forces, especially before humanehuman exist. However, the arguer author更好一些，全篇统一,北美范文里多数是用speakerhas overlooked overlooks 一般现在时就行吧several important factors that human have done on the extinction of species.

It might be tempting to agree with the author that during the past long geological periods, many species have become extinct as a result of natural processes. Once the hegemonists on the earth, dinosaursFor example, dinosaurs, once the hegemonists on the Earth, died out overnight mysteriously under natural forces, which is are putatively accepted as a result of asteroid hitting the earth Earth虽然金山上有on the earth，但我觉得还是Earth较好，用google搜了一下，还是大写的多. Geologists provide the evidence that although there were over a hundred billion species on the earthEarth ten thousand years ago, there were only less than fifty billion left immediately prior to human existence.物种减少一半是因为asteroid幢地球后与dinosaurs一起灭绝的吗？如果不是，在Geologist前加Still,geologist It is clear that these species have disappeared as a result of natural processes. According to Darwin's theory, thousands of hundreds of species will naturally die out for lacking the adaptability to survive, which is a natural selective process. It is neither possible nor necessary to save these species. 这句话可以不要，因本段是论证人类存在前的物种灭绝的事实，去不去save都无济于事，主要是部分承认作者的观点，是自然的力量造成了许多物种的灭绝。但如果在该句前再加上一句说这种自然灭绝的过程在人类出现后也一直存在着，这句就可以要，而且逻辑更完整一些Thus, we have to face the fact that natural processes have eliminated many species through selection.

However, the foci would be too narrow if we over-emphasis on the natural processes, therefore overlooking the important role human have played in leading the species to extinction. Geologists tell us that the total number of species have reduced from ten billion上一段说less than fifty billion,现在却是10 billion，误差较大，核对一下数据来源, which is immediately before human existence, to less than 10 million这个10 million的时间？是现在？限定一下更完整, in a relatively short period of five thousand years. Comparing the rate of extinction before and after human existence,这个时间限定比较模糊（主要是after），人类存在后的多长时间？如果是人类刚存在的话，那不该是人类的原因 we can clearly see that humanity activity has greatly accelerated the extinction rate of the species. 上面的这个统计数据如果不是很清楚的话，不如不用，因为第二段已经用过该类型的证明手法，不如在下面再多加一两种，如沙漠化，或更加充分的论证人类对物种灭绝起的破坏作用，With certain activities, human have unconsciously exacerbated the environment on which the species rely to survive. For example, the effort to burn forests out for grazing and agricultural lands would force all of the species living in the forest to migrate. With the advances of industry revolutions, human are now affecting the environment more than ever, the air and water pollution serious, and the thickness of the ozonosphere above the anti arctic area at all time lows. Any one of these destructions alone can lead to the extinction of thousands of species, not to say all of them taking effect all together. Since it is human who have played more important role in leading the species to extinction, it is obviously our responsibility to save these species.

The effort for saving the species would be especially wise if we consider the fact that saving the species is equal to saving ourselves. Since the associations between species are extremely sophisticated, it is entirely possible that extinction of one species, as a prey will lead to the extinction of a predator which lives on that prey. Human, as a role of a species in nature, will inevitably be affected, when the other species die out. What would happen to human, suppose all of the plants have died out, no fish swimming in the river, and no birds flying in the sky? We should realize that while pollution can kill thousands of species, it can kill ourselves as well. Therefore we would have to take some actions in no time to restore the environment主题句有点太绝对了，应该说的确一些物种的灭绝是人类造成的，在我们力所能及的情况下我们应该挽救，而且当威胁到人类生存的时候，我们更应该倾力去做。
In the final analysis, the extinction of species is mainly due to human activity, and such activity can affect human as well. Therefore we should immediately take every effort to restore the environment and save the species.前后不太呼应，第二段毕竟还承认了自然导致物种灭绝，怎么现在一边倒了？ 还是让步说全一点好。

总的来说第一次能在这么短 的时间内写出还是很羡慕，我还不行，限时达不到。

[ Last edited by 执着 on 2005-7-16 at 08:30 ]

麦兜^@^UID: 199345

Since the associations between species are extremely sophisticated, it is entirely possible that extinction of one species.
里面的术语用的不地道,你去查一下自然科学方面的书籍,你associations between species are extremely sophisticated 这样写 ,老美看不明白的,  还有 后面那句 可以改为extinction of one species can not be avoid
这样的语序比较好.

还有就是在文章中不要用到author ,这个只是一个观点  不用写什么作者.

其他还有一些小毛病,我就不一一列举了.

再就是 ,你这篇文章还是偏重于 人类应该倾其所有去挽救生物的生存,在你最后一段可以很明显的看出来.这与你第二段不是非常符合,

你整篇文章 所指出的立场就是 以前人类不存在时的生物灭绝人类不用负责任,但现在因为人类活动造成的灭绝,人类要负全责.这个观点似乎偏激了一点点,不过你在文章中运用的例子还是很好,你在文章中应该说 生物的自然选择定律人类也无法打破,只能说我们要为生物创造出最适合他们生存的环境,但就像恐龙灭绝一样,有些物种的消失是无可避免的.
Therefore we should immediately take every effort to restore the environment and save the species.
最后这句,你似乎否定了人类以前所做出的努力,你应该肯定以前的努力,并且说应该继续这样下去. 或者应该如何改善之类,如果你自己有一个想法的话,可以提出一些合理化建议.    总的来说,写的还是可以,就是用语不是十分地道,还有记住我的话哦,举出你自己的例证的时候一定要用肯定语气,太多的可能,也许会让别人觉得无法信服.


恩......如果还有问题,尽管来问我,呵呵 虽然我也不是很会,不过我会尽可能的帮助你的~~~^^一起努力吧~~~~~~~贡吧内!!!!!:handshake

zehuaUID: 199246

感动啊。。。。。。
执着和麦兜^@^得评价都对我很有帮助。大家一起努力啊！

greatailUID: 201404

What is the main factor that results in the extinction of many species? The answer may differ from person to person depending on their different experiences, work backgrounds (standpoints) value system and sense of responsibility. Many people may argue that it is the natural process which plays the most considerable part, a viewpoint which is also supported by the author. However, others may persist that it is human's duty to spare no effort to save endangered species because of great destruction brought by human process, and it is also my view of point.

To begin with, it is true that natural processes have brought about extinction of some species through natural selection, but it have no negative influence on the balance of ecosystem. No one can deny that natural selection have made the world more advanced by washing out those weak species. There are numerous related examples in the life. The evolutional history of human beings can serve as a suitable example. By eliminating those species that can not walk erectly and were too weak to resist common virus, our primitive ancestors finally evolved into modern human beings. This example illustrates the point that natural process are in fact beneficial rather than detrimental to the life-form world.

Furthermore, it is universally acknowledged that human processes have brought about many serious environmental problems which have also threatened human health. Human processes, such as vehicle ejection, industrial pollution, endlessly destructive wood cutting and so forth, have made the world no longer a suitable place to live. There are more and more pollution-related illness which conduce extinction of certain species and place the health of human beings at risk as well. In addition, maintaining the diversity of species is also beneficial to the whole ecosphere, including human beings.

Another point which deserves some words here is that devoting money and energy to environmental protection is worthwhile while taking into account the benefits in the long run. It is irrational for people always being concerned with short-term and instant interests. One of the main differences between human beings and other animals is that the former can take into account the long-term benefits. Being human beings means we have to consider benefits of our decedents. It may cost us one million dollars today, but the value of  outcomes it brings are priceless .As a result, the undertakings which save endangered species should be placed in the first place and thus is worthy to be devoted much energy and money to.

To sum up, it is reasonable to disagree with the author because of the evident fallacies he committed in the statement. Admitting one's mistakes might be embarrassing but it represents one's sense of responsibility and courage, two main characters determining one's future success. By acknowledging these destructions human being have bring to the environment, it is urgent to take actions to protect species from extinction .By dong this, we can expect a balanced environment in the future.

zehuaUID: 199246

Originally posted by greatail at 2005-7-17 01:36
What is the main factor that results in the extinction of many species? The answer may differ from person to person depending on their different experiences, work backgrounds (standpoints) value sy ...

OK.晚上帮你看。现在要睡午觉啦！:lol

zehuaUID: 199246

What is the main factor that results in the extinction of many species? The answer may differ from person to person depending on their different experiences, work backgrounds (standpoints) value system and sense of responsibility.（冗长） Many people may argue that it is the natural process which plays the most considerable part, a viewpoint which is also supported by the author（去掉前半句）. However, others may persist that it is human's duty to spare no effort to save endangered species because of great destruction brought by human process, and it is also my view of point.（还是罗嗦。只说我怎么看就好了。开头不要超过3行，否则你的分就难看了！）

To begin with, it is true that natural processes have brought about extinction of some species through natural selection, but it have no negative influence on the balance of ecosystem（是吗？）. No one can deny that natural selection have made the world more advanced by washing out those weak species. There are numerous related examples in the life. The evolutional history of human beings can serve as a suitable example. By eliminating those species that can not walk erectly and were too weak to resist common virus, our primitive ancestors finally evolved into modern human beings. This example illustrates the point that natural process are in fact beneficial rather than detrimental to the life-form world.

Furthermore, it is universally acknowledged that human processes have brought about many serious environmental problems which have also threatened human health. Human processes, such as vehicle ejection, industrial pollution, endlessly destructive （of） wood cutting （这里最好用deforestation ）  and so forth, have made the world no longer a suitable place to live. There are more nd（？） more pollution-related illness which conduce extinction of certain species and place the health of human beings at risk as well. In addition, maintaining the diversity of species is also beneficial to the whole ecosphere, including human beings.

Another point which deserves some words（直接说strong argument） here is that devoting money and energy to environmental protection is worthwhile while taking into account the benefits in the long run. It is irrational for people always being concerned with short-term and instant interests. One of the main differences between human beings and other animals is that the former can take into account the long-term benefits. Being human beings means we have to consider benefits of our decedents. It may cost us one million dollars today, but the value of  outcomes it brings are priceless .As a result, the undertakings which save endangered species should be placed in the first place and thus is worthy to be devoted much energy and money to.

To sum up, it is reasonable to disagree（罗嗦） with the author because of the evident fallacies he committed in the statement. Admitting one's mistakes might be embarrassing but it represents one's sense of responsibility and courage, two main characters determining one's future success. By acknowledging these destructions human being have bring to the environment, it is urgent to take actions to protect species from extinction .By dong this, we can expect a balanced environment in the future.

总的说：逻辑上可以，但是语言上面太罗嗦。文章要写长才能拿高分，但那个等同于思想深度。而不是说1句话明明可以说3个词，非要说20个，这样反而不如写短点好。语法上的错误就不提了，这个对得分不是很关键。不过你的语法错误也不少。下次细心点哦！
建议多看范文。:lol

greatailUID: 201404

受用！
谢谢~~

^_^