argument166请指教，留连接必回拍

jamesprcUID: 2119791

Argument166  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：31分17秒     383 words/reworked 523 words
从2005年6月24日15时22分到2005年6月24日15时31分
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The following appeared in a local newspaper.
'People should not be misled by the advertising competition between Coldex and Cold-Away, both popular over-the-counter cold medications that anyone can purchase without a doctor's prescription. Each brand is accusing the other of causing some well-known, unwanted side effect: Coldex is known to contribute to existing high blood pressure and Cold-Away is known to cause drowsiness. But the choice should be clear for most health-conscious people: Cold-Away has been on the market for much longer and is used by more hospitals than is Coldex. Clearly, Cold-Away is more effective.'
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In this argument the author concludes that of the two cold medicines, Cold-Away is more effective than Coldex. To support his conclusion the author points out the side effects of the two medicine and states that Cold-Away has been on the market for much longer and is used by more hospitals than is Coldex. After careful scrutiny I find this argument flawed in several aspects.

To begin with, the author fails to give clear information on the side effects of the two cold medicines, especially the severity of the side effects. If the Cold-Away only causes minor increase in blood pressure while the drowsiness caused by Coldex will make people not capable of maintaining their everyday activities as working and studying for quite some time, the author can not conclude that Coldex is superior than Cold-Away. On the contrary if Cold-Away causes severe blood-pressure problems and Cold-Away only causes the minor drowsiness that would get over easily and last for very short times, the author's conclusion would be sound. Actually, the fact that the two medications can be purchased by anyone without a doctor's prescription indicates that both of the two medicines would not pose any major risk to people's health. However, without detailed information on the side effects the argument is not persuasive.

Further more, the fact that Cold-Away has been on the market for much longer lends no strong support to the author's conclusion. The length of time since its introduction and the number of hospitals in which the medication have been using does not equate to the essential indicator of its effectiveness. Perhaps the newly introduced medication is the product of the most advanced pharmaceutical achievements and thus is more effective than the old one. The  research and clinical data, instead of the enduring time, should be provided if the author wants to compare the effectiveness of the two medications.

Finally, the fact that Cold-Away is used in more hospitals amount to scant evidence of the author’s conclusion as well. Being used in more hospitals is does not necessarily mean that Cold-Away is used by more patients. Perhaps the Cold-Away is used mainly in small cliniques while Coldex are more welcomed in big hospitals. Perhaps the latter is sold better in drugstores than the former is. Even if the Cold-Away is indeed more widely used than Coldex, we still can not simply reach to the conclusion that Cold-Away is more effective. It is quite possible that the lower usage of Coldex in hospitals are due to its high price or incompetent advertisement competition with Cold-Away. There is still possibility that since the invention of Coldex is later than that of its opponent its recognition is still limited but in fast developing. These possible explanations, if true, would serve to refute the author's conclusion.

To sum up, the author fails to establish a solid causal relationship between his reasoning and his conclusion. To strengthen his conclusion, the author must provide more detailed information of the side effects of the two medications. I also need specific study on the effectiveness of them. With those listed above I could better assess the argument.

另外请问，contribute to existing high blood pressure 是说对已患高血压的人有影响，还是说对现在的高血压现象有影响？

[ Last edited by jamesprc on 2005-7-24 at 21:52 ]

mvpzhuangUID: 205051

In this argument the author concludes that of the two cold medicines, Cold-Away is more effective than Coldex. To support his conclusion the author points out the side effects of the two medicine and states that Cold-Away has been on the market for much longer and is used by more hospitals than is Coldex. After careful scrutiny I find this argument flawed in several aspects开头很好。只是如果句子表较长，中间用个逗号会好些。一看就知道楼主的基础扎实阿。句子结构好高级哦。5555楼有没有秘诀阿？To begin with, the author fails to give clear information on the side effects of the two cold medicines, especially the severity of the side effects. If the Cold-Away only causes minor increase in blood pressure while the drowsiness caused by Coldex will make people not capable of maintaining their everyday activities as working and studying for quite some time, the author can not conclude that Coldex is superior than Cold-Away.嗯，这点我没考虑到。而且句子好长啊。厉害！ On the contrary if Cold-Away causes severe blood-pressure problems and Cold-Away only causes the minor drowsiness that would get over easily and last for very short times, the author's conclusion would be sound.这一句让步，就个人而言觉得在arg中不用为妙，毕竟argi和ssue不同 Actually, the fact that the two medications can be purchased by anyone without a doctor's prescription indicates that both of the two medicines would not pose any major这里major不合适，应该是不会造成太大的。 risk to people's health. However, Moreover会不会好些？without detailed information on the side effects the argument is not persuasive.

Further more, the fact that Cold-Away has been on the market for much longer lends no strong support to the author's conclusion. The length of time since its introduction and the number of hospitals in which the medication have been using does not equate to the essential indicator of its effectiveness. Perhaps the newly introduced medication is the product of the most advanced pharmaceutical achievements and thus is more effective than the old one. The  research and clinical data, instead of the enduring time, should be provided if the author wants to compare the effectiveness of the two medications.

Finally, the fact that Cold-Away is used in more hospitals amount to scant evidence of the author’s conclusion as well. Being used in more hospitals is does not necessarily mean that Cold-Away is used by more patients. Perhaps the Cold-Away is used mainly in small cliniques while Coldex are more welcomed in big hospitals. Perhaps the latter is sold better in drugstores than the former is. Even if the Cold-Away is indeed more widely used than Coldex, we still can not simply reach to the conclusion that Cold-Away is more effective. It is quite possible that the lower usage of Coldex in hospitals are due to its high price or incompetent advertisement competition with Cold-Away. There is still possibility possible?that since the invention of Coldex is later than that of its opponent its recognition is still limited but in fast developing. These possible explanations, if true, would serve to refute the author's conclusion.

To sum up, the author fails to establish a solid causal relationship between his reasoning and his conclusion. To strengthen his conclusion, the author must provide more detailed information of the side effects of the two medications. I also need specific study on the effectiveness of them. With those listed above I could better assess the argument.
楼主，俺真的不晓得说什么了。如果楼主是限时写的，那么基本来说是篇6分作文，最少也是5.5。楼主是6月份写的，太强了！楼主的句子，语法，词语都用得很好。论证思路也是很清晰的。。。。俺尽力了。。。。
楼主帮帮我啊！！我写得太烂了，没信心写了。。。。。5555

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jamesprcUID: 2119791

文章是昨天写的，计算机日起错了。我也不是限时，修改前只有383字么。谢谢mvpzhuang!