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JianchuanUID: 2121431

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OddflyerUID: 209689

观点很独特,语言比我强n多,我找不出来语言上得问题,

45min写这么多,我pf死了

我8.19南京,唉估计要挂了

d_messiahUID: 177468

今天上寄托后改的第一篇

Should all nations help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems? The speaker believes yes, and I generally agree with this assertion. After all, though nowadays most of the world is enjoying the fruit of peace, we do have a lot of problems such as poverty, injustice, racial discrimination and so forth remaining unsolved. However, I also have some reasons for not doing so.第一段感觉在表述上有些问题，前面说基本同意，后面说不统一，而且不统一是用however给出的，很强的转折，明显是后面重些。而你在同意和不同意处用的词，我感觉语气都很强，造成一种混乱的感觉，至少给我的感觉。

To begin with, there is necessity to discuss the aim of university; and有分号，还必须and吗？还有，i believe似乎不太好，尤其在BODY部分 I believe that, university creates people the society wants. As long as the social is facing with the persistent problems, university has the responsibility to provide students to solve them. History saw university contributed to the world from time to time; just consider the greatest progresses in both natural and social science the world made in the past century, no one is convincing to deny the role university had played, both directly and indirectly. 最后一句话，这个分号用的有待商榷，后面是举例，前面是个概括性的句子。莫非为了写长句而故意为之？填空里分号是个做题点，想想都什么时候用分号......

In the second place, education as an investment does not pay back fast. To concern with the education system isolatedly, this system is always in debt, in other words , gains no money, for the role that the university plays. 有些别扭，逗号太多了吧，分两句感觉也不错的 University has an external effect on the society, so there is necessity to provide university fund to make it thrive. In other aspect, university alone can not afford the cost of such huge persistent-social-problem-solving plan. Therefore, the sponsor on university is both necessary and sufficient. For example, the PRC government provides Tsinghua University and Beijing University each with 1 billion RMB to develop, and I am so glad to see 话的口气有些......the nation began to take on such responsibility to the world.
实在忍不住了，题目里是在强调大学如何如何吗？是对现有的大学投资的讨论吗？那时另一个issue 题的主题。说了这么多，加上开头也没有体现出这种全球性合作，感觉没有正确入题，恐怕......

However, I also和前面是一个层面吗？ have some reasons to disagree with the support plan. Education is a scarcity resource; too much concentration on the only global university would inevitably weaken the ability for the whole system to provide education to the whole society.这个理由感觉和题目撤的远了 The sponsor may even lead to new social problems in itself. Again take the fund on Tsinghua and Beijing University as an example; only these two schools enjoy such finance support, however, there are thousands of universities in China run out of money.例子有问题，不说事实对否，和题目拧了，清华，北大的事，这里你讲的是中国自己的事，题目中的那么大的all nations没注意到？崩溃了

To list more, still consider the goal of university, in other word, education. University should, above all, provide student the skill to live on. In the absence of such ability, concerning the social matter is ungrounded. In addition, should all nations才出现啊，估计考官可能都不会看到这了 provide their universities finance to design to engage students in the problem-solving process. I disagree, for some countries in the world are still thrive to develop their economy. It is unfair, even cruel; to spur such country, with low productively, take on responsibility to the programs. 再说一句就更好了，“这些问题不是普遍的问题”，在我看来，这就到点子上了 Furthermore, although might sound cynical, I don't believe that those so-called persistent social problems could be absolutely solved. I have long abandoned the notion that some day the human beings would enjoy a communism society, in which there is no conflicts, no social grates, and so on. What we can do is to get know to the conflict and control them. 后面i用的多了些，给人的感觉没有了说服力

To sum up, I agree to support the development of a global university only when the society have both spare money and satisfied the demand of education from the majority. Further more, I hold pessimistic opinion on the view that we can finally solve the persistent problems.


小结一下吧
语言，感觉有些地方画蛇添足，不过很好，比我的好
最大的问题，我觉得你没有很好的入题，就是说没有很好的识别题目的真正主题，具体的我想我在文章中已经说了。在我看来，这里题目说的主题是，为了解决一些普遍的问题，所有国家都应该支持建一所，或者说发展一所国际性大学。这个所有国际的联合才是关键的地方
个人意见

sigma_zxUID: 2122169

终于有比较专业滴热心人来了
替楼主高兴中...
三楼改的很细，很专业的说
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