issue150 恳请互拍 欢迎狂拍 必回！

felixyangUID: 199223

issue150
Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
提纲：
1. 的确有一少部分人在详细了解了那些他们没有去过的地方后，就不再想去了。
2. 但是大部分人在知道了那些关于他们没有去过的地方后，更加想去了，because:
    a. The function of tourism can not be replaced by just knowing information from television and computer.
    b. The transmission of information about resorts from television and computer can facilitate the development of tourism.

正文：
The speaker asserts that the transmission of information about those sightseeing places from television and worldwide computer connections can contribute to the facts that tourism will soon become obsolete. I admit that there may be some people after their knowing the information about those resorts reluctantly to visit the place again. However, more and more people will be activated by the information to visit those places they have never visited, that is to say, tourism will never become obsolete.

Due to television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with those places they have never visited before. Admittedly, to those people who dislike outdoor activities but want to know more information about resorts, after their knowing the detailed information about those resorts, they will seldom be willing to visit those places again. With the development of technology, television and computer can provide more vivid and detailed sense than before. Sometimes, technology of video camera can catch those interesting or mysterious senses of resorts you may not see even when you experience yourself. As a result, to these people they generally like to choose staying at home before television or computer for the knowledge which can not influence them to broaden their horizons.

However, the majority of people will be willing to visit those places after their fundamental knowing the information from television and computer, after all, those people who dislike outdoors activities just account for a very small part of all people. Tourism will not become obsolete, to the contrary, will be stimulated to be more flourishing. The reasons are as follows. On the one hand, the function of tourism can not be replaced by just knowing information from television and computer. Tourism comprises outdoor activities for enlarging one's knowledge about the nature, resorts, customs of indigenes, etc, and furthermore, those activities also for making you lighthearted, enjoying the outdoor fresh air, doing some physical exercises, communicating with other tourists, etc. And the latter functions of tourism can not be accomplished by the just information from television and computer. By often outdoor tourism will people get a more healthy body owing to the functions as mentioned earlier. So the majority of people will never give up tourism, even after their getting the knowledge from television and computer about those places they have never visited.

On the other hand, the transmission of information about resorts will facilitate the development of tourism. Although the majority of information is about the concrete records, there exists a large portion of advertisements for those places, which involve itineraries, temperature of the place, expenses for group guiding, the booking for tickets and hotels, etc. If he or she is an outdoor-activities fan or someone who is free at home, after getting the information from television or internet which make the tourism so convenient, won’t he or she be motivated to take the tourism? Even though overlooking the advertising factors, the information about the introductory for those places is merely a stimulator for their strong interests to those places. After their knowing about there exist so beautiful resorts they have not visited before, the inherent impulses drive them to go to visit those places.

In sum, no matter what detailed and vivid information will the television and computer transmits, there will no obstacles to prevent the development of tourism, because the function of tourism can not be replaced. To the contrary, with the help of television and worldwide computer connections, tourism will develop more prosperously. Tourism will never become obsolete.

azleaUID: 192456

大哥！写得挺好的呀……干吗那么谦虚呀……
现在帮你看，待会贴上来:)

azleaUID: 192456

The speaker asserts that the transmission of information about those sightseeing places from television and worldwide computer connections can contribute to the facts that tourism will soon become obsolete. I admit that there may be some people after their这个词可以不要 knowing the information about those resorts reluctantly to visit the place again. However, more and more 感觉用more好像更合逻辑一点，因为没有时间上的比较嘛 people will be activated 这个词感觉有点别扭，用attracted是不是更好一点？ by the information to visit those places they have never visited, that is to say, tourism will never become obsolete.开头有点像argument，最好可以写得吸引人一点

Due to television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with those places they have never visited before. TS应该是这段的观点，而后面好像说的是 那些不想去出去旅游的人 TS里都没有提到Admittedly, to those people who dislike outdoor activities but want to know more information about resorts, after their knowing the detailed information about those resorts, they will seldom be willing to visit those places again. With the development of technology, television and computer can provide more vivid and detailed sense？“感觉”？这个词好像用来形容人的主观比较多一点 than before. Sometimes, technology of video camera can catch those interesting or mysterious senses of resorts you may not see even when you experience yourself. As a result, to these people they generally like to choose staying at home beforein front of television or computer for the knowledge which can not influence them to broaden their horizons.这半句没看懂

However, the majority of people will be willing to visit those places after their fundamental knowing the information看你老用这个，给你提一个或许比较好地吧knowledge gained from television and computer, after all, those people who dislike outdoors activities just account for a very small part of all people.前后两句是一样的嘛… Tourism will not become obsolete, to the contrary, will be stimulated to be more flourishing. The reasons are as follows. On the one hand, the function of tourism can not be replaced by just knowing information from television and computer. Tourism comprises outdoor activities for enlarging one's knowledge about the nature, resorts, customs of indigenes, etc, and furthermore, those activities also for making you lighthearted, enjoying the outdoor fresh air, doing some physical exercises, communicating with other tourists, etc. And the latter functions of tourism can not be accomplished by the just information from television and computer. By often outdoor tourism 不顺吧？ will people get a more healthy body owing to the functions as mentioned earlier.这句放在这里显得有点多余 So the majority of people will never give up tourism, even after their getting the knowledge from television and computer about those places they have never visited.

On the other hand, the transmission of information about resorts will facilitate the development of tourism. Although the majority of information is about the concrete records指的是什么？, there exists a large portion of advertisements for those places, which involve itineraries, temperature of the place, expenses for group guiding, the booking for tickets and hotels, etc. If he or she is an outdoor-activities fan or someone who is free at home, after getting the information from television or internet which make the tourism so convenient, won’t he or she be motivated to take the tourism? Even though overlooking the advertising factors, the information about the introductory for those places is merely a stimulator for their strong interests to those places. After their knowing about there exist so beautiful resorts they have not visited before, the inherent impulses drive them to go to visit those places.感觉后面一段说得太激烈了，你怎么肯定人家就会去呀？

In sum, no matter what detailed and vivid information will the television and computer transmits, there will no obstacles to prevent 没有障碍去防止 不就是 防止 么？ the development of tourism, because the function of tourism can not be replaced. To the contrary, with the help of television and worldwide computer connections, tourism will develop more prosperously.  Tourism will never become obsolete.最后一句没必要

仔细看了一下，还是有很多问题的。
首先，逻辑上不是很清晰。虽然大的框架还好，可是每一段里的句子感觉有点乱。这个问题要先解决。
另外，语言上有些用法感觉很别扭，要多看看范文什么的可能比较有帮助。而且你时间还多，可以考虑背点东西，比如NCE之类的。
嗬嗬，就这些了，不要急，慢慢来肯定没问题的！！

petto_yUID: 176198

看到你帮我改了，下面是我改的

The speaker asserts that the transmission of information about those sightseeing places from television and worldwide computer connections can contribute to the facts that tourism will soon become obsolete. I admit that there may be some people after their knowing the information about those resorts reluctantly to visit the place again.觉得这样的句子有点奇怪， 虽然没有语法错误，但是不很舒服。而且again用的不妥。（admittedly, it is possible that some people knowing the resorts will be reluctant to  visit the place.) However, more and more (用more就可以了）people will be activated by the information to （最好不要用to，用and）visit those places they have never visited, that is to say, tourism will never become obsolete.

Due to television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with those places they have never visited before. Admittedly, to those people who dislike outdoor activities but want to know more information about resorts, after their knowing the detailed information about those resorts, they will seldom be willing to visit those places again. With the development of technology, television and computer can provide more vivid and detailed sense than before. Sometimes, technology of video camera can catch those interesting or mysterious senses of resorts you may not see even when you experience yourself. As a result, to these people they generally like to choose staying at home before television or computer for the knowledge which can not influence them to broaden their horizons.（最后一句没看懂）

However, the majority of people will be willing to visit those places after their fundamental knowing the information from television and computer, after all, those people who dislike outdoors activities just account for a very small part of all people. Tourism will not become obsolete, to the contrary, will be stimulated to be more flourishing. The reasons are as follows. On the one hand, the function of tourism can not be replaced by just knowing information from television and computer. Tourism comprises outdoor activities for enlarging one's knowledge about the nature, resorts, customs of indigenes, etc, and furthermore, those activities also for making you lighthearted, enjoying the outdoor fresh air, doing some physical exercises, communicating with other tourists, etc. And the latter functions of tourism can not be accomplished by the just information from television and computer. By often outdoor tourism will people get a more healthy body owing to the functions as mentioned earlier. So the majority of people will never give up tourism, even after their getting the knowledge from television and computer about those places they have never visited.（觉得可以把几个理由分两段写，每段写一个主要理由，可能会清楚一点）

On the other hand, the transmission of information about resorts will facilitate the development of tourism. Although the majority of information is about the concrete records, there exists a large portion of advertisements for those places, which involve itineraries, temperature of the place, expenses for group guiding, the booking for tickets and hotels, etc. If he or she is an outdoor-activities fan or someone who is free at home, after getting the information from television or internet which make the tourism so convenient, won’t he or she be motivated to take the tourism? Even though overlooking the advertising factors, the information about the introductory for those places is merely a stimulator for their strong interests to those places. After their knowing about there exist so beautiful resorts they have not visited before, the inherent impulses drive them to go to visit those places.

In sum, no matter what detailed and vivid information will the television and computer transmits, there will no obstacles to prevent the development of tourism, because the function of tourism can not be replaced. To the contrary, with the help of television and worldwide computer connections, tourism will develop more prosperously. Tourism will never become obsolete.

我的意见和上一楼的差不多，觉得首先要理请思路，想好要写几个点，然后分别展开，在各段的首末最好要概括，要点题。

文字上多看点北美范文会很有用的，不用记很多东西，只要熟悉常用的几个句式就好了