issue51 修改稿在19楼

果小冻UID: 208370

Issue51

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

正文
What kind of education is more effective? The one complied with personality, or the one fit to the uniform standard? In my view, neither of the two is perfect enough to be called the truly effective education. A balance should be taken between them in order to give students a better education. Thus, to tell the truth, I think completely designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student will sometimes have bad effect on them.

To begin with, there is no deny that young students may not always have the ability to make a reasonable choice, due to their own immature. Lacing the capacity of judgment, they are not able to tell what benefits them most. It is entirely possible they will refuse to learn those seeming hard to receive, no matter how important they are. As a result, the students will lose the opportunity to have a complete education. For example, most the students are not so interested in those fundamental subjects, such as math and physics. Does that mean we should conceal these subjects in order to meet students’ interests? Common sense informs us that it is crucial for students to get such knowledge, which may conflict with their interests currently, however, playing a key role in their long development. In a conclusion, the process of learning should be somehow systematic with some instructions, since basic knowledge is needed by all the students.

Further more, as the students are easy to be aimless, their interests may not last long and without any purpose or plan. Thus, it is rather dubious whether they can persist or not. Additionally, whether the interests fit to their own characteristic is open to doubt. That is why even if students can learn by interests, they should be under the guidance of educators. Only in this way can the students make suitable choices and then stick to them. Caused by curiosity, most of the children will show interests to some of the musical instruments at the first. However, I do not think all of them should be offered lessons of music, and then surly become musicians. Instead, educators should give some sound suggestions and useful guidance on whether they should choose these lessons. Actually, most children don’t have the talent for playing musical instruments at all. Accordingly, it is rather a waste of time for them to play again and again without any progress. Perhaps, they should choose other lessons which fit them.

Anyway, in order to cater to individual needs and enhance interests of students, educators can offer some specifically designed programs for students, especially in universities and colleges. Then students have the chance to develop their own interests, while not conflicting with their wholly development. Students can first consider their conditions, and then make a reasonable plan to fully develop their interests. In these situations, educators should give them some suggestions when possible.

In addition, in my view, the education should give students the chance to learn about cooperation, leadership, teamwork and interpersonal skills, rather than just concerning about the personalities of students. Only in this way can the students learn to share their interests with others, and at the same time their interests will have a better development in the course of interaction.

In a sum, I think education which striking a balance between personality and commonality is the most effective one. Only concerning about any one of the two will cause a bad effect on students. Thus, the educators should give suggestions before students making choice of their interests. Also, the students should be given more guidance in the course of putting out their interests.

[ Last edited by 果小冻 on 2005-11-21 at 16:03 ]

racyUID: 2135171

我帮你看,不过表急

我改的有点慢

不过我会认真帮你看的

sunlithUID: 2153795

I think completely designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student will sometimes have bad effect on them.
我觉得这句话是病句，宾语从句少主语。

racyUID: 2135171

Issue51

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.

正文
What kind of education is more effective? The one complied with personality, or the one fit to the uniform standard? In my view, neither of the two is perfect enough to be called the truly effective education. A balance should be taken between them in order to give students a better education. Thus, to tell the truth, I think completely designed what is completely designed? to meet the individual needs and interests of each student will sometimes have bad effect on them. 开头不错，看的出来是下工夫了，真的是越写越好了

To begin with, there is no deny形容词，而且这个倒装不是很好，用无主语的IT BE结构更合适点 that young students may not always have the ability to make a reasonable choice, due to their own immature 名词. Lacing拼写 the capacity of judgment, they are not able to tell what benefits them most. It is entirely possible they will refuse to learn those seeming hard to receive, no matter how important they are. As a result, the students will lose the opportunity to have a complete education. For example, most要不就most of the students要不就most students the students are not so interested in those fundamental subjects, such as math and physics. Does that mean we should conceal these subjects in order to meet students’ interests? Common sense informs us that it is crucial for students to get such knowledge, which may conflict with their interests currently, however, playing a key role in their long development. In a conclusion, the process of learning should be somehow systematic with some instructions, since basic knowledge is needed by all the students. 怎么越看越象是在写ARG？我不知道这样的思路打那里来的，也不能说不好，有很多人做过类似的尝试，有的效果是很好的。但是问题在于，不管你怎么样写，你的目的要明确，不是批判，是要说明问题，说明你的观点，ARG是在批判，挑错，但是ISSUE不是，ISSUE是要你自己说出自己的想法，然后告诉别人这个的道理，是要把你的观点，告诉别人，还要让别人相信是对的。题目的理解总是有5种，完全同意，完全反对，大部分同意，大部分反对，中立。如果大概的分一下，就三种，同意，反对，中立。一般很少有中立的态度。所以对反对和同意的这两个观点，是适应大多数题目的。ISSUE就是要你说，对一个问题，你的看法是什么，你可以批判，但是要有针对性。你对题目是赞同，那就从不赞同的反面批判不赞同的错误，或者用例子来佐证你的论点。这个不是客观，公理，COMMEN SENSE等能解决的，因为ISSUE本来就很主观，要的就是你的观点。可以用ARG的方式来写，很好，但是还要改进一下。

Further more, as the students are easy to be aimless, their interests may not last long and without介词不能当动词啊 any purpose or plan. Thus, it is rather dubious whether they can persist or not. Additionally, whether the interests fit to their own characteristic is open to doubt. That is why even if students can learn by interests, they should be under the guidance of educators. Only in this way can 虚拟一下会更好the students make suitable choices and then stick是想说坚持么？这样说不合适，再想别的表达方式吧 to them. Caused by curiosity, most of the children will show interests to some of the musical instruments at the the去掉 first. However, I do not think all of them should be offered lessons of music, and then surly become musicians. Instead, educators should give some sound suggestions and useful guidance on whether they should choose these lessons. Actually, most children don’t have the talent for playing musical instruments at all. Accordingly, it is rather a waste of time for them to play again and again without any progress. Perhaps, they should choose other lessons which fit 加forthem.同样的问题不说了，上面已经说过了

Anyway, in order to cater to individual needs and enhance interests of students, educators can offer some specifically designed programs for students, especially in universities and colleges. Then students have the chance to develop their own interests, while not conflicting with their wholly development. Students can first consider their conditions, and then make a reasonable plan to fully develop their interests. In these situations, educators should give them some suggestions when possible. 你要说明的你的观点，不是要提出建议啊？这里提出建议，我有点糊涂了。换句话说，你这里摆个建议，要说明什么呢？你的结论是什么？其实摆建议是好的，主要是，不能这样一放就完了。而且整个的结构有问题，你这样写，这个文章都能拆成两篇来读了。对不对？要扣主题。

In addition, in my view, the education should give students the chance to learn about cooperation, leadership, teamwork and interpersonal skills, rather than just concerning about the personalities of students. Only in this way can the students learn to share their interests with others, and at the same time their interests will have a better development in the course of interaction.

In a sum, I think education which striking a balance between personality and commonality is the most effective one. Only concerning about any one of the two will cause a bad effect on students. Thus, the educators should give suggestions before students making choice of their interests. Also, the students should be given more guidance in the course of putting out their interests.

还是语法上的问题多，尤其是词法，词性变化和用词，不是是个词就能用的，汉语里可以，“美丽”可以又是动词又是名词，但是英语不是。千万别想当然意思合适就往上用啊。句子上略有变化，有倒装，不过闪光的句子还是不多。例子没有代表性，采用的ARG式的语言来论证，对例子的涉及自然会少，没有注意到么？因为ARG纯粹是在说理。ISSUE还要有佐证才能更有力哦。继续加油吧！PS，字数很多了，字数上修炼到这个样子差不多了，语言再琢磨，论证上多下工夫，可以用别的方法尝试，真的能总结出用ARG来说理这么个文章的方法，不妨发个帖子，我们都能看到。加油！

果小冻UID: 208370

racy，谢谢你辛勤的批改，我的例子想不出来啊，汗，．然后还是语言问题，多读范文会有改进吗？恩恩，最近在看AGu，然后都形成思维了，倒没有刻意想那样写的，说理我还是觉得说不清楚．
再次感谢你，我要好好改改，不能辜负你的辛苦．恩恩．

racyUID: 2135171

我很喜欢你的签名

要快乐的写作文,快乐的准备出国

果小冻UID: 208370

我会每天都努力一点，然后争取进步一点，然后我很快乐中．呵呵，单纯的温暖和感动，很充实的．一起努力吧，呵呵相约美好

嘶喊的牧歌UID: 197463

占座。
下次最好附上提纲。

嘶喊的牧歌UID: 197463

小小我在MSN和你说吧。
汗。自己越来越懒了。。。

robbieyangUID: 2146518

看了几篇评分的文章，觉得issue就是论证你文中提出的观点
偏离的或者稍微相关的观点最好是不要提，因为提出来必需得论证，如果这样，会显得文章很散。
搂主的文章好像有这个毛病，
还没开始写，乱绉一通，呵呵
btw：很是羡慕楼主能写这么多

johnyun822UID: 2141040

果冻，不好意思我这几周都有考试，而且还被导师逮到做仿真，所以只简单看了一下。
感觉最主要的问题是写得太像argument了，是大忌噢，It is entirely possible这种典型的argu用语要慎用，因为issue的关键是论证自己的观点而不是找错误，当然你可以选择与你观点对立的观点进行批驳，也可以用归缪法，但是argu的方式是不适合的。
最近argu写太多，转不过来了？

果小冻UID: 208370

我写的象驳论文了,汗,哇呀呀,哎,没限时呀,才写了这么点废话,哈哈哈哈

果小冻UID: 208370

你好好加油考试啊,考完了我们再一起努力.
我写的时候是好象转不过来了,哈哈,要好好体会范文
我现在先写起来,等你考完了我们一起加油,互相帮助
小小等你啊,温暖的伙伴

juggernautyUID: 2143098

moving!

果小冻UID: 208370

嘿嘿看了你的签名档,恩恩小小的看法,我们的美好总是在身边的
你计划的春天有童话的色彩
却一直不见到来
你撒下的鱼网在幸福中摇摆
却总也收不回来
你始终不明白
一万个美丽的未来
抵不上一个温暖的现在
你始终不明白
每一个真实的现在
都曾经是你幻想的未来*